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Old 08-13-2014, 11:01 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,238,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
And why was your brother in the library so often to notice this man in the library so often? LOL
She said her brother is retired. Guess you missed that.

The story is irrelevant though because he could have been a bum who simply claimed to have been an executive making a huge salary.
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Old 08-13-2014, 11:40 AM
 
5,491 posts, read 6,166,432 times
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There "could" be many tentacles to this story....

But lets' take it on face value.

Dad ordered to pay child support. The court (rightly and wrongly) comes up with a number and the Dad is ordered to pay. That is a LEGAL obligation, which in many states ,is paid and enforced through the state. I.E., each month the state pays the spouse, and the Dad pays the state. If you miss a month, your wages are garnished, then your tax returns, then your drivers license, then your passport....etc.

How does this Dad go 10 plus years without paying his obligation, and the Mom doesn't get an enforcement order, or the State doesn't chase him down and flog him for the money?

I don't get that part.

Now? I might sign a release document as soon as you pay the arrears. First things first.
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Old 08-13-2014, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,528 posts, read 16,033,280 times
Reputation: 39006
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
He'll quit that job and start working under the table again. He sounds like a real prize.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I agree that is probably true.

My brother, who is retired, kept noticing this younger man who was often at the public library during the day when my brother was there. One day my brother decided to talk to him and the man explained that he used to be an executive making a huge salary, but his wife divorced him and the day that the courts awarded child support (for his three children) he quit his job and was now basically homeless by choice (that was why he was in the library so often). He told my brother that he would never get another legitimate job (but often accepted cash for odd & short term jobs) thus he "would never have to pay his wife child support".

My brother said that the man was so creepy and determined to make his wife suffer that it appeared that he didn't even care that he was making his children suffer as well. The man delightfully shared a few more details, like his wife was awarded their big house in the divorce but couldn't keep up with the mortgage payments (probably because he wasn't paying child support) so his ex-wife and three kids were forced to move into a tiny apartment in a bad school district.

I have a feeling that the ex-husband of the OPs friend was a lot like the creepy, deadbeat dad that my brother was talking to in the library.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
She said her brother is retired. Guess you missed that.

The story is irrelevant though because he could have been a bum who simply claimed to have been an executive making a huge salary.
While it is certainly possible that the guy was making it all up, the thing that first piqued my brother's interest was that he noticed that the guy was always wearing expensive clothes and he was sitting there reading books that weren't typical (like the classics & large scientific or historical books). My brother told us that after he noticed him a couple of times he decided to talk to him just out of his curiosity (he thought that he might have been a young man who had retired extremely early or unemployed).

I brought it up as an example of how far some men will go to "stick it to" their ex-wives even if it hurts them or their children.

The ex-husband of the OP's friend probably hurt his career and himself, as well as his ex-wife and children, by just accepting menial jobs where he was paid, illegally, "under the table".
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:22 PM
 
2,692 posts, read 3,903,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted Bear View Post
There "could" be many tentacles to this story....

But lets' take it on face value.

Dad ordered to pay child support. The court (rightly and wrongly) comes up with a number and the Dad is ordered to pay. That is a LEGAL obligation, which in many states ,is paid and enforced through the state. I.E., each month the state pays the spouse, and the Dad pays the state. If you miss a month, your wages are garnished, then your tax returns, then your drivers license, then your passport....etc.

How does this Dad go 10 plus years without paying his obligation, and the Mom doesn't get an enforcement order, or the State doesn't chase him down and flog him for the money?

I don't get that part.

Now? I might sign a release document as soon as you pay the arrears. First things first.
Ted Bear - my friend and her ex split 10-15 years ago and he was court ordered to pay child support. When he left NC he apparently traveled around doing odd jobs and she didn't know where he was. When she finally tracked him down and gave his job information to the child support enforcement agency they garnished his wages for a year or two. He then quit (or got fired) that job and she (again) was unable to track him down. He only saw the kids one or two times a year and he always claimed he wasn't working, etc.

I thought (as you did) that the state would track him down. They didn't even though my friend repeatedly tried to get assistance in locating him. She said the child support office told her that she would have to provide his employment information for them to submit a withholding notice. I think the new 'new hire' laws and new tracking system are now helping to track down deadbeat parents. My guess is that is how he recently got found.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:38 PM
 
2,321 posts, read 2,371,414 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
She said her brother is retired. Guess you missed that.

