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Old 08-12-2014, 02:08 PM
 
2,321 posts, read 2,362,322 times
Reputation: 2645

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I am AGHAST that a school counselor would suggest you not take her to the doctor in this situation. To me that raises almost as big a flag as the comments your daughter made.

Take her to the doctor, today.
Seriously I am beginning to wonder about all the "facts" here -- unbelievable potential liability for a school counselor to EVER suggest to a parent not to take their child to a doctor after these allegations were made.
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Old 08-12-2014, 02:10 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,978,939 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
The "lying" isn't really my issue here. Understand that she is 5 years old and has a mental disability. There are a lot of things she doesn't understand, including this. She is not intending harm by it, and I don't intend to punish her for it. I just wanted to include as background information that this is a confounding factor, to explain why I don't automatically believe that what she said is actually true.
Listen, children with mental disabilities are targets because nobody believes them. I'm going to say what I didn't say earlier. You are her mother, and you told her teacher, one of your daughter's authority figures, that you don't believe your daughter. How do you think that plays out if you continue to tell people you don't believe your daughter? They'll either never listen to her when she comes to them for help, or an unscrupulous person will take advantage of her because he/she knows you don't believe your daughter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
I have talked to the guidance counselor, who does not think it is necessary to take her to the doctor at this time. She advises to take a watchful waiting approach, considering that there have not been behavioral changes or sleep disturbance, etc. But she said that I could take her to the doctor if it would ease my mind.
I'd want my mind eased. Where do you think she got this idea? This isn't the type of a thing a 5 year old makes up, even a 5 year old with mental disabilities. It came from somewhere. Maybe someone did do that to her. Maybe one of her classmates told her something like this because someone is doing it to them. This isn't the kind of thing you take a watchful waiting approach about. If something happened to her, a pediatrician will only be able to see that before there is time to heal. Time is of the essence. You have nothing to lose taking her to the pediatrician. If nothing happened, the doctor will confirm that. Why are you avoiding taking her to the doctor? Are you afraid?
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Old 08-12-2014, 02:11 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,466,206 times
Reputation: 4430
This can be such a difficult thing.

From my position as a professional child care provider, I would have no issue with your approach. I would understand the special circumstances and also take a 'watch closely' attitude for now. I believe, personally, that not all things said need to be acted upon without supporting 'evidence'.

However, I have to say that not everyone will feel that way and you need to be prepared for the possibility that where it goes from here could be taken out of your hands.

Teachers and counselors are mandated reporters. (so am I as a child care professional) So, if she tells them the same thing-or close enough-that she told you, it may no longer be something you can just watch and see. You relaying what she said to you doesn't carry quite the same burden as it coming directly from her mouth. They may have a certain protocol they are to follow that allows them to take that same watch and see approach. Or they may be required to report what she tells them and go up the chain of command in the school. Of course, some may choose to simply report it anyway.

Keep in mind that Doctors are also mandated reporters. You have to weigh the possible outcome to decide whether it would be helpful or hurtful to visit a doctor and share what she said. On one hand a doctor may tell you there is no evidence that her private parts should be hurting and you've done due diligence in getting her checked out. On another, they may find something to be questionable and feel compelled to report it.

If you don't take her and time shows nothing else to support her comments, then that's a good thing. However, if you don't take her and it turns out that something has/does occur that is reportable, then you are on the firing line for not taking action.

Only you can determine what is the best path for your family.

I've seen mandated reporters take both paths-waiting and not waiting to report. I've seen reports turn out both unsubstantiated and substantiated. I've seen end results run the gamut of great to awful.

All this being said just so you have the opportunity to consider things you may not have previously.

Editing to add.....yes 5 year olds do indeed make up all kinds of crazy stuff, so for those who don't believe it...it's only because you haven't witnessed it yourself. I have. The OP's daughter could very well have stuck her own finger in places just to see how it felt and now hurts but didn't want to get in trouble so placed blame elsewhere. Not unlike when something gets broken kids blaming it on their sibling or the dog.
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Old 08-12-2014, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 5,954,304 times
Reputation: 2620
My main concern with taking her to the doctor is that I just finished telling her that her privates are for her and nobody should be touching them, and now I'm going to take her to a doctor who is going to examine her privates, and that might be a confusing message for her. If nothing bad happened to her, I don't want to scare her or create trauma where there wasn't any already.

I have a call in to the doctor's office and have asked them if they think I should bring her in. Doc is with a patient right now but will call me back soon.
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Old 08-12-2014, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,637,631 times
Reputation: 6732
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
My main concern with taking her to the doctor is that I just finished telling her that her privates are for her and nobody should be touching them, and now I'm going to take her to a doctor who is going to examine her privates, and that might be a confusing message for her. If nothing bad happened to her, I don't want to scare her or create trauma where there wasn't any already.

