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Everyone's circumstances are different. Having both a mom and a dad in the home is the ideal, but what should women like me do, if we are not married and have no immediate prospects? Should we just forgo motherhood altogether, even if we have the tools and resources in place to be good moms?
I understand that it won't be easy. I know that I'll need help. Thankfully, I have a solid support system comprised of family and friends, who have thriving families of their own. They support my decision.
I disagree with your assessment. I just purchased a home in a great community; and I've spent a lot of time thinking about this issue. I do realize it will be a challenge, but if he agrees, I'm willing and able to take on this new chapter.
You are approaching this in a purely business way, this is not a business decision.
This is a lifetime commitment and an emotional decision which is much more than a pretty house a good community and the ability to pay for a Nanny.
You won't consider adoption because "you want your own" however, you are choosing the father of
"your own" like it is a business decision.
He is handsome, he is intelligent, he is down to earth (which is because of how he was raised, this is not part of his genetics).
Just because he is all of these there is no guarantee that your child will be the same whether you do all the testing available or not.
Science cannot pinpoint every minute detail of a child physically no matter how many times they poke you with a needle and put everything under a microscope.
There is no way to know without doubt that this child will be "perfect" or anything like this man simply because of the circumstances and the different environment this child will be raised in.
In your situation, adoption of a non-infant child would make more sense. But you want your own baby. Do what you want but I think it is selfish.
Trust me, from someone who knows, it takes a hell of a lot more than a home in a nice community and a good job to raise a baby proper. I'm even more shocked being a black woman who knows perfectly well how kids are faring without fathers in our community you would even consider this.
Your concerns regarding single parent homes is generally valid, just not in this instance. Unlike many, I have the resources in place to ensure that my child is well taken care of. I also have a strong family network to assist and I can change my schedule as needed, since I have my own business.
I'm confused as to why you believe my situation is akin to the average (struggling) single mother? I have the ability to support and nurture my future child. I can provide a wonderful home, plenty of love, a genuinely beautiful (large) extended family, lots of travel, private school and so much more.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,326,350 times
Reputation: 13471
For me personally, I would never offer to donate for someone I knew. There are legal, moral and other considerations. A sperm bank would be your best bet.
You are approaching this in a purely business way, this is not a business decision.
This is a lifetime commitment and an emotional decision which is much more than a pretty house a good community and the ability to pay for a Nanny.
You won't consider adoption because "you want your own" however, you are choosing the father of
"your own" like it is a business decision.
He is handsome, he is intelligent, he is down to earth (which is because of how he was raised, this is not part of his genetics).
Just because he is all of these there is no guarantee that your child will be the same whether you do all the testing available or not.
Science cannot pinpoint every minute detail of a child physically no matter how many times they poke you with a needle and put everything under a microscope.
There is no way to know without doubt that this child will be "perfect" or anything like this man simply because of the circumstances and the different environment this child will be raised in.
I think you misunderstood. I am not seeking a perfect child. But honestly, I'd prefer to have a child by a very successful man with an extremely high IQ, great looks and a genuinely wonderful personality.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989
I think you misunderstood. I am not seeking a perfect child. But honestly, I'd prefer to have a child by a very successful man with an extremely high IQ, great looks and a genuinely wonderful personality.
Why do you not address the sperm bank possibility? It has been mentioned by several people. You can get all the background info you need. Looks. Genetics. Family info. Career. Test scores. Schooling. Etc.
I think you misunderstood. I am not seeking a perfect child. But honestly, I'd prefer to have a child by a very successful man with an extremely high IQ, great looks and a genuinely wonderful personality.
Go find one to date and marry and/or get into a long-term partnership with.
Problem solved.
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For me personally, I would never offer to donate for someone I knew. There are legal, moral and other considerations. A sperm bank would be your best bet.
Go find one to date and marry and/or get into a long-term partnership with.
Problem solved.
It's not that simple. I have dated a number of men, but I do not have the time or inclination at this point to continue searching for Mr. Right. I'm more interested in starting a new chapter and focusing on the prospects of motherhood.
I've found the ideal man, I just hope that he is open to helping me.
It's not that simple. I have dated a number of men, but I do not have the time or inclination at this point to continue searching for Mr. Right. I'm more interested in starting a new chapter and focusing on the prospects of motherhood.
I've found the ideal man, I just hope that he is open to helping me.
You do not have time to date a nice man, but think you have time to be a single parent? Seriously?
I suggest you see a counselor before you try this. You may alienate this nice man. Also, had you considered asking HIM out?
I mean, if you at least go on a few dates with him and he likes you, he might be more inclined to consider your proposal.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Its very hard work bringing up a child alone... I hope this isnt to fill a gap in your life... please think carefully.
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