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My 5yo daughter is in her 5th week of kindergarten. Last night at bed time she told me that her private parts were hurting her. I asked what happened, and she told me that a boy in her class put his finger in the hole in her vulva and then in the hole in her bottom. She didn't seem upset or anything about it, just matter-of-fact. I told her that it is not okay for anyone to touch her there and that she needs to tell the teacher or another adult if something like that happens, and she said okay.
Now, my daughter is not known to be a very reliable narrator. She says things that seem perfectly reasonable that turn out not to be true. Like, she told me that her class was going to have a beach party and each kid was supposed to bring in a sand toy, which seemed totally plausible, but since I hadn't heard about it from the teacher, I asked, and the teacher said she has no idea where that story came from. She has told me that a kid fell down and got hurt at school, and that kid wasn't even there that day. She was convinced last week that she had left her water bottle in her special ed teacher's room, but the special ed teacher said she wasn't even there that day.
So, with that in mind, I told the teacher what my daughter said, since I think she should be aware of that, but that I don't necessarily think it means that this actually happened. But she should keep her eye out and not have my daughter and this boy alone together, and let us know if she thinks there is reason to escalate our concern. The teacher said that my daughter and this boy already sit on opposite sides of the room and don't have a lot of interaction, especially since my daughter is pulled out for special ed for a good part of the school day most days. She said that she will also inform the guidance counselor, who might come talk with my daughter too.
Beyond that, I'm not really sure how to proceed from here.
I think you handled it well. Except I would make a quick appointment at the pediatrician as he/she maybe to shed some light on whether or not this actually happened.
Sad reality is special ed kids are frequently targeted for these things, and it might have happened to your daughter, but perhaps not the way she said (meaning it wasn't that boy who did it).
I think you need to visit a therapist with your daughter to figure out why she is telling lies and get her to understand how wrong and harmful her lies can be. This is only going to get worse if you don't get a handle on this.
You take children to the doctor when they tell you their private parts hurt. While it doesn't sound like this boy could have done this, this is a big red flag someone may have. Otherwise, how would she even come up with this story? It didn't originate from thin air because she's way too young to know about such things. Where has she heard it? Where has she see it? Has someone done it? It's important to know that the people most likely to molest children are trusted family members and family friends. Maybe the guidance counselor can get her to open up. In the meantime, take your daughter to see her pediatrician ASAP for an examination.
I think you need to visit a therapist with your daughter to figure out why she is telling lies and get her to understand how wrong and harmful her lies can be. This is only going to get worse if you don't get a handle on this.
Five year olds are frequently incapable of know the difference between truth and lie. Most typical children do not develop the kind of abstract reasoning to know the difference until 7 or older. Kids with special needs, depending on the nature of their disability, maybe delayed.
A therapist may or may not be a good idea (depending on what the pediatrician says) but lying is normal behavior for children as they do not know the difference between imagination and lying yet.
Five year olds are frequently incapable of know the difference between truth and lie. Most typical children do not develop the kind of abstract reasoning to know the difference until 7 or older. Kids with special needs, depending on the nature of their disability, maybe delayed.
A therapist may or may not be a good idea (depending on what the pediatrician says) but lying is normal behavior for children as they do not know the difference between imagination and lying yet.
Yah, she is not lying to be malicious. She just doesn't really know the difference between imagination and lying. She told me today that there is a silly cat in her school named Cookie who got in the toilet. After a while I asked her if it was a real cat or a cat in a book, and she was able to tell me it was in a book. But that sort of distinction is not really clear for her. She also doesn't have a real sense of time, so will say that something happened "yesterday" to mean that it happened any time in the past, whether yesterday or last week or last year. If something is going to happen in the future, she will say it's going to happen "on Friday".
Yeah I would take her to the ped and see if she is okay and let him or her ped give her a full exam and explain to the pediatrician what she said and you want to know if she has had this happen to her . Now old school people would tell you to spank her if she keeps telling lies , that was my mothers generation that did that . If she does not know the difference btwn reality and a lie then maybe you need to teach her the difference .. really it will save you a lot of heartache . JMHO
The "lying" isn't really my issue here. Understand that she is 5 years old and has a mental disability. There are a lot of things she doesn't understand, including this. She is not intending harm by it, and I don't intend to punish her for it. I just wanted to include as background information that this is a confounding factor, to explain why I don't automatically believe that what she said is actually true.
I have talked to the guidance counselor, who does not think it is necessary to take her to the doctor at this time. She advises to take a watchful waiting approach, considering that there have not been behavioral changes or sleep disturbance, etc. But she said that I could take her to the doctor if it would ease my mind.
The "lying" isn't really my issue here. Understand that she is 5 years old and has a mental disability. There are a lot of things she doesn't understand, including this. She is not intending harm by it, and I don't intend to punish her for it. I just wanted to include as background information that this is a confounding factor, to explain why I don't automatically believe that what she said is actually true.
I have talked to the guidance counselor, who does not think it is necessary to take her to the doctor at this time. She advises to take a watchful waiting approach, considering that there have not been behavioral changes or sleep disturbance, etc. But she said that I could take her to the doctor if it would ease my mind.
I am AGHAST that a school counselor would suggest you not take her to the doctor in this situation. To me that raises almost as big a flag as the comments your daughter made.
Take her to the doctor, today.
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