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Old 08-15-2014, 05:06 PM
 
Location: East Millcreek
2,351 posts, read 4,925,010 times
Reputation: 2547

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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
I'll be polite to everyone but I respect hardly anyone of any age.
No worries. You can be sure they lack of respect for you as well.
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Old 08-15-2014, 06:50 PM
 
Location: WI
2,820 posts, read 3,061,866 times
Reputation: 4815
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Ah...but you ARE teaching your child to be rude. If your 3 1/2 son, thinks it's cool to race daddy to his recliner, and that chair is just a chair, well....you could actually be teaching your child to have zero respect for his father. Where you take it from there, well...it's up to you. It's cuter than heck right now, just a game. When that child is 13 1/2 years old, and your husband can't even sit in his chair without having to fight with his kid over it, well....perhaps you'll think about it.

It's just a chair, right? No, it's not just a chair. It's about showing respect to the man who goes to work every day in order to put food on the table, Internet in the home, television and electricity and water and a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs.

Guess what? Many of us felt exactly the way you do, when we started our parenting journey. Believe it or not, but it's a fact. We did. We were wrong and had to do a wee bit of backpeddling and realize that our "beliefs" were steering our little ones in the wrong direction. We're just trying to share with you, that you truly do have to be careful. You can teach your children respect for others and that there is a natural hierarchy that is to be adhered to.

Listen, when my kids were little, my hubby didn't think that ole chair thing was an issue either. He's an "extra softy" kinda guy, and just like you, thought it was the silliest thing in the world to get worked up over. The kids got a little older and MOST of them respected the fact that I INSISTED that they respect their father, I INSISTED that they NOT be in his chair when he was ready to kick of his boots and put his aching feet up after a hard day. MOST of my children understood that it was disrespectful for them to be in his chair. His "early" way of thinking affected one of them in a big way, though.

Guess who ended up butting heads in a HUGE way? Yep, the one who had listened to his dad and didn't think that chair was "Dad's right", ended up living through over a decade of horrible dysfuctional life and has had so many regrets, because of his "lack of repect for others' feelings and rights". Yes, that followed him through life, that awful, entitled, childish, selfish attitude, an attitude TAUGHT to him by his father, not only put a wall between his father and him, but just about everyone else he encountered, until he GOT IT.

It's not about a CHAIR, it's about respect. It's about HONORING your parents. It's about the "heads" of the household being the "heads of the household". If your hubby's recliner is "just a chair", then the teacher's desk is "just a desk". It's not a big deal if the kid sits there, right? I mean, it's cool, because you can see everyone in the class from that desk, right? It's just another desk and another chair. Heck, let's go a bit further into the future. Let's say your grown child has a staff meeting he's expected to attend. The boss sits at the head of the table. It's just another chair, right? The boss can easily just sit in another chair, right? What's the biggie? Lemme tell ya Momma, there's a HUGE difference. It isn't JUST another chair. It is the BOSS' chair and your kid is not gonna be with the company very damn long, if he thinks he has the right to sit in his boss' chair. Trust me. That chair is MORE than just a chair.


It might seem awesome, that your little ones are assertive and entertaining. Hey, it makes them the center of attention, right? That same behavior might not be quite as darn cute, once they're teens and asserting themselves all over the place and needing to be the "center of attention", the most important person, the only one whose feelings matter. It's called...teaching your child to become an entitled, selfish human being, who has been taught to always think of themselves first. Your child does not have to CARE about others. Others have to CARE about them. If you don't love, you don't care. You can't love if you don't CARE. Please put 2 and 2 together and see where this COULD lead. I and others KNOW where it can lead. Don't shoot messengers who are trying to help you avoid some serious shyte for you and your kids, down the road, okay?
It is a big competition in our house for the good spot on our couch. I am very nervous though, now that you mention "decades of dysfunction." How can I prepare myself for that? They all do well in school, sports, volunteering and summer jobs. We've not had issues with them disrespecting bosses or teachers. No one has tried to sit at the teacher's desk, at least not that I know of. Should I call the teacher and let him know there may be an issue? I think I CARE about my kids, but I know where it COULD lead, so I'd like to find out if I've messed up my kids for life because I've not INSISTED they RESPECT their elders and told them to sit on the floor because mom wants to sit on the BEST spot on the couch or the comfy recliner.

Anxiously awaiting your answers. I'd like to get my kids off the track of dysfunction ASAP.
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Old 08-15-2014, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,651,862 times
Reputation: 19408
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
It is a big competition in our house for the good spot on our couch. I am very nervous though, now that you mention "decades of dysfunction." How can I prepare myself for that? They all do well in school, sports, volunteering and summer jobs. We've not had issues with them disrespecting bosses or teachers. No one has tried to sit at the teacher's desk, at least not that I know of. Should I call the teacher and let him know there may be an issue? I think I CARE about my kids, but I know where it COULD lead, so I'd like to find out if I've messed up my kids for life because I've not INSISTED they RESPECT their elders and told them to sit on the floor because mom wants to sit on the BEST spot on the couch or the comfy recliner.

