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Old 08-11-2014, 08:46 AM
 
18 posts, read 14,102 times
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I am a professional single 36 year old black woman who is very much interested in having a family of my very own. I have the financial resources necessary to successfully raise a child or two, but I do realize it's best for children to have a good mom and dad. Unfortunately, life doesn't always pan out as we wish. I am realistic. I know that I won't find Mr. Right for me (while I'm still able to have children) and I no longer want to waste precious time dating, when I could very well focus solely on starting a family.

I am strongly considering asking a male associate/friend whom I admire and respect to function as the sperm donor. This particular guy is ideal, because he has so many wonderful attributes. He's 27 and highly intelligent (graduated from MIT), very ambitious, classically handsome, tall, humorous, athletic, extremely successful at such a young age, morally sound, thoughtful, polite and outgoing. He is in a relationship, but to my understanding it is not serious, since he just started dating her.

Would it be appropriate to even ask, or am I out of line for even considering this? I would definitely have my attorney draw up legal documents, which would ensure that I have full legal custody of the child. Also, although he does quite well financially, I would be happy to pay for his sperm.

I have thought about this for quite a while. Yes, it bothers me that I am in this predicament, but at the same time, I don't really think it's the worst problem in the world.

If you were in my situation, how would you proceed?
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:49 AM
 
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Based on your description, he doesn't sound like the type that would go for such an arrangement. Why not try a sperm bank if this is the path you want to take?
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:53 AM
 
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I vote sperm bank, just like the person above.

You could go ahead and ask him, but it sounds awkward as hell.

I would have some serious talks with some single moms (especially those who have been single since pregnancy) and make sure I knew for real what I was getting myself into. You are going to need a solid support system if you go this route, and if this kid isn't going to have a dad you will need to think about who can step up and fill that role. Male relatives? Close male friend? It's kind of a big deal.
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:53 AM
 
18 posts, read 14,102 times
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Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Based on your description, he doesn't sound like the type that would go for such an arrangement. Why not try a sperm bank if this is the path you want to take?
I have researched this a great deal. You never quite know what you're getting when you choose a sperm bank, due to quality control issues. Also, there's no way of knowing if the person has the type of disposition, intelligence and values that you may desire.
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:54 AM
 
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You do realize having children goes beyond being financial able to care for them correct?
I think it would be more important to figure out if you have the actual time to be a parent by yourself than who the sperm donor is going to be.
If you choose to proceed all you have to do is ask this man if he will donate, all he can do is say no.
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:55 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,043,204 times
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Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
I have researched this a great deal. You never quite know what you're getting when you choose a sperm bank, due to quality control issues. Also, there's no way of knowing if the person has the type of disposition, intelligence and values that you may desire.

You also don't know his family's history and any mental illness or other chronic illness can skip generations before it manifests again.
This isn't like picking the best looking chicken in the meat counter.
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:55 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,587,789 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
I have researched this a great deal. You never quite know what you're getting when you choose a sperm bank, due to quality control issues. Also, there's no way of knowing if the person has the type of disposition, intelligence and values that you may desire.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but there's no way to ever quite know what you're getting.

Sincerely,
The mother of an out-of-the-blue disabled child born to two healthy, married parents
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:59 AM
 
18 posts, read 14,102 times
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Originally Posted by Tinawina View Post
I vote sperm bank, just like the person above.

You could go ahead and ask him, but it sounds awkward as hell.

I would have some serious talks with some single moms (especially those who have been single since pregnancy) and make sure I knew for real what I was getting myself into. You are going to need a solid support system if you go this route, and if this kid isn't going to have a dad you will need to think about who can step up and fill that role. Male relatives? Close male friend? It's kind of a big deal.
Thank you for your concern. I am an entrepreneur and do quite well for myself. I have the resources to hire a part-time nanny. I am just not sure if I should ask him.

I do have a number of close male relatives who can function as role models, if I have a male child. Although my preference is to have a little girl, I'd be happy with a little boy too.
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:02 AM
 
18 posts, read 14,102 times
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Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
You also don't know his family's history and any mental illness or other chronic illness can skip generations before it manifests again.
This isn't like picking the best looking chicken in the meat counter.
If he agreed to my request, I would ask that he undergo genetic testing. Also, obviously, the amneotic fluid would be tested too, just to ensure that there are no genetic abnormalities.
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:09 AM
 
6,129 posts, read 6,782,603 times
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Originally Posted by Rose_Pedal989 View Post
Thank you for your concern. I am an entrepreneur and do quite well for myself. I have the resources to hire a part-time nanny. I am just not sure if I should ask him.

I do have a number of close male relatives who can function as role models, if I have a male child. Although my preference is to have a little girl, I'd be happy with a little boy too.
Oh it's not just the finances. It's the physical exhaustion, the mental and emotional demands, the time that needs to be devoted to the child, etc. Even with a nanny. It can be done but it helps to know what's coming! But it does sound like you've been doing your research so I'm guessing you have some idea already. That said, a girl will need a male role model too, so either way you need to draft those dudes you know. LOL

There has to be an article somewhere with advice on how to approach someone to be a sperm donor. Maybe something written for people struggling with infertility? I would guess it's a delicate conversation so I suggest getting all the advice you can before doing it. Good luck!
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