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Old 09-02-2014, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,079 posts, read 7,253,311 times
Reputation: 2557

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I was walking around in the grocery store this am and my son called. He told me he was feeling lonesome and that he really missed me. I feel really sad for him because he has always been closer to me than his dad, and he really is not able to talk to his dad about his feelings.

He has always been open and honest with me about his feelings and the things he is going through. In the past 2 months I guess I have seen him for about 10 minutes or so.

I miss him too.... =(
Is there any way you can get together with him some time soon? It will be good for you both.
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Old 09-02-2014, 07:03 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,554,167 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719 View Post
Is there any way you can get together with him some time soon? It will be good for you both.
That is a little difficult. He lives three hours away and goes to school til 5 and then works from 6 to 10 M-F, then again on Saturday. I normally go get he and his sister but only his sister since he has started this job.

I will be going to get his sister next weekend and I can probably take her home early on Sunday and spend the day out there with him on Sunday.

I do miss him terribly. I know when he moves here at the end of the year it will be much better for him. He seems to have a bit of a depressive-type personality.

When he gets here, I am going to try and get him into counseling. His dad doesn't believe in it. He feels like he can't talk to his dad, and I completely understand why.

I was scared out of my mind to try and sit down down and talk to him when we were having troubles. I sat on the other side of the room...
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Old 09-02-2014, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Type 0.7 Kardashev
10,577 posts, read 6,838,298 times
Reputation: 37337
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
You know, my son has turned out to be a wonderful and smart young man. He is 20 now, and my daughter is 18.

Unfortunately they live with their dad and I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My son got a job and I wont be able to see him. They were both coming for a week.

I know that it is good he has a job. He needs to be saving money. He will be coming here at the end of the year to transfer to a 4 year college.

He will have his own Jeep to drive to school and work.

I guess it's just hard letting them grow up. I guess I'll get over it one of these days.

How did you handle it?
It just happens.

This past weekend, my two oldest turned 18 years old. They're now legally adults. And I am now the father of two adult children. I've been turning that over a lot in my mind since it dawned on me (I didn't really conceptualize it that way until just a few days prior to their birthday). It doesn't bother me, but I do find it curious.

In general, I have been fascinated lately with aging, watching my own in a curious sort of detached way.

I miss my babies. I miss holding them, making them laugh, teaching them things. I miss the way I'd get up with them around 2am every night (they shared a crib, and one would cry and soon the other would join in). Down we'd go, to the sofa, where my daughter would sleep on my chest for the rest of the night, while my son would sleep in the crook of my left arm.

I miss that. But they're not babies anymore, and I am happy - if sometimes wistful - to see them launching into their own independent lives. They just started their senior year of high school today. I know that in a year, they'll be gone, and our younger son will then be just two years from leaving himself.

I guess how I handle it is that I see what is happening as the entire point out having children in the first place - we've spent 18 years working towards this point. Raising them to be healthy and happy and decent and capable. They're about to launch into a great adventure, an absolutely wonderful time of life. That knowledge is far greater than the fact that I miss things that are lost in the past.

I'm still a father - but my role is changing. And I'll still be a father when they're gone, and when they're in their thirties, and beyond. As long as I'm around, I'll be their father. It's just an ever-changing role.

Life is like a river - you're just carried on with the current, and you chart the best course you can.
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Old 09-02-2014, 08:20 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,554,167 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsettomati View Post
It just happens.

This past weekend, my two oldest turned 18 years old. They're now legally adults. And I am now the father of two adult children. I've been turning that over a lot in my mind since it dawned on me (I didn't really conceptualize it that way until just a few days prior to their birthday). It doesn't bother me, but I do find it curious.

In general, I have been fascinated lately with aging, watching my own in a curious sort of detached way.

I miss my babies. I miss holding them, making them laugh, teaching them things. I miss the way I'd get up with them around 2am every night (they shared a crib, and one would cry and soon the other would join in). Down we'd go, to the sofa, where my daughter would sleep on my chest for the rest of the night, while my son would sleep in the crook of my left arm.

I miss that. But they're not babies anymore, and I am happy - if sometimes wistful - to see them launching into their own independent lives. They just started their senior year of high school today. I know that in a year, they'll be gone, and our younger son will then be just two years from leaving himself.

I guess how I handle it is that I see what is happening as the entire point out having children in the first place - we've spent 18 years working towards this point. Raising them to be healthy and happy and decent and capable. They're about to launch into a great adventure, an absolutely wonderful time of life. That knowledge is far greater than the fact that I miss things that are lost in the past.

I'm still a father - but my role is changing. And I'll still be a father when they're gone, and when they're in their thirties, and beyond. As long as I'm around, I'll be their father. It's just an ever-changing role.

Life is like a river - you're just carried on with the current, and you chart the best course you can.
That's a nice post, thank you. I am going to be glad when he moves here with me. As much as my posts sound like I want to keep him a child, I really don't. I actually would love to help usher him into adulthood.

His dad won't let that happen, with either of the kids. They have not been allowed to get drivers licenses or anything to allow them to be independent.

When he comes here, we are going to help him with school and I will be giving him a vehicle. He will be living here for a while, but after some time,and when he becomes settled, I will try and get him out on his own. At least working towards that goal.

Right now they are in a bubble of control. I hate it for them.
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