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Old 08-16-2014, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 35,870 times
Reputation: 41

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does she need the counseling?
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Old 08-16-2014, 01:12 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,237 posts, read 15,024,326 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghostfacefan View Post
I have asked her why she does specific things.

Why does she clean? She hates filth and " because she wants to"
Why does she work? " I live here too, I want to pitch in"
Why cook? " You can't cook"
She is essentially functioning as your wife - as single parents we have to make very sure that this doesn't happen.

I tried very hard not to turn my son into the 'little man' or 'man of the house' but children of single parents tend to be privy to more than they probably should.

I would find a way to put a stop to much of it. Hire a cleaning service if you need to.
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Old 08-16-2014, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 35,870 times
Reputation: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
She is essentially functioning as your wife - as single parents we have to make very sure that this doesn't happen.

I tried very hard not to turn my son into the 'little man' or 'man of the house' but children of single parents tend to be privy to more than they probably should.

I would find a way to put a stop to much of it. Hire a cleaning service if you need to.
I know, we're trying to change that.
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Old 08-16-2014, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 35,870 times
Reputation: 41
What really tore her up, because of her mom leaving was when I would leave to go on dates. She'd hug and beg me not to leave, I'd come home and she'd hug me because I was home( safe from whatever evil woman I was at dinner with). I think she felt, in that moment, that I would push her out of her life like her mom did.
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Old 08-16-2014, 04:27 PM
 
519 posts, read 555,454 times
Reputation: 950
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghostfacefan View Post
She told me her favorite memory was the night before her 5th birthday. She remembers me sitting at the table, drinking a beer, and she'd gotten out of her bed( past bedtime), come into the kitchen, gotten a box of Oreos and poured a glass of milk. She recalls me asking " Why are you up? It's bedtime" and " who said you could have cookies?" Both questions were answered with " Daddy I'm almost 5, I can make my own choices"
Adorable!
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Old 08-16-2014, 07:39 PM
 
300 posts, read 321,487 times
Reputation: 218
Ghost,

The bad new is you got a problem.
The good news is you know it.

A couple things to keeping mind:
1. Effective parenting is moving target.
2. Kids listen to 20% of what parents say and watch 80% of what parents do.

I don't think she's acting like a kid, nor is she acting like a wife. She's acting like your mom. Which leads me to believe you're acting like a kid. You set up this dynamic and it's up to you to change it. Pronto.

Her life should not revolve around household chores. She does all the chores because it's her way of controlling an out-of-controll dynamic. YOu gotta step-up, dude. Start taking control and set-up a home life where she feels taken-care-of. Not the other way around.

She needs to find a life out side of housekeeping. (look at her PT job: waiting on people) She needs to experience failure and accomplishement. She needs to establish an identiy.

Has she ever participated in sports, music, crafty hobbies, summer camp, sleep overs? Do you know her friends? Are her grades good? Does she challenge her self at school (take honors classes or electives)?

What about you? Do you exercise, participated in sports, play music, crafty hobbies, travel, host dinner parties, go to ball games, concerts? Do you have friends? Do you like your job? Do you take classes or training to advance your career?

You gotta lead by example.

As soon as school starts back-up, go see her college advisor. Get long list of schools. Go visit. Tell her she's going away to college and it's not optional.

Last edited by blu4u; 08-16-2014 at 09:02 PM..
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Old 08-16-2014, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 35,870 times
Reputation: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by blu4u View Post
Ghost,

The bad new is you got a problem.
The good news is you know it.

A couple things to keeping mind:
1. Effective parenting is moving target.
2. Kids listen to 20% of what parents say and watch 80% of what parents do.

I don't think she's acting like a kid, nor is she acting like a wife. She's acting like your mom. Which leads me to believe you're acting like a kid. You set up this dynamic and it's up to you to change it. Pronto.

Her life should not revolve around household chores. She does all the chores because it's her way of controlling an out-of-controll dynamic. YOu gotta step-up, dude. Start taking control and set-up a home life where she feels taken-care-of. Not the other way around.

She needs to find a life out side of housekeeping. (look at her PT job: waiting on people) She needs to experience failure and accomplishement. She needs to establish an identiy.

Has she ever participated in sports, music, crafty hobbies, summer camp, sleep overs? Do you know her friends? Are her grades good? Does she challenge her self at school (take honors classes or electives)?

What about you? Do you exercise, participated in sports, play music, crafty hobbies, travel, host dinner parties, go to ball games, concerts? Do you have friends? Do you like your job? Do you take classes or training to advance your career?

You gotta lead by example.

As soon as school starts back-up, go see her college advisor. Get long list of schools. Go visit. Tell her she's going away to college and it's not optional.
She cheerleads and has done the sleepover things, a few of them at our place. I know her friends, her grades are fantastic, she's in all honors. I work out, play pick up basketball from time to time, I have friends, enjoy my job, go to concerts from time to time
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Old 08-16-2014, 10:23 PM
 
300 posts, read 321,487 times
Reputation: 218
?

Last edited by blu4u; 08-16-2014 at 11:50 PM..
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Old 08-16-2014, 11:47 PM
 
300 posts, read 321,487 times
Reputation: 218
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghostfacefan View Post
Like I said, she refuses to go to college more than 30 min. away, and she plans on commuting from home. It's why she won't go to MSU, its 90min away. Not trying to brag, but she did get a scholarship to UM, nut she wont go there either, it's over 30min away too. I told her to go to UM because of how great of a school it is and how great her future would be coming into a job interview with a degree from UM, but she's adamant, 30min or less.
Did you tell her that she EARNED the schoalrship because of her hard work?
Did you tell her that you would not allow her to sabotage her life?

What a shame!
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Old 08-17-2014, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Detroit,MI
58 posts, read 35,870 times
Reputation: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by blu4u View Post
Did you tell her that she EARNED the schoalrship because of her hard work?
Did you tell her that you would not allow her to sabotage her life?

What a shame!
I did, I did. I really don't know what you're getting at with these pointless questions. Honestly, I'd appreciate you leaving the thread
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