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Old 08-09-2014, 11:43 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,862,490 times
Reputation: 61846

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Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Love_LI_but View Post
I guess not, but now there are ways for him to prove he is the dad (provided he wants to).

You don't know Maury and Jerry? You're kidding, right? LOL! You are in for a treat! Here's a general overview of the TV trend:

'Who's Your Daddy?'- Has Reality TV Reached an All-Time Low?*|*Cynthia Lawrence



Feast your eyes on this Maury snippet of an all out dancing celebration when someone is declared "NOT the father" (and there are many more on YouTube):


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGtWssdauME

As for Jerry, here's an overview of the topic in "scientific" presentation format:

Jerry Springer: Who's the Dad? by Van Le on Prezi

No actually I am not kidding I haven't watched television in more than 15 years and really don't care to see anything about it.
Most of it was trash when I stopped watching years ago and I would guess it hasn't gotten much better.

I'll pass on watching the links you have posted but thanks for taking the time to post them.
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:46 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,862,490 times
Reputation: 61846
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
OP is not responsible for supporting the girl or her child. However, his wife is legally responsible for supporting the girl until she is 18 (or a few years older in a few states). Whether she has a child or not is irrelevant.

In most cases, OP's wife wouldn't be responsible for supporting her grandchild; the mother and father of the child would be. However, in some states, if she goes on welfare while still a minor OP's wife's support would be required.

The minor daughter giving birth to a child is not irrelevant in a lot of states because once that baby is born the teenage Mother is legally and immediately an emanicipated minor and her parents no longer have legal responsibilities for her care or the babies care.
I'm not sure which states are like this except I know Illinois is like this.
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Old 08-10-2014, 12:55 AM
 
Location: Europe
2,731 posts, read 1,959,313 times
Reputation: 4148
Sometimes women are able to get only 1 baby in their entire lifetime. If this baby would be the only one she would ever get - How anyone would have authority to take her rights for her baby away?

I know a teenage mom who never got a baby after first one even they tried. If someone would force her abortion she would be totally childless. She did well with her daughter, kept few years break from school and went back. She is a dentist now.

Having a kid is not end of life, it is a start of life. It just goes with different order than societys "ideal" is. She was happiest girl with a baby and it was best to her what ever could happend.
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Old 08-10-2014, 01:10 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,910,797 times
Reputation: 2346
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
...Also, if she decides to have this baby IF she is smart she will NOT put this guys name on the child's birth certificate and by law she doesn't have to all she has to do is put "Unknown".
Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Love_LI_but View Post
Yes, she should turn off the phone!

If she wants to get public assistance, she will have to name the father because now states want to take a measly amount of money from the fathers.

Also, just putting "unknown" will not work to keep him away. He can legally demand a DNA test, just like the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child did when Anna and her lawyer said the baby was her lawyer's to keep the father away. Now that man has custody of the child.
^^This.

You cannot ignore the fact that this baby has a father given that the father and his family clearly want this baby. Adoption will likely not be an option for the OP's daughter...the baby's father and his family would never fully consent. IF he did, his parents would seek to adopt the child...and he would still be in the picture. So, if she doesn't want to keep the baby or have an abortion, she'd essentially have to leave the baby in his care, after giving birth, and move on with her life. I seriously doubt she'd do the latter!
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Old 08-10-2014, 04:21 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,773,323 times
Reputation: 4539
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
The minor daughter giving birth to a child is not irrelevant in a lot of states because once that baby is born the teenage Mother is legally and immediately an emanicipated minor and her parents no longer have legal responsibilities for her care or the babies care.
I'm not sure which states are like this except I know Illinois is like this.
Completely false.
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Old 08-10-2014, 06:27 AM
 
3,493 posts, read 4,708,667 times
Reputation: 5358
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhotoProIP View Post
I would leave.

You didn't do this, and if she is not willing to get an abortion, then leave.

These teens today are sick! They are stupid and have no clue what it takes to have a baby. Some just think the state will just pay for it, and i am tired of my tax dollars be spend on welfare for people who should be working, but have babies instead!