Anxiously awaiting your answers. I'd like to get my kids off the track of dysfunction ASAP.
Seriously, I can't imagine not having enough adequate, comfortable seating for ALL the members of my household...always have, always will. As for whether or not you've messed your kids up for life, only time will tell. Some people never quite get over not being allowed to sit in their parent's spot...OMG....HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA, frickin hilarious, just the thought of it. Imagine!...being such a mental head case that you had to go to a "counsellor", because your father was cruel and your mother did NOTHING to stop it!!.

Counsellor: Tell me what you're here to discuss. What exactly is it that's troubling you?

F Upped parent: Well, you see...he had this chair and it was so nice and it reclined. If he was home, and wanted to sit in it, I had to sit on the old couch. I just don't get it! I wanted to sit in THAT chair!

Oh dear gawd....grow up and be parents for cripes sake, instead of children having children.
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Old 08-15-2014, 09:36 PM
 
726 posts, read 663,940 times
Reputation: 1710
Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian Slums View Post
Everyone deserves respect imho until proven otherwise. Even you. It's like "innocent until proven guilty."
What is politeness anyways? If you are not polite out of respect, it almost seems manipulative or insincere at the very least.
Respect for which achievements? Respect has to be earned as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to be respected automatically either.
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Old 08-15-2014, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Franklin, TN
105 posts, read 87,343 times
Reputation: 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by kletter1mann View Post
This is one of the silliest, unreflective posts I can recall for some time. You've framed this as black and white and used the example of pedophiles. I'm guessing you're either one of those "noone-can-tell-my-kid-what-to-do" parents with kids that run wild or you're a kid. Either way, It's hard to know where to start.

Adults aren't inherently superior, but in most functioning human societies that I can think of adults are higher up in the human social hierarchy. The default social behavior for children is therefore respect (being polite, appropriate social behavior). Do you let your kids run wild in a restaurant and then get bent out of shape if another customer tells them to quite bumping their table? Or, perhaps, you'd be outraged if I told your little darling to quit texting in a movie? If so, they you are personally contributing to the general decline in civility that we all lament.

And to top it off you seem to be justifying permissiveness with examples that make absolutely no sense. Socks in the oven? Doing what a pedophile wants because they're an adult? Seriously???

Quit screwing up your kids and making the world a worse place for the rest of us.
What about adults that have never worked a day in their lives? Do they belong on the floor too?

My kids are very well behaved. Because they are treated like little adults, they act like it.

If someone is bothered by them (ex. noise) I don't mind them commenting but I cannot stand nosey strangers that think its their job to say things which are none of their business.
What do they do for my child? Nothing. I take care of them 24/7, so it's my business.

If an adult was annoying the sh*t out of me I would have some words. In short, speak to my kid as if he is equal. My methods may be unpopular , but hey, they work.

We have a certain expectation of children. We underestimate them. This is why I also never used baby talk.

I know what you are going to say...two topics but it all lumps together..children should be treated like little adults.
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Old 08-15-2014, 10:28 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,271 posts, read 4,982,884 times
Reputation: 3861
Children are not little adults. Have you ever heard of brain development?
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Old 08-15-2014, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Franklin, TN
105 posts, read 87,343 times
Reputation: 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
Respect for which achievements? Respect has to be earned as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to be respected automatically either.
At last someone has their own mind
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Old 08-15-2014, 11:01 PM
 
Location: Franklin, TN
105 posts, read 87,343 times
Reputation: 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13 View Post
Children are not little adults. Have you ever heard of brain development?
The brain develops based on environment. If you place someone in an empty room from birth with no stimulation, he/she will still have the mind of a newborn at age 10.

My children learn from what they are taught.

They have toys and get to play and have fun, but we don't assume that they are beneath us or incapable of anything.
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Old 08-15-2014, 11:59 PM
 
11,355 posts, read 6,418,421 times
Reputation: 6088
Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
Respect for which achievements? Respect has to be earned as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to be respected automatically either.
The definition I associate with respect is:
Quote:
: a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way
I do want that automatically given to me. I believe we've all dealt with kids that don't practice that. Most people have a term for it....BRAT.
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Old 08-16-2014, 01:03 AM
 
Location: Franklin, TN
105 posts, read 87,343 times
Reputation: 160
So what's the appropriate way? The way you think you deserve to be honored?

No brats are people that feel entitled. Our age group + is not exempt.

We practice fairness.
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