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Old 08-11-2014, 06:25 AM
 
3,493 posts, read 4,704,040 times
Reputation: 5358

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sjdemak View Post
When shes 18 kick her out, and make her live on welfare. Why should you have to pay for a 16 year old's kid? Its enabling situations like this that cause these teen mom epidemics. Its so a shame for the baby because their parent is a failure. Perhaps you could divorce your wife, and not deal with the situation. Otherwise deal with it until the daughter can legally get government benefits, and send her off to section 8. I don't want other kids being born into a ****ty situation as such. Another less cynical option, is to give the baby to a kind loving rich family who can't have kids of their own. Its so sad when people try to raise kids with insufficient resources, and have no education.
It's also sad when they view divorce as an option to avoid difficult situations.

Are you married?

Did you tell your spouse: "Let's have a big public celebration to tell people were ****ing and living together but don't really have a serious commitment to each other. For better or wor... well, for better or I'm getting the heck out of here because I don't really need you."

Quite simply, people with this viewpoint shouldn't get married. What is the point of marriage if you will terminate it for being difficult? That isn't a real commitment.

It appears that the OP did eventually make the decision to step up and be a father. It may be the hardest choice he ever has to make in his life. Still, it is fulfilling his marriage vows.

To be fair to whomever agrees to marry you, please tell them your views on divorce ahead of time. It makes a difference. I don't find myself surprised when people get divorces, most of them can be seen coming. One or both of the partners will show a viewpoint of: "When the going gets tough, I don't give a crap about you. I'm just in this for me."
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:18 AM
 
3,325 posts, read 3,262,707 times
Reputation: 8438
There is a difference between an unforseeable event, like illness or financial trouble not anone's fault, and a spouse who fails to see the signs of a teen girl needing to be put on birth control, and then fails to convince her to have an abortion. T
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Monnem Germany/ from San Diego
2,242 posts, read 2,315,901 times
Reputation: 4639
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
There is a difference between an unforseeable event, like illness or financial trouble not anone's fault, and a spouse who fails to see the signs of a teen girl needing to be put on birth control, and then fails to convince her to have an abortion. T
I am not anti Aborton at all but to put pressure on someone to get one is wrong. The same with adoption. It is the girls choice and her parents have to accept that and help her what ever her choice is.
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:20 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,526,733 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
There is a difference between an unforseeable event, like illness or financial trouble not anone's fault, and a spouse who fails to see the signs of a teen girl needing to be put on birth control, and then fails to convince her to have an abortion. T
Every time I got pregnant I was on Birth Control.

No one should be convinced to have an abortion.
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Type 0.7 Kardashev
10,577 posts, read 6,827,947 times
Reputation: 37337
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I desperately need some advice here since I really don't want to be a part of housing a pregnant minor. 4 years into this new relationship I had a family meeting and I specifically said to my step kids & son that they will have a home until the age of 24 as long as they don't come home pregnant (stepdaughter) and they don't get anyone pregnant (stepson & son from previous marriage). We'll my stepdaughter has always been the brave one and has done things that no1 has ever done before and now she's pregnant!!! For the last two days I've been really stressful and her mom (my newly wed wife) is a mess. We had a conversation yesterday in which I found out that the 16 yr old is keeping the baby (so far) and trying to stay in our house. I told my wife that I don't know if I can handle a baby in my house that isn't our baby. My wife and I talked about having a baby but with our schedule and our lack of time spent together I realized before I married her that there's a strong chance we couldn't have a baby of our own. I'm in my early 30's and I would've live to have a baby with her since all I have is just one son.... I knew this before marrying her and I accepted the possibility of not having anymore babies ever. Having giving up our wants and needs now we get this bombshell from this stupid teen that shows no freaking remorse for her actions. I told my wife that I'm not making her choose between her daughter and me but I don't want a baby in my house and I don't know what tomorrow will bring as far as me staying in this relationship.

We bought a house 3 years ago for the 5 of us and when I married her I chose to be there for her and care for her kids but never would I imagine that her baby would be having a baby at 16. I don't know what to do at all.... This young girl barely know how to clean her room so how is she supposed to care for a baby? I really don't want her in my house when the symptoms come and especially when the baby comes. Her father is a pos who lives with his momma at the age of 44+ so it's not like there's room for her in there and the baby father is 17 and he and his parents are shacking up with his sister in a 2 bedroom apt living off welfare and whatever the system has to offer. He's been texting my wife telling her that he will care for both of them but he's whole family is on welfare and basically homeless!!

Since my wife is my best friend and she's the one who has always been there for me and the light that shines my path I couldn't help but to come clean with all my feelings and I told her that this whole ordeal can break our marriage. No matter how much I try I just can't accept a baby at home that isn't our own. We get by financially but that's just it... Who do you think is going to buy formula, diapers, take time off from work to help her, get her to the doctors and etc? I don't want my wife to go thru that as she was a teen mom herself and I was planning for our future of finally doing things like vacationing, honeymoon, going out to diner, movies and etc without her kids texting her all the damn time. My wife is due for a good life stress free and I really feel that she will end up raising this baby even-though she says that won't happen.

What can I do to overcome something that I'm so against of doing? If I break this rule for my stepdaughter that means that I would have to do the same for my stepson and son. I really just want her out of my house or I can leave them the house.
It was a mistake to make such a rule.

It was certainly reasonable to have such an expectation, but in the real world rules are not always followed, and expectations are not always met.

You need to be a father figure, since you are in the position of a father figure; a position you chose for yourself.

You may not have imagine this situation, but that speaks more to your unrealistic view of the possibilities.