LEAVE! BE STRONG AND LEAVE. If this is what they want to do, then you don't need this kind of aggravation.
There is nothing strong about running away from your marriage vows. Do you consider deserters to be strong?
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Old 08-10-2014, 09:46 AM
 
15,762 posts, read 13,191,044 times
Reputation: 19651
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
The minor daughter giving birth to a child is not irrelevant in a lot of states because once that baby is born the teenage Mother is legally and immediately an emanicipated minor and her parents no longer have legal responsibilities for her care or the babies care.
I'm not sure which states are like this except I know Illinois is like this.
You keep saying this when it is not an absolute.

If that minor child goes on welfare, than, YES, the parents have obligations. The child needs to live at home, or in an appropriate out of home placement, and yes, the parents will either have to allow the minor parent and baby to live in the home OR contribute to the cost of the out of home placement. These are all part of the FEDERAL Welfare reform act, and as such is true in EVERY STATE.
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Old 08-10-2014, 10:52 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,545,142 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
I agree that no one should be forced into an abortion, even if the pregnant child's reason for not wanting to have an abortion is fear of the procedure being painful (as if childbirth weren't a hell of a lot more painful!) That's why we have legal consent laws in this country. No one will perform an abortion on a woman unless she consents to it, and signs for consent. However, a parent can bring a lot of pressure on a child - to stay in school, to study hard, to clean up her room, to help in the house. In the same way that a parent can say to a sixteen year old, "You are NOT getting in a car with that boy!, your wife can say to her, "There is no way in hell that you are going through the same thing that I went through. You're having an abortion, and then you're going on Depo until you're out on your own, and you're going to finish school and go to college or get a job, and then you'll move out on your own. And THEN, when you're totally self-supporting, and hopefully married to someone who also works, THEN if you want to have a baby, you will. And we'll be loving grandparents. But there is no way in hell that you are bringing a baby into this house, when I have had to make the decision that I and my husband cannot AFFORD to have a child together! And that's the end of it. I'm making an appointment at the clinic for you and we are going to it and you are having an abortion!"

Now, if the girl refuses to go to the clinic, or refuses to sign consent for the procedure, so be it. And if she decides to have the child, and refuses to give it up for adoption, so be it. The girl does have the ultimate say in this matter, even if mom pressures her. But if this is what happens, that mom allows her to bring home a baby for you two to raise, I would suggest that you get out of the marriage! Your wife should be telling her daughter in no uncertain terms, "It is NOT your right to have a baby while you are living at home! You are NOT doing this to me and my husband! That's what bothers me here - your wife didn't control this girl, didn't see that she was getting involved with a boy, and didn't get her on Depo. And now she is not telling her, "No way are you putting this stress on my marriage and my household! You will have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption and finish school." Essentially, your wife is just giving in, and allowing this girl to ruin your marriage. The girl has put your wife and you in a terrible position, and your wife is not stepping up to the plate for your marriage (or frankly, for her daughter's welfare, either).

If she does go through with the abortion, she will be FINE. She will be relieved, and forget about it almost immediately. Do not believe the BS line that women suffer psychologically after an abortion. Their body goes back to where it was before the pregnancy, and so does their mental state. If she was an immature, thoughtless teen, she will continue as such until she grows up. If she was mentally ill, she will continue as such. If she was a stable girl who "made a mistake", she will go back to the same stability. Those who claim that abortion harms women psychologically are the same people who preach that pregnancy (and disease) are god's rightful punishment for the terrible sin of having sex! Every legitimate study demonstrates that virtually all women who have abortions are relieved and go on with their lives. And if she goes on Depo there is no fear of her getting pregnant again to say, "So there! If you say I can't have a baby, I'll just go out and get pregnant again! This is by FAR the best option for your stepdaughter, your wife, you, and your entire family. An abortion is much easier to go through than continuing the pregnancy and giving up the baby for adoption. THAT DOES lead to lifelong psychological stress - where is the baby? Is it being well cared for? Did I make a mistake in giving it up? Will he/she come looking for me later on? Will he/she blame me? It is far more traumatic to continue the pregnancy, and then go through the pain of adoption, than to simply have an early abortion.

