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Old 08-13-2014, 10:28 AM
 
15,762 posts, read 13,195,357 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robdreamz View Post
please explain how a 5 year old who complains about their 'Vulva" hurting and says another student did it to her and you think it's just "irritation" from a "Bubble bath'?
A "imaginative child" doesn't make up being sexually molested.
My God I hope you are not a parent!
I am a parent, I am also a mandated reporter and have received more training than most lay people with regards to child abuse.

So let me go point by point.
1. Girl children will frequently have irritations in their vulva or vaginal areas. It is not unusually for a 5 yo child to complain of pain there if she has an infection or irritation. It is also not unusual for the child to use the correct terms if she is taught the correct terms. My children were all taught to use the correct terms for their body parts, even those you seem to want to refer to as euphemisms.

2. This particular child is a special needs child who has shown an inability to differentiate between reality and imagination (not abnormal by any means btw). That has two relevant point. First, that special needs children are more frequently targeted, and parents need to be aware of this. Second, that as a young child who has shown a strong tendency to not tell the truth, it is worth getting a professional opinion before making any accusations towards anyone. This protects not only the people who might wrongly be accused, but also the OPs own child. Children who have made unfounded accusations, are less likely to be believed if they are abused, and thus would make this child a larger target.

3. This child did not call it "sexually molested". That is your emotions coming into play here. For children who are raised to think of all of their body parts as natural and not shameful, there is nothing sexual in her mind about what happened to her (assuming it did at all). If you took out the word vulva, and inserted the word eye, the child would have the same reaction. Someone hurt her, and she is not aware of anything sexual about it. My point about imaginative children would be the same there. Children who have pain in their eyes, say from conjunctivitis, have been known to think they have been poked or directly injured. Why? Because their experience tells them that if something "hurts" it is because of a direct injury rather than an infection. That may or may not be the case here, but that brings me to the final point, and that the mother needs to take the child to the doctor to determine if she has any injuries, as one would expect, from the type of penetration this child claims happened to her.
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Old 08-13-2014, 10:31 AM
 
15,762 posts, read 13,195,357 times
Reputation: 19651
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
She has not taken a bubble bath, so it's not that. It could be the bathing suit thing. Or just not wiping well after using the bathroom. Or too vigorous scratching of bug bites (she has one at her panty line). Or a UTI or yeast infection, etc. I called the doctor's office again this morning and they said that the doc is out this morning but will call me back today to talk about it. I said I could just make an appt, but they said to wait to talk to the doc first.
It is now two days out, and your child is in pain/discomfort regardless of the reason. I would INSIST upon an appointment and today. If they will not accommodate you, I would go to a different doctor who will see your child TODAY.
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Old 08-13-2014, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,499 posts, read 15,961,355 times
Reputation: 38888
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I am a parent, I am also a mandated reporter and have received more training than most lay people with regards to child abuse.

So let me go point by point.
1. Girl children will frequently have irritations in their vulva or vaginal areas. It is not unusually for a 5 yo child to complain of pain there if she has an infection or irritation. It is also not unusual for the child to use the correct terms if she is taught the correct terms. My children were all taught to use the correct terms for their body parts, even those you seem to want to refer to as euphemisms.

2. This particular child is a special needs child who has shown an inability to differentiate between reality and imagination (not abnormal by any means btw). That has two relevant point. First, that special needs children are more frequently targeted, and parents need to be aware of this. Second, that as a young child who has shown a strong tendency to not tell the truth, it is worth getting a professional opinion before making any accusations towards anyone. This protects not only the people who might wrongly be accused, but also the OPs own child. Children who have made unfounded accusations, are less likely to be believed if they are abused, and thus would make this child a larger target.

