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Old 08-11-2014, 11:32 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,790,060 times
Reputation: 61840

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
Everyone's circumstances are different. Having both a mom and a dad in the home is the ideal, but what should women like me do, if we are not married and have no immediate prospects? Should we just forgo motherhood altogether, even if we have the tools and resources in place to be good moms?

I understand that it won't be easy. I know that I'll need help. Thankfully, I have a solid support system comprised of family and friends, who have thriving families of their own. They support my decision.

I disagree with your assessment. I just purchased a home in a great community; and I've spent a lot of time thinking about this issue. I do realize it will be a challenge, but if he agrees, I'm willing and able to take on this new chapter.

You are approaching this in a purely business way, this is not a business decision.
This is a lifetime commitment and an emotional decision which is much more than a pretty house a good community and the ability to pay for a Nanny.
You won't consider adoption because "you want your own" however, you are choosing the father of
"your own" like it is a business decision.

He is handsome, he is intelligent, he is down to earth (which is because of how he was raised, this is not part of his genetics).

Just because he is all of these there is no guarantee that your child will be the same whether you do all the testing available or not.
Science cannot pinpoint every minute detail of a child physically no matter how many times they poke you with a needle and put everything under a microscope.
There is no way to know without doubt that this child will be "perfect" or anything like this man simply because of the circumstances and the different environment this child will be raised in.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:38 AM
 
18 posts, read 11,752 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
In your situation, adoption of a non-infant child would make more sense. But you want your own baby. Do what you want but I think it is selfish.

Trust me, from someone who knows, it takes a hell of a lot more than a home in a nice community and a good job to raise a baby proper. I'm even more shocked being a black woman who knows perfectly well how kids are faring without fathers in our community you would even consider this.
Your concerns regarding single parent homes is generally valid, just not in this instance. Unlike many, I have the resources in place to ensure that my child is well taken care of. I also have a strong family network to assist and I can change my schedule as needed, since I have my own business.

I'm confused as to why you believe my situation is akin to the average (struggling) single mother? I have the ability to support and nurture my future child. I can provide a wonderful home, plenty of love, a genuinely beautiful (large) extended family, lots of travel, private school and so much more.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Herndon, VA
1,913 posts, read 1,807,969 times
Reputation: 6172
For me personally, I would never offer to donate for someone I knew. There are legal, moral and other considerations. A sperm bank would be your best bet.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:51 AM
 
18 posts, read 11,752 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
You are approaching this in a purely business way, this is not a business decision.
This is a lifetime commitment and an emotional decision which is much more than a pretty house a good community and the ability to pay for a Nanny.
You won't consider adoption because "you want your own" however, you are choosing the father of
"your own" like it is a business decision.

He is handsome, he is intelligent, he is down to earth (which is because of how he was raised, this is not part of his genetics).

Just because he is all of these there is no guarantee that your child will be the same whether you do all the testing available or not.
Science cannot pinpoint every minute detail of a child physically no matter how many times they poke you with a needle and put everything under a microscope.
There is no way to know without doubt that this child will be "perfect" or anything like this man simply because of the circumstances and the different environment this child will be raised in.
I think you misunderstood. I am not seeking a perfect child. But honestly, I'd prefer to have a child by a very successful man with an extremely high IQ, great looks and a genuinely wonderful personality.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:56 AM
 
32,716 posts, read 22,656,169 times
Reputation: 29772
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
I think you misunderstood. I am not seeking a perfect child. But honestly, I'd prefer to have a child by a very successful man with an extremely high IQ, great looks and a genuinely wonderful personality.

Why do you not address the sperm bank possibility? It has been mentioned by several people. You can get all the background info you need. Looks. Genetics. Family info. Career. Test scores. Schooling. Etc.
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:57 AM
 
Location: My House
33,055 posts, read 26,861,279 times
Reputation: 24400
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
I think you misunderstood. I am not seeking a perfect child. But honestly, I'd prefer to have a child by a very successful man with an extremely high IQ, great looks and a genuinely wonderful personality.
Go find one to date and marry and/or get into a long-term partnership with.

Problem solved.
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Old 08-11-2014, 12:03 PM
 
8,161 posts, read 9,361,414 times
Reputation: 10327
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert20170 View Post
For me personally, I would never offer to donate for someone I knew. There are legal, moral and other considerations. A sperm bank would be your best bet.
Precisely.
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Old 08-11-2014, 12:05 PM
 
18 posts, read 11,752 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
Go find one to date and marry and/or get into a long-term partnership with.

Problem solved.
It's not that simple. I have dated a number of men, but I do not have the time or inclination at this point to continue searching for Mr. Right. I'm more interested in starting a new chapter and focusing on the prospects of motherhood.

I've found the ideal man, I just hope that he is open to helping me.
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Old 08-11-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: My House
33,055 posts, read 26,861,279 times
Reputation: 24400
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
It's not that simple. I have dated a number of men, but I do not have the time or inclination at this point to continue searching for Mr. Right. I'm more interested in starting a new chapter and focusing on the prospects of motherhood.

I've found the ideal man, I just hope that he is open to helping me.
You do not have time to date a nice man, but think you have time to be a single parent? Seriously?

I suggest you see a counselor before you try this. You may alienate this nice man. Also, had you considered asking HIM out?

I mean, if you at least go on a few dates with him and he likes you, he might be more inclined to consider your proposal.
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Old 08-11-2014, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,483 posts, read 11,474,558 times
Reputation: 20944
Its very hard work bringing up a child alone... I hope this isnt to fill a gap in your life... please think carefully.
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