This family is one that you have joined. It is now your responsibility to do with a father does. Two children - one 16 and one to be born in the near future - are depending on you. Unfair? Life is sometimes unfair; you should know that by now. It doesn't change the reality.

I get that you're frustrated. I get that the mistake of the 16-year-old is a very impactful one. But she is a minor and she is in your charge and she needs - and, regardless of her mistakes, deserves - something more out of the man who married her mother than just getting shoved out the door because you're now unhappy with the family you joined.

Be a Dad. Your wishes need to be subordinate to that imperative.
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Old 08-11-2014, 10:28 AM
 
9,670 posts, read 7,644,282 times
Reputation: 17517
AII:read-post#98-for-update-of-OP.

Sorry-for-typos-
key6oard-issues-Iowest-row-out-today.
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Old 08-12-2014, 11:54 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,107 posts, read 17,646,574 times
Reputation: 22459
Would it not be funny if his wife turned up pregnant next ? wonder what he would do then ? two babies in one house hold whoa not on your life ....
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Old 08-19-2014, 07:05 AM
 
17 posts, read 26,454 times
Reputation: 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohky0815 View Post
Would be nice if the OP would come back and comment.
I'm still here trying to keep up with all 25 pages!! I apologize for not commenting any sooner as I have been very busy at home and especially at work since I let my duties pile up for a week+. As for updates my daughter did go through and got an abortion, although they don't consider it an abortion at her pregnancy stage. She was given a pill or two to get rid of it at plan parenthood and then she has to go back early next week to make sure it was effective. If the pill doesn't work then they will go in there and pretty much suck it out! Please excuse my terminology but it's the best way I can explain it.

Things at home are somewhat slowly going back to normal, my wife and I spent almost a whole day together fishing (I asked her to leave her phone in our truck and so did I) which was something she never did before and had fun doing so. I must admit she actually reeled in more fish than I did but what matter the most is that we had a very good time without our phones just the two of us. We both needed a break and still could use more days like that. I never once brought up the pregnancy subject that day but I did try to get her to keep me informed of what is going on instead of keeping things from me and later telling me about it. I also hit a nerve or two the other day when I told her that her daughter isn't respecting her and doesn't trust her as in the past she has done things and wouldn't tell her mom but would talk to her friends mom about it. I'm not sure if my wife understood me as I really wasn't trying to spark anything but just to try to get her to realize that she might be in denial and that she no longer has a baby for a daughter.

Yesterday my wife told me that her daughter asked her if she could go over the boys house and I said toy wife that I don't think it's a good idea right now as the dust is still settling and she should be on that birth control thing that wouldn't allow her to conceive for 5 years or so...again sorry for my terminology. If I didn't mention before we found out that that every time our daughter would go over to this boys house they where left alone in the apartment even though my wife told the boys mother that they are not to be left alone and they where having alot of sex that my daughter couldn't remember how many times she did it. I was always opposed that my daughter went over this boys house almost 3-5 times a week but her mom seemed to be in denial. My daughter isn't really speaking to me but was I wrong to suggest she doesn't go over until she's on birth control?

Things are still ok at home between my wife and I but she seems to have a fit or I seem to struck a nerve when I try parenting her kids.
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Old 08-19-2014, 07:11 AM
 
17 posts, read 26,454 times
Reputation: 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Would it not be funny if his wife turned up pregnant next ? wonder what he would do then ? two babies in one house hold whoa not on your life ....
I don't understand what would be so funny about having to raise a kid of mine and end up helping raise a grand kid at the same time....
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Old 08-19-2014, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,060 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73696
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I'm still here trying to keep up with all 25 pages!! I apologize for not commenting any sooner as I have been very busy at home and especially at work since I let my duties pile up for a week+. As for updates my daughter did go through and got an abortion, although they don't consider it an abortion at her pregnancy stage. She was given a pill or two to get rid of it at plan parenthood and then she has to go back early next week to make sure it was effective. If the pill doesn't work then they will go in there and pretty much suck it out! Please excuse my terminology but it's the best way I can explain it.

Things at home are somewhat slowly going back to normal, my wife and I spent almost a whole day together fishing (I asked her to leave her phone in our truck and so did I) which was something she never did before and had fun doing so. I must admit she actually reeled in more fish than I did but what matter the most is that we had a very good time without our phones just the two of us. We both needed a break and still could use more days like that. I never once brought up the pregnancy subject that day but I did try to get her to keep me informed of what is going on instead of keeping things from me and later telling me about it. I also hit a nerve or two the other day when I told her that her daughter isn't respecting her and doesn't trust her as in the past she has done things and wouldn't tell her mom but would talk to her friends mom about it. I'm not sure if my wife understood me as I really wasn't trying to spark anything but just to try to get her to realize that she might be in denial and that she no longer has a baby for a daughter.

Yesterday my wife told me that her daughter asked her if she could go over the boys house and I said toy wife that I don't think it's a good idea right now as the dust is still settling and she should be on that birth control thing that wouldn't allow her to conceive for 5 years or so...again sorry for my terminology. If I didn't mention before we found out that that every time our daughter would go over to this boys house they where left alone in the apartment even though my wife told the boys mother that they are not to be left alone and they where having alot of sex that my daughter couldn't remember how many times she did it. I was always opposed that my daughter went over this boys house almost 3-5 times a week but her mom seemed to be in denial. My daughter isn't really speaking to me but was I wrong to suggest she doesn't go over until she's on birth control?

Things are still ok at home between my wife and I but she seems to have a fit or I seem to struck a nerve when I try parenting her kids.
Thanks for the update, sad as it is.

You all have a LOT to learn about trust, honesty and accountability. I hope you will look into family counseling.
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