3. This child did not call it "sexually molested". That is your emotions coming into play here. For children who are raised to think of all of their body parts as natural and not shameful, there is nothing sexual in her mind about what happened to her (assuming it did at all). If you took out the word vulva, and inserted the word eye, the child would have the same reaction. Someone hurt her, and she is not aware of anything sexual about it. My point about imaginative children would be the same there. Children who have pain in their eyes, say from conjunctivitis, have been known to think they have been poked or directly injured. Why? Because their experience tells them that if something "hurts" it is because of a direct injury rather than an infection. That may or may not be the case here, but that brings me to the final point, and that the mother needs to take the child to the doctor to determine if she has any injuries, as one would expect, from the type of penetration this child claims happened to her.
Excellent points.
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Old 08-13-2014, 11:39 AM
 
23,954 posts, read 31,170,350 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
The "lying" isn't really my issue here. Understand that she is 5 years old and has a mental disability. There are a lot of things she doesn't understand, including this. She is not intending harm by it, and I don't intend to punish her for it. I just wanted to include as background information that this is a confounding factor, to explain why I don't automatically believe that what she said is actually true.

I have talked to the guidance counselor, who does not think it is necessary to take her to the doctor at this time. She advises to take a watchful waiting approach, considering that there have not been behavioral changes or sleep disturbance, etc. But she said that I could take her to the doctor if it would ease my mind.
I had not grasped that your daughter had a mental disability until you stated it here. Even so, I DO think the lying should be an issue that you need to deal with. I would hate for her to tell a tale that could hurt someone else. I see no reason to go to a doctor at this point.
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Old 08-13-2014, 11:49 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,059,506 times
Reputation: 30261
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I had not grasped that your daughter had a mental disability until you stated it here. Even so, I DO think the lying should be an issue that you need to deal with. I would hate for her to tell a tale that could hurt someone else. I see no reason to go to a doctor at this point.
It's awful for you to suggest that the OP assume she is lying without knowing for certain. You don't ignore a child who claims to be a victim of molestation, and you most certainly don't accuse them of lying. Victims of abuse are often punished for speaking up, and it's disgusting that happens in today's society.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I see no reason to go to a doctor at this point.
Why the heck not? The child has complained about being in pain for two solid days.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 5,958,743 times
Reputation: 2620
I just got off the phone with the doctor's office. They said that the doctor does not think I need to bring her in right away, but that he does want to talk to me about it by phone in more detail. He is going to call me after clinic around 6pm tonight.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 1,927,929 times
Reputation: 1099
Why would the doctor think you don't have to bring her in? Either you are straight lying, or you are in denial. Do you have a boyfriend/husband? Do you suspect he is the molester? Unless you are scared of them finding something out, get off your ***** and do what you need to do as a mother. You have a responsibility to your child, and you are simply sweeping this under the rug. Of all things to ignore, THIS IS NOT IT.

I am the mother of a special ed child who had a hard time with lies/truth. This is not something you need to start manipulating. She has told you more than once and as a parent I am ashamed for you that you are not setting a MUCH better example of what a parent does to protect their child.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:32 PM
 
15,762 posts, read 13,195,357 times
Reputation: 19651
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I had not grasped that your daughter had a mental disability until you stated it here. Even so, I DO think the lying should be an issue that you need to deal with. I would hate for her to tell a tale that could hurt someone else. I see no reason to go to a doctor at this point.
Really? The child is complaining of discomfort which in and of itself should warrant a doctors visit to rule out an infection.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:35 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,059,506 times
Reputation: 30261
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
I just got off the phone with the doctor's office. They said that the doctor does not think I need to bring her in right away, but that he does want to talk to me about it by phone in more detail. He is going to call me after clinic around 6pm tonight.
This is appalling. Nobody tells me when my children need to be seen by a doctor except me. Not even the doctor. If I encountered this type of treatment by a pediatrician's office, I'd get a new doctor. There is zero this doctor can determine by talking to you about it over the phone. When I call doctors to make an appointment, they don't decide if I need an appointment. They simply schedule an appointment. I can't imagine a world where educators and doctors respond the way they have responded to you.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:46 PM
 
1,025 posts, read 964,559 times
Reputation: 1775
I agree with those that say she should see a doctor. If she is truly hurting, that needs to be addressed, whatever the cause. If she is not hurt, injured, or suffering from some kind of infection, then the doctor can determine that as well, and you can talk with her about the seriousness of making up those kinds of stories.

If she is telling the truth, and CPS gets involved, then you will have to explain why you did not take your child to the doctor when she complained in the first place. IMHO, that could cause some problems for you as a parent.

Unless you are 100% certain she is not experiencing any pain or discomfort, I don't understand why you would not have her checked by a doctor so that you can be sure.
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