U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-09-2014, 06:53 PM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,013,815 times
Reputation: 64014

Advertisements

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) Definition - Diseases and Conditions - Mayo Clinic
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-09-2014, 07:01 PM
 
6,455 posts, read 9,512,203 times
Reputation: 10765
Tell him he can have a "normal" house when he gets his own.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 07:01 PM
 
20,431 posts, read 26,560,006 times
Reputation: 13133
On the off chance that this post is real and not just another thread by yet another brand new member, my advice is to give him back his computer and find a better way to communicate with him. Try giving him some credit for what he's doing right, such as working and going to school, rather than harping on what he's doing wrong.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 07:10 PM
 
12,922 posts, read 19,803,871 times
Reputation: 33954
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metlakatla View Post
On the off chance that this post is real and not just another thread by yet another brand new member, my advice is to give him back his computer and find a better way to communicate with him. Try giving him some credit for what he's doing right, such as working and going to school, rather than harping on what he's doing wrong.
I agree with this, at least based on the little we know. A young adult with ODD will have enough struggles without trying to control what, in the long run, is rather minor. Why are you attempting to limit the web sites he chooses to visit as an adult?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 07:19 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,018,139 times
Reputation: 30256
You can't legally take his possessions away from him now that he is 18. You need to find better ways to communicate with him. It's time for you to switch into a mentoring role instead of a parenting role. Even though he came home late, at least he came home. At 18, he really isn't obligated to do so. Of course, you have a right to set rules or expect him to live elsewhere. Since you don't really want him to move out, you can't draw that line in the sand. Instead, readjust your expectations in a manner that treats him more like an adult.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Littleton, CO
3,108 posts, read 4,663,750 times
Reputation: 5389
If the problem arises from the fact that he owns the computer, then all you need to do is change the password for the wifi/internet access. You pay the wifi bill, you have the ability to set the password.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 07:33 PM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,953,736 times
Reputation: 14414
I don't go for the power struggle approach.
Reason with him, make him aware of your rules & find a compromise.
Always focus on the positive- whatever it is that he's doing.
There is no gain in making him hate you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,770,331 times
Reputation: 4539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
You can't legally take his possessions away from him now that he is 18. You need to find better ways to communicate with him. It's time for you to switch into a mentoring role instead of a parenting role. Even though he came home late, at least he came home. At 18, he really isn't obligated to do so. Of course, you have a right to set rules or expect him to live elsewhere. Since you don't really want him to move out, you can't draw that line in the sand. Instead, readjust your expectations in a manner that treats him more like an adult.
She said he didn't come home at all that night.

If these are really his parents' possessions, she has every right to take them away. If he bought them, then you're right. If they were gifts, that's a gray area.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 08:15 PM
 
20,431 posts, read 26,560,006 times
Reputation: 13133
Nope, a gift is a black or white area. Gifts legally belong to the recipient.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2014, 08:20 PM
 
9,459 posts, read 15,030,133 times
Reputation: 15439
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverasnow View Post
He just recently got a job and he will start college on the 20 of August.
He doesn't pay rent.
He doesn't even have his license so his Dad takes him to work.
He has ODD which means he doesn't like rules.
However, in the real world everyone has rules.
I told him to call the police and take me to court. However, I am not giving the items back until I want to give them back.

I've had similar issues with my DS for years. I'm literally counting the days until he turns 18.

In the meantime, OP, just ignore the threats. I've found police usually do nothing, anyways. I used to scare more easily than I now do. My motto----don't look for trouble, let trouble find you. Just for your own peace of mind, you might want to consult a lawyer, but I wouldn't. They charge a fortune, and their answer is '.....hmmmmm.....it depends, I have to look into it" Of course, the can't give you a clear answer as to exactly what will happen in an uncertain future, but they usually don't even tell you the possibilities, your rights, responsibilities, etc.

Like I say, don't sweat it. There's nothing they can or will do, anyways.

I've called police on my DS when he got drunk, high, and punched holes in the walls----holes as big as a shoe, at first that's what they thought it was. Police just sneared at me and said, well.....its his house, too.

I am also disabled, DS has physically attacked me several times, broken arm, bruises, again, police think its some sort of joke, even told me well, if I felt unsafe here I could leave.


Ok, what I'm trying to say is, if it doesn't work one way, it doesn't work the other. Most of the time police want to keep their crime statistics down, their govt funding, grants, raises, etc, etc are all tied to their statistics. So, they try to keep as much off the books as possible.

My advice----change the locks, and get on with your own life
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top