U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-13-2014, 08:28 AM
 
104 posts, read 76,625 times
Reputation: 156

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
Because he had his daughter up on such a high pedestal and no daughter of his could ever betray his trust, so it just had to be his fault, he made her do it. He turned against this young man and his entire family and they had almost no contact with the child. That was just the way my uncle felt about the situation and no one could tell him different. Everybody else knew better though.
In that case, I would venture to say your uncle is partially responsible for the pregnancy as well.

There is a definite difference between "I trust my child" and "My child can do no wrong". The latter belief is more about the parent than it is about the child. Your uncle failed to teach his daughter how to be responsible, and left her alone with the guy not out of a true sense of trust but rather a misguided sense of infallibility (if that makes sense).

Of course, we don't know if the OP's situation is the same. If it is, the OP has a great opportunity to start building some real trust and responsibility.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-13-2014, 09:50 AM
 
452 posts, read 701,853 times
Reputation: 566
Maybe u could cut ur sister some slack at least she told u about the drink. Was it one drink or many? If many then there would be a problem. Your sister trusted u with the information she may not trust you again. We all make silly mistakes in our lives however in this technology stage things are easily recorded without anyone's knowledge.

As for the boy issue at least she told you in hind sight you questioned your judgement in letting her go. Welcome to parenting. I would make sure you as a brother looked out for her and maybe asked her if she had any sexual contact with any boys and if she says yes then depending on he contact have her tested for that. With all the stds out there today that never disappear it is very scary especially for young kids whom think they are invincible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-13-2014, 11:14 PM
 
Location: The Mitten
753 posts, read 1,066,932 times
Reputation: 559
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3a's View Post
Maybe u could cut ur sister some slack at least she told u about the drink. Was it one drink or many? If many then there would be a problem. Your sister trusted u with the information she may not trust you again. We all make silly mistakes in our lives however in this technology stage things are easily recorded without anyone's knowledge.

As for the boy issue at least she told you in hind sight you questioned your judgement in letting her go. Welcome to parenting. I would make sure you as a brother looked out for her and maybe asked her if she had any sexual contact with any boys and if she says yes then depending on he contact have her tested for that. With all the stds out there today that never disappear it is very scary especially for young kids whom think they are invincible.
It was a few drinks, enough to get a hangover and a stomach ache. She also had nothing to eat prior, so it emphasized the alcohol. I understand she entrusted me with that information but only time will tell if she'll trust me again. I still hold most of her secrets to this day, just the ones that won't get her hurt.

I do cut her slack, it's our/her parents who give so little. She was gaining our mom's trust again but I killed it for her. I guess I want to know, too, if it was the right thing to do.

Another thing I have no idea how to bring up is when is it a good time to get birth control? My daughter is only 10 but she is already asking about boys and learning things in school. Mostly just about the girl's stuff. I know it's not now but when? What age?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-13-2014, 11:57 PM
 
104 posts, read 76,625 times
Reputation: 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitopcat View Post
Another thing I have no idea how to bring up is when is it a good time to get birth control? My daughter is only 10 but she is already asking about boys and learning things in school. Mostly just about the girl's stuff. I know it's not now but when? What age?
I know some other posters will disagree with me, but here is what I will tell you: you do not need to get your daughter birth control, now or ever.

Talking to her about sex, boys, and being responsible is not akin to throwing BC pills at her when she reaches a certain age. At ten, she is curious. In a few years, she may want to date. Sometime after that, she may want a boyfriend. Now is the time to impart, or try to impart, on her a set of values and beliefs pertaining to proper sexual behavior and its place in the context of who she is, what value her sexuality has, etc. Just because she is dating does not mean she is having sex, nor does having a relationship imply having sex. You should not feel the need to run out and "get birth control" as if you were getting Motrin for a fever.

And if she does decide to have sex, you should treat it as an opportunity to teach her a valuable life lesson: if she is mature enough to have sex, she is mature enough to buy her own birth control.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2014, 07:26 AM
 
452 posts, read 701,853 times
Reputation: 566
Start talking about sex now. In the sense of how her body is going to change. Keep the lines of communications open and talk about it in open conversations and let her know these conversations are between her and yourself and not her friends. Girls can be very mean and when their body changes and other girls bodies do not they are not so kind. As for the birth control it should be on a case by case basis know ur child and have open lines of communications let them know u understand if they make mistakes u are there for them but u need to know so u can help through the rough patches. It sounds like u have a good handle on things. Have ur daughter keep a diary.

As for ur sister with drinking let her know it disappointed next time and that ur concerned since alcohol is a drug and it can make her do something that she will regret. Would she like ur daughter to look up to her? It would be great if they had that bonding since they are so close in age. U understand that she is young and will make mistakes but we all want something better for our kids and our siblings and ur looking out for ur younger sister and most likely the one of females that ur daughter looks up to.

Good luck! Ur doing a great job don't beat urself up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top