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Old 08-11-2014, 10:10 AM
 
18 posts, read 11,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
If you choose to proceed all you have to do is ask this man if he will donate, all he can do is say no.
It's not really that simple. I would never ask him over the phone, and I'm not sure if I'd have the ability to ask him in person.
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Old 08-11-2014, 10:19 AM
 
32,912 posts, read 22,854,076 times
Reputation: 29957
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
If you were in my situation, how would you proceed?

I have known two women in your situation, and dated one. They both, very wisely, chose to go the route of a sperm bank to be able to avoid the future potential legal entanglement issues. Both had good guys in their lives willing to, uh, donate, but knew there could be issues and they didn't want to take that risk. The genetic testing, etc is also part of the process.

The one I dated is no engaged to a great guy and her daughter is 5.

Last edited by timberline742; 08-11-2014 at 10:55 AM..
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Old 08-11-2014, 10:51 AM
 
15,732 posts, read 17,351,799 times
Reputation: 12732
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
You also don't know his family's history and any mental illness or other chronic illness can skip generations before it manifests again.
This isn't like picking the best looking chicken in the meat counter.
Agree!

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but there's no way to ever quite know what you're getting.

Sincerely,
The mother of an out-of-the-blue disabled child born to two healthy, married parents
Exactly...what happens when your child needs full-time care or round the clock care? Are you prepared for that OP??


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
If he agreed to my request, I would ask that he undergo genetic testing. Also, obviously, the amneotic fluid would be tested too, just to ensure that there are no genetic abnormalities.
You are asking him to submit to something very personal and invasive. And all your testing still doesn't account for mental illness, birth defects...etc.
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Old 08-11-2014, 10:56 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 38,021,426 times
Reputation: 61854
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
It's not really that simple. I would never ask him over the phone, and I'm not sure if I'd have the ability to ask him in person.
No, it is that simple, there is no "delicate" way to ask a question like this so the best way is to present your ideas. Present your case (as it may be) as you have done here on this forum. Along with your plan for the financial/emotional well being of desired child any legal, parental, custodial and financial issues he may encounter.
Then ask him if he would be the sperm donor because.....
Then follow up with all the reasons why she feels he would be a good candidate/choice.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:06 AM
 
Location: So Cal
38,853 posts, read 38,078,069 times
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I would do the sperm bank route. Asking a co-worker is kind of weird. I know I'd probably get weirded out of some woman in my office approached me on the subject. You mentioned that you were black, what about adopting a black child. From what I've heard placing black children for adoption is a little bit tougher, sounds like an ideal match.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:16 AM
 
13,814 posts, read 16,373,096 times
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I can imagine being him and you asking me.... it's like flattering and insulting at the same time.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:44 AM
 
18 posts, read 11,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I would do the sperm bank route. Asking a co-worker is kind of weird. I know I'd probably get weirded out of some woman in my office approached me on the subject. You mentioned that you were black, what about adopting a black child. From what I've heard placing black children for adoption is a little bit tougher, sounds like an ideal match.
We are not coworkers in the least. I am an entrepreneur. I've worked on a few projects at his firm and had the pleasure of interacting with him, while on the job.

I have to admit that I'm in awe of his intelligence, but also, he's a very good looking guy. Given his intelligence, good looks, income and overall success, I can't believe he's so humble and down to earth. He's the type of guy that will be featured in Forbes or the business section of the NY TIMES.

If he agreed, I would definitely ensure that all of the legal bases are covered.

At this time, I have no interest in adoption. I cannot see myself raising another person's child; I want my own.

Last edited by Rose_Pedal989; 08-11-2014 at 11:55 AM..
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,062 posts, read 32,088,530 times
Reputation: 30531
OP, as a child of a divorced mom who had me at 35, I have but two things to say to you.

1. I think it is very cruel to purposely bring a child into this world into a single parent situation. Call me a*& backward of you want but I believe a child being brought into this world should come into a two parent situation if it can be helped at all. Purposely doing it like you are OP is wrong IMO.

2. You do not have the foggiest idea of what you are getting yourself into as a single parent nor do you display anything that says you would be able to handle it. Your scouting your baby's father like checking melons for ripeness is a prime example.
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Old 08-11-2014, 12:16 PM
 
18 posts, read 11,779 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
OP, as a child of a divorced mom who had me at 35, I have but two things to say to you.

1. I think it is very cruel to purposely bring a child into this world into a single parent situation. Call me a*& backward of you want but I believe a child being brought into this world should come into a two parent situation if it can be helped at all. Purposely doing it like you are OP is wrong IMO.
Everyone's circumstances are different. Having both a mom and a dad in the home is the ideal, but what should women like me do, if we are not married and have no immediate prospects? Should we just forgo motherhood altogether, even if we have the tools and resources in place to be good moms?

I understand that it won't be easy. I know that I'll need help. Thankfully, I have a solid support system comprised of family and friends, who have thriving families of their own. They support my decision.

Quote:
2. You do not have the foggiest idea of what you are getting yourself into as a single parent nor do you display anything that says you would be able to handle it. Your scouting your baby's father like checking melons for ripeness is a prime example.
I disagree with your assessment. I just purchased a home in a great community; and I've spent a lot of time thinking about this issue. I do realize it will be a challenge, but if he agrees, I'm willing and able to take on this new chapter.
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Old 08-11-2014, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,062 posts, read 32,088,530 times
Reputation: 30531
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
Everyone's circumstances are different. Having both a mom and a dad in the home is the ideal, but what should women like me do, if we are not married and have no immediate prospects? Should we just forgo motherhood altogether, even if we have the tools and resources in place to be good moms?

I understand that it won't be easy. I know that I'll need help. Thankfully, I have a solid support system comprised of family and friends, who have thriving families of their own. They support my decision.

I disagree with your assessment. I just purchased a home in a great community; and I've spent a lot of time thinking about this issue. I do realize it will be a challenge, but if he agrees, I'm willing and able to take on this new chapter.
In your situation, adoption of a non-infant child would make more sense. But you want your own baby. Do what you want but I think it is selfish.

Trust me, from someone who knows, it takes a hell of a lot more than a home in a nice community and a good job to raise a baby proper. I'm even more shocked being a black woman who knows perfectly well how kids are faring without fathers in our community you would even consider this.
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