The story is irrelevant though because he could have been a bum who simply claimed to have been an executive making a huge salary.

Oh I wasn't aware that retirement means you spend all your time in a library LOL. Probably closer to the truth is that this is yet ANOTHER urban myth and the conversation with this mythical man in the library never happened -- it just makes this story sound "better". LOL
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Old 08-13-2014, 02:17 PM
 
1,915 posts, read 3,220,871 times
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When I was a teen, my father filed to have child support stopped and actually lied about how old my siblings and I were. He had gotten remarried, so his new wife and her child, from another marriage, were his priority.

My mother laughed when she got the papers.

She said something along the lines of if he had to go through so much trouble and lie to get out of paying a measly hundred bucks a week in child support, he wasn't even worth taking the day off from work. She ignored the court date and we continued on with our lives.

The child he raised, clothed, fed and put through college, that was not his blood? Absolutely hates him with a passion and none of us have a relationship with him, decades later. Something for those that walk away from their families to think about!
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Old 08-13-2014, 04:24 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
6,949 posts, read 4,260,543 times
Reputation: 8932
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
She can go to court and absolve him of future child support but you cannot absolve previous support.

Child support is Federally mandated but handled by the states. The court system will have their hands tied.

He will never be able to get a passport or collect his social security retirement until this debt is paid. He will also have his income tax withheld if he even bothers to file.
Yep.

My mom's second ex-husband stopped paying child support regularly when my sister was two. He's had wages garnished here and there, but never for more than 3-6 months where he'd switch jobs or work under the table. He owes about $45,000 in arrears.
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:37 PM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
11,481 posts, read 7,473,095 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlotteborn View Post
I understand there is a 'new hire' national reporting system that matches deadbeats to child support owed. I just know her ex called her to say his employer received a notice to garnish his wages. As I stated, she has not been able to previously collect support as she couldn't verify his place of employment...............
So she did initiate action, even if it was a long time ago.

See, that's the thing. I paid child support one time. Long time ago. I gave the checks directly to my ex. So the only way someone would know I hadn't paid is if she complained. No complaint; no problem.

Lots of states have deadbeat parents list, but usually when they start talking about a "national deadbeat dad list" it's just a law firm trying to drum up business.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:29 PM
 
2,692 posts, read 3,903,898 times
Reputation: 6274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
So she did initiate action, even if it was a long time ago.

See, that's the thing. I paid child support one time. Long time ago. I gave the checks directly to my ex. So the only way someone would know I hadn't paid is if she complained. No complaint; no problem.

Lots of states have deadbeat parents list, but usually when they start talking about a "national deadbeat dad list" it's just a law firm trying to drum up business.
I believe there are different options in how child support is ordered to be paid. In some cases parents pay child support directly to the custodial parent and it is up to the parents to keep track of the payments. In this case, my friends ex was ordered by the court to pay child support through child support enforcement.

The 'new hire' locator law appears to be helping to collect from deadbeat parents that were court ordered to pay support through child support enforcement. Obviously, as in your case, they would not know someone had not paid unless child support enforcement was keeping up with the payments.
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Old 08-13-2014, 08:50 PM
 
80 posts, read 81,665 times
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my ex owes over $20k in arrears. once my son turned 18 he thought the support would end as well and went out and got a new "real" job and took me to court for support to be terminated. turns out that since my son is in college he has to pay until he turns 23 or finishes a ba degree, which ever is first. i had to forward verification of enrollment to the court, they gave me 10 days. by the time i sent it (within the 10 days) and they asked my ex for updated pay stubs, he was all of a sudden making less money again. that's fine, he is still paying current support and money towards the arrears. I may get only $100 every 2 weeks, but he will be paying it forever. he will also never be able to obtain a passport, purchase a house without satisfying a judgement or hold a professional license (plus lots of other penalties). i often wonder is not supporting his child really worth the cost of all that? seems like a stagnant sort of life to me. he is also married and has 2 other children with her.

i won't release him from paying those arrears. i won't go back to court and try to increase support either...but as long as he is working and the dor sends me that payment i will gladly accept it. he owes it, just like any other debt. he would likely be almost done paying if he did what he should have for the past 18 years.
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