If your wife cannot exert her parental authority over her own child, then your marriage has no future. If this girl intends to bring home a baby for you and your wife to raise, and your wife cannot say no to her, what's to stop her from bringing home another within a year, and then another, and another? This is actually a very common scenario - many teen mothers get pregnant again very quickly. If your wife is going to allow her to bring that baby home, then you should get out of there. Don't waste your precious youth (and you are still young - many men don't marry and have kids until your age) with a woman who has no authority over her out of control teenage daughter, to the point that she will stick you with raising her daughter's baby, when she and you have decided that you cannot afford to have a child together. You have no obligation to support your wife's children, and if it's a recent marriage, probably no obligation to support her, either. You don't have a parenting problem. You have a marital problem, in that your wife thinks that it is acceptable for her 16 year old daughter to stick you with raising her child. Get out of there, separate your finances from hers, and forget about her. You have a brighter future without this woman, who wants you to raise her teen's baby, instead of your own with her.
I have to ask if you are a man or a woman. I think you are a man. I have to wonder how you know that a womans mental state is just the same after an abortion as it was before.

I suppose you have had an abortion,and that's how you know.

I am a woman and I have not had an abortion but I have had two miscarriages.

My body went back to normal but I still think about the two children that could have been. When a woman is pregnant, they think of their future child. They see them as a newborn and growing into a toddler and a young child, so on and so forth.

I did this before I lost my children. I did it with the two children that I did have. I actually became pregnant at about 16. I was very afraid and I didn't know what I was going to do. I never told my parents. I only told my older sister and she was pushing me towards an abortion. I knew it didn't feel right and I didn't really want to do it.

As that 16 year old girl who made the mistake of getting pregnant I was freaking out. Even today I am against abortion. I imagined that baby. A woman does that. So does a 16 year old girl.

I was at my sisters house and before she could push me into that abortion, I miscarried. So I was a 16 year old girl.

Does that mean that after that day I have never thought of the child that could be? Absolutely not.

I became pregnant again at 18. I will say that both times I was taking birth control pills and most of the time also used condoms.

I have epilepsy and I suppose back then the drs didn't realize that the medication they gave me for the epilepsy negated the BC. These days they know.

So when I was pregnant at 18 it was with my fiance and we were going to somehow raise this child. Both of us were working and he was going to my appointments with me.

I was 3 months along, almost in my second trimester and at an appointment and they could not find a heartbeat. I had been carrying this child and imagining myself raising this baby and all of a sudden poof. Gone.

Do you think I have never thought of this child that could have been?

I gave birth to my son at 20 and my daughter at 22. I feared that I would lose them as I did my first two.

Obviously my mind did not go back to never having been pregnant.

I hope that you have had an abortion, given birth, and adopted a child out to know who each of these women would feel for the rest of their lives.
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Old 08-10-2014, 10:54 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,545,142 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I cannot believe any human being would have this point of view. It is truly horrifying.

There are SO MANY other ways of looking at this situation than this viewpoint. GUARANTEED to hurt the most people.
I can't give you anymore reps... I couldn't agree more.
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Old 08-10-2014, 11:15 AM
 
Location: California
29,614 posts, read 31,942,975 times
Reputation: 24752
Quote:
Originally Posted by soUlwounD View Post
Sometimes women are able to get only 1 baby in their entire lifetime. If this baby would be the only one she would ever get - How anyone would have authority to take her rights for her baby away?

I know a teenage mom who never got a baby after first one even they tried. If someone would force her abortion she would be totally childless. She did well with her daughter, kept few years break from school and went back. She is a dentist now.

Having a kid is not end of life, it is a start of life. It just goes with different order than societys "ideal" is. She was happiest girl with a baby and it was best to her what ever could happend.
Sometimes people die too, sometimes lot's of things. We can't spend our lives as if something MIGHT be...we can only deal with what is and hope for the best. In the case of a teenager who is still dependent on her parents and is not planning to change that I think all parties get a say in decisions. If people interpret that as "forcing" so be it. It's not their daughter since they would never do that. No...not them. Sometimes the final decision works out good, sometimes it ruins lives, and never will we get a say unless we are one of the players.

Sometimes teenage girls are encouraged to abort on advice of others. Sometimes they are encouraged to have the child on advice of others. And sometimes (usually) they do need advice of others because they are not in a position to make great decisions as proven by being pregnant and 16. Sometimes the final decision works out great, sometimes it destroys lives, but never does anyone else but the players get to decide.
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