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Old 08-14-2014, 11:40 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,541,856 times
Reputation: 19578

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You know, my son has turned out to be a wonderful and smart young man. He is 20 now, and my daughter is 18.

Unfortunately they live with their dad and I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My son got a job and I wont be able to see him. They were both coming for a week.

I know that it is good he has a job. He needs to be saving money. He will be coming here at the end of the year to transfer to a 4 year college.

He will have his own Jeep to drive to school and work.

I guess it's just hard letting them grow up. I guess I'll get over it one of these days.

How did you handle it?
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Old 08-14-2014, 11:52 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,033,856 times
Reputation: 30256
It was hard for me, but it got easier. I have no real advice other than reassuring you of that.

You can look forward to him joining you at the end of the year.

I suspect your biggest adjustment will be after he graduates college if he moves away.
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Old 08-14-2014, 11:57 AM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,821,663 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
You know, my son has turned out to be a wonderful and smart young man. He is 20 now, and my daughter is 18.

Unfortunately they live with their dad and I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My son got a job and I wont be able to see him. They were both coming for a week.

I know that it is good he has a job. He needs to be saving money. He will be coming here at the end of the year to transfer to a 4 year college.

He will have his own Jeep to drive to school and work.

I guess it's just hard letting them grow up. I guess I'll get over it one of these days.

How did you handle it?
I never had a problem with it....I mean really did you honestly think your kids wouldn't be adults one day? I've enjoyed each stage as it happened ( okay maybe not the preteen years so much. .lol) and helped prepare then for the next.

Your kid will always be your kid..... why mourn over the fact that they did what humans do? Enjoy the here and now.
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Old 08-14-2014, 03:20 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,541,856 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
I never had a problem with it....I mean really did you honestly think your kids wouldn't be adults one day? I've enjoyed each stage as it happened ( okay maybe not the preteen years so much. .lol) and helped prepare then for the next.

Your kid will always be your kid..... why mourn over the fact that they did what humans do? Enjoy the here and now.
I have a problem with it. When my kids were 12 and 14 a judge placed them with their alcoholic father because he had a lawyer and as a single mother who got child support for the kids when I deserved it, I could not afford a lawyer.

I have missed so much with my kids, so yes, it is hard to let go.

It was hard for my mother also, and I now understand why she never wanted me to go.

I do enjoy the here and now, but I do not enjoy not being able to see him for months. Is there really something wrong with that?
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Old 08-14-2014, 03:27 PM
 
421 posts, read 449,050 times
Reputation: 390
I'm sever years away from an empty nest, but I have ones who have left the nest already. Although I have 10+ years until its totally empty, its a topic I have discussed with my therapist. She says the key is to invest time and energy in yourself and your hobbies, even reinvent yourself. She says she has had several clients working through this transition.
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Old 08-14-2014, 03:58 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,821,663 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I have a problem with it. When my kids were 12 and 14 a judge placed them with their alcoholic father because he had a lawyer and as a single mother who got child support for the kids when I deserved it, I could not afford a lawyer.

I have missed so much with my kids, so yes, it is hard to let go.

It was hard for my mother also, and I now understand why she never wanted me to go.

I do enjoy the here and now, but I do not enjoy not being able to see him for months. Is there really something wrong with that?
Missing then Is much different than not wanting them, or being sad over, the inescapable fact they are going to grow up.
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:27 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,541,856 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
Missing then Is much different than not wanting them, or being sad over, the inescapable fact they are going to grow up.
I suppose we don't think the same way and that is about all there is too it.
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,012 posts, read 31,979,565 times
Reputation: 30406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
You know, my son has turned out to be a wonderful and smart young man. He is 20 now, and my daughter is 18.

Unfortunately they live with their dad and I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My son got a job and I wont be able to see him. They were both coming for a week.

I know that it is good he has a job. He needs to be saving money. He will be coming here at the end of the year to transfer to a 4 year college.

He will have his own Jeep to drive to school and work.

I guess it's just hard letting them grow up. I guess I'll get over it one of these days.

How did you handle it?
One thing I would say to you, keep busy with productive social life.

I left my mother's house not very long ago in 2011 to move 55 minutes away. And then I moved 600+ miles away in 2012. I worry the hell about my mother since she is not the most social and she is stuck somewhere she despises. Him seeing or hearing about you being social or having a strong significant other will take a load off of his mind and allow him to concentrate on business. In turn, you will not feel empty to the point of heartbreak every time he leaves.

But otherwise, congrats on raising a good man in spite of a questionable father figure.
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:58 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,033,856 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by eyeye View Post
She says the key is to invest time and energy in yourself and your hobbies, even reinvent yourself.
This is excellent advice. That's what I did. The exact focus will be different for everyone because we're all unique.
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Old 08-14-2014, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,026 posts, read 32,712,180 times
Reputation: 57130
I have five kids (four "of my own" and one step son I've had in my life since he was 11). They all 21 or older now and all have moved out, built their own lives, etc.

I missed each of them a bit as they grew up and left home, but I was never devastated by it, or even overly sad. I have always enjoyed watching them build their lives, their educations, careers, etc.

I miss each of them, and wish I could see more of them, but I'm happy they're successful adults. It's all good.
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