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Old 08-14-2014, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 36,005 times
Reputation: 41

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Have you asked her?

She may just be a very responsible young person who loves you and wants to do her part to support the family. While it's unusual, unless she's unhappy or it's keeping her from achieving a goal, just tell her "thank you" and consider yourself lucky.

When she doesn't do that stuff, is the house messy? Are there dishes piled in the sink? Do you eat chips and salsa for dinner? She may just like cleanliness and order in her life. That could be especially true if her early life was chaotic with two teenage parents.

It's possible that she's afraid you're going to abandon her, or she doesn't want you to date anyone and thinks being so helpful will stop you from doing that. But really, no one on here will be able to tell you that--only she can.
It's never been overly messy, before she was 14, it was never messy. Yes, my dinners are always simple( cereal, frozen wings, grilled cheese). I have dated in the past and she never had any problems with it
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Old 08-14-2014, 03:55 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
755 posts, read 839,219 times
Reputation: 1970
Whether she "wants" to or not, you are the parent and you should be doing the caregiving, not your daughter. Pitching in is one thing. Taking over all the domestic duties is another, and really not appropriate. She should be helping around the house, and you should be doing the bulk of work, not the other way around. It isn't enough for you to protest, "I could do that," and then let her do it anyway. Do it. It doesn't matter what her response is, that's your job and your proper role. You have let her be a sort of little wife (I don't mean that in a sick way, and it's not unusual at all for girls who are alone in a family with their fathers, for a lot of the reasons people have suggested on this thread) and though she is already an adult, it isn't too late for you to pick up the reigns in your household & help her understand that you're the dad, she's the child, and she doesn't have to "earn" your love.

Good on you for recognizing there's something off about the situation.
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:11 PM
 
1,915 posts, read 3,225,515 times
Reputation: 2996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghostfacefan View Post
I'm 34, my daughter just turned 18. Yes, that math is correct, I became a father at 16. My ex wife( technically we're not divorced but we consider each other exes) and I were childhood friends who dated through high school. My wife is gone now, very messy situation, she did what she felt was best for her. So now it's just my daughter and I. Ever since she was around 14, she's had this incessant need to take care of me and I guess watch out for me. I'm not mad or annoyed, I think it's sweet. I've told her I'm a grown man who can do things for himself.

Every morning, before I wake up, she gets up and makes breakfast, I never asked her too, but she does anyway. Average day for her during the school year is: Get up, cook breakfast, go to school, go to work, come home, homework, cook dinner, chill, bed. Working was her idea, she wanted to " pitch in". I offer to cook, but she always tells me, she likes her food edible( I'm not that bad at cooking haha). She cleans the house about 50% of the time because " dirtiness annoys her".

Why does she do all this? Is it just the thought process of " Mom's gone, I need to step up to the plate."

I "fight" her on everything as in " You don't need to do that, I can..." but her response is " but I want too"
Sounds like Molly Ringwald Syndrome....kidding, just reads like the movie Pretty In Pink. My real answer is that she does it because she loves you, is responsible and has a great work ethic. Congratulations on raising what seems like a great young lady!
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 36,005 times
Reputation: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by kharing View Post
Sounds like Molly Ringwald Syndrome....kidding, just reads like the movie Pretty In Pink.
never did see that movie
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 36,005 times
Reputation: 41
she really is her mother's daughter. Her mom was really stubborn about " I'm doing this" sure you could insist, insist, insist, but in the end, she did it
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:30 PM
 
15,213 posts, read 16,141,910 times
Reputation: 25185
Don't insist. Just do it before she has a chance to.
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:35 PM
 
421 posts, read 451,232 times
Reputation: 390
My nieces mother left when she was 3. She wasn't lucky enough to have a loving father, her dad just farmed her off on a string of nannies and a new wife who hated her. But just the fact she left really injured my niece. She lived with us through high school and it was really hard.

So first pat yourself on the back, you did well.

But taking a step back, is she balanced in her life? If she is balanced with friends, work, hobbies and likes to help in the house, throw yourself a parade. You won the jackpot. It might just be a "dad and I are in this together" feeling and a really good kid

If there is an imbalance like no solid friendships, no hobbies besides taking care of you or substance abuse, etc then talking to her and potentially working with a therapist to help her might help.
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:37 PM
 
421 posts, read 451,232 times
Reputation: 390
I also agree, don't let her slip into the wife role. It's called emotional incest and very damaging. If you think it slipped there (not the same as being a pedophile) then working on correcting that is really important.
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Old 08-14-2014, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 36,005 times
Reputation: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by eyeye View Post
My nieces mother left when she was 3. She wasn't lucky enough to have a loving father, her dad just farmed her off on a string of nannies and a new wife who hated her. But just the fact she left really injured my niece. She lived with us through high school and it was really hard.

So first pat yourself on the back, you did well.

But taking a step back, is she balanced in her life? If she is balanced with friends, work, hobbies and likes to help in the house, throw yourself a parade. You won the jackpot. It might just be a "dad and I are in this together" feeling and a really good kid

If there is an imbalance like no solid friendships, no hobbies besides taking care of you or substance abuse, etc then talking to her and potentially working with a therapist to help her might help.
I wish she had more time for her friends, I'm hoping college dorms help her in that department
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Old 08-14-2014, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Kaliforneea
1,210 posts, read 860,512 times
Reputation: 1999
I dont see what the problem is. Sounds like she'll keep a neat house, be a good cook, and will finish college.

Would you rather be complaining about: my daughter just covered her left arm with a sleeve tattoo, she got preggo, she smokes pot all day/I think she's on meth, she never cleans her room or helps out and doesn't want to go to college OR the armed forces?

Age-appropriate challenges: talk to her about her next steps -
what kind of career does she want? (working with people, numbers, or things?) Will she go to law/med/grad school? Is she dating and looking forward to moving out? At some point you do push baby bird out of the nest, but not before you've taught her not only to fly, but SOAR and fend for herself. Maybe not make the same mistakes her father did (speaking autobiographically, not insulting you).
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