I have a call in to the doctor's office and have asked them if they think I should bring her in. Doc is with a patient right now but will call me back soon.
So you tell her that the DR is ok to touch but only if mommy/daddy say its ok or are there.
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Old 08-12-2014, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 5,954,304 times
Reputation: 2620
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohky0815 View Post
So you tell her that the DR is ok to touch but only if mommy/daddy say its ok or are there.
Yes, of course, I will tell her that. I just don't know that she will understand that nuance.
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Old 08-12-2014, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,483 posts, read 15,923,785 times
Reputation: 38781
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
Yah, she is not lying to be malicious. She just doesn't really know the difference between imagination and lying. She told me today that there is a silly cat in her school named Cookie who got in the toilet. After a while I asked her if it was a real cat or a cat in a book, and she was able to tell me it was in a book. But that sort of distinction is not really clear for her. She also doesn't have a real sense of time, so will say that something happened "yesterday" to mean that it happened any time in the past, whether yesterday or last week or last year. If something is going to happen in the future, she will say it's going to happen "on Friday".
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
This can be such a difficult thing.

From my position as a professional child care provider, I would have no issue with your approach. I would understand the special circumstances and also take a 'watch closely' attitude for now. I believe, personally, that not all things said need to be acted upon without supporting 'evidence'.

However, I have to say that not everyone will feel that way and you need to be prepared for the possibility that where it goes from here could be taken out of your hands.

Teachers and counselors are mandated reporters. (so am I as a child care professional) So, if she tells them the same thing-or close enough-that she told you, it may no longer be something you can just watch and see. You relaying what she said to you doesn't carry quite the same burden as it coming directly from her mouth. They may have a certain protocol they are to follow that allows them to take that same watch and see approach. Or they may be required to report what she tells them and go up the chain of command in the school. Of course, some may choose to simply report it anyway.

Keep in mind that Doctors are also mandated reporters. You have to weigh the possible outcome to decide whether it would be helpful or hurtful to visit a doctor and share what she said. On one hand a doctor may tell you there is no evidence that her private parts should be hurting and you've done due diligence in getting her checked out. On another, they may find something to be questionable and feel compelled to report it.

If you don't take her and time shows nothing else to support her comments, then that's a good thing. However, if you don't take her and it turns out that something has/does occur that is reportable, then you are on the firing line for not taking action.

Only you can determine what is the best path for your family.

I've seen mandated reporters take both paths-waiting and not waiting to report. I've seen reports turn out both unsubstantiated and substantiated. I've seen end results run the gamut of great to awful.

All this being said just so you have the opportunity to consider things you may not have previously.

Editing to add.....yes 5 year olds do indeed make up all kinds of crazy stuff, so for those who don't believe it...it's only because you haven't witnessed it yourself. I have. The OP's daughter could very well have stuck her own finger in places just to see how it felt and now hurts but didn't want to get in trouble so placed blame elsewhere. Not unlike when something gets broken kids blaming it on their sibling or the dog.
It may end up being nothing (perhaps the girl put her own fingers in those spots---that is actually not unusual) or it may end up being something serious.

When dealing with a very young child, especially one that may not always understand the difference between truth and exaggeration or may actually make things up it can be extra difficult to handle.

Good luck to you.
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Old 08-12-2014, 05:32 PM
 
6,952 posts, read 8,878,222 times
Reputation: 7795
I would try to find out which kid she says did it, and look into it from there, through the teacher and the other parents. With a kid who likes to tell whoppers, who knows whether this is true?

The teacher is a mandated reporter and if someone alleges a sexual assault like that, she HAS to report it, and I can hardly believe she said not to take her to a doctor unless you think you should. You should have taken her STRAIGHT in. This is exactly the kind of kid likely to get singled out by a sexual predator -- the one who has no credibility.
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Old 08-12-2014, 05:55 PM
 
10,398 posts, read 7,478,326 times
Reputation: 18322
Sometimes making a big deal over it is worse than what happened. Not to say she shouldn't be examined. Since SHE said "hurts" then she might be okay being examined.

I agree she got it from somewhere (the tale) so I suspect one of those kids is in a bad situation. Unless they watch the garbage on TV, kids don't just come up with this stuff.
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Old 08-12-2014, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,189 posts, read 14,068,763 times
Reputation: 18141
I have a son with Down syndrome who is low-functioning and I worked part-time in a classroom for children with developmental disabilities and I cannot believe that the school would not be investigating this and having CPS look at what might be going on. I would have taken her straight to the doctor. Sadly, it is common for both children and adults with developmental disabilities to be molested. Also, my son, now even as an adult functions at the level of a 40 month old and he understands the difference between good touch and bad touch and who should be doing it and who shouldn't. IF she is being molested and these people don't report it, the issue becomes failure to protect for those people.
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