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Old 08-16-2014, 09:52 PM
 
11,436 posts, read 6,509,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ozgal View Post
Again, you miss the point that it is all relative.

If you're spending $2k when your income is $120k, it's unlikely to affect your child's needs and quality of life.
Well the fact is - things cost money. The cost of a vacation or something can only be scaled down so far. $2k is 1.66% of a $120k income. Do you expect the entertainment budget for parents living on $40k to be 1.66%? That's $664/year. At what point does the spending of this couple stop negatively impacting their family? Perhaps 1% or $400? Are you going to tell this couple that can't spend 10% of their income despite their children being cared for in the manner they see fit?

 
Old 08-16-2014, 09:55 PM
 
436 posts, read 308,345 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eddiehaskell View Post

If I said:

Parents drive new BMWs, travel 2 months per year, wear designer clothing, fancy jewelry, own a boat, etc.

and

Kids go to the worst school in the county, have trouble finding clean cloths, eat terrible foods, have no one to take them to activities, etc

THEN you may have a point about conflicting lifestyles of parent and child.

That was pretty much my life. My dad had Audi's, BMW's, Mercedes, etc. Yet he couldn't afford to hire someone to drive me to the school concert I was supposed to perform in, so I failed that class. Our (public) school had a more or less mandatory ski trip; he tried to give me his hand-me-down ski boots (I was an 11 year old girl) that had dry-rotted in the garage to use because he didn't want to splurge on the rental. I remember one instance where he had me sit on the floor of the car because he had so many shopping bags full of leather shoes he bought for himself that took up the entire backseat (and trunk). I wore his hand me down sweatshirts to school in middle school, with the sleeves rolled up.

So there ya go.
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:00 PM
 
11,436 posts, read 6,509,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
People that need to spend 10% every of their income on a single vacation without their kids, or on a single hobby or whatever, probably shouldn't have kids.
Who created this arbitrary rule?

Quote:
And if they do, like the poster in the thread, they will likely be remember for not making their children a priority, and thus less than an ideal parent.
How do you figure? How do you know the children aren't a priority and well cared for?

Quote:
Now I know how you are going to straw man this one already…."So parents have to have no other priorities except their children?" Not what I said, but every child should be made to feel that they are A priority to their parents, and certainly higher up than dads caribbean vacation or hot rod or whatever.
You are trying to define how much of a priority a kid is based on what the parents spend or don't spend on personal enjoyment? That sounds a little holier-than-thou if you ask me.
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:02 PM
 
11,436 posts, read 6,509,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zenapple View Post
That was pretty much my life. My dad had Audi's, BMW's, Mercedes, etc. Yet he couldn't afford to hire someone to drive me to the school concert I was supposed to perform in, so I failed that class. Our (public) school had a more or less mandatory ski trip; he tried to give me his hand-me-down ski boots (I was an 11 year old girl) that had dry-rotted in the garage to use because he didn't want to splurge on the rental. I remember one instance where he had me sit on the floor of the car because he had so many shopping bags full of leather shoes he bought for himself. I wore his hand me down sweatshirts to school in middle school, with the sleeves rolled up.

So there ya go.
I agree that this could be a case of parent and child lifestyles not meshing, but to be fair, I'd have to hear his side of the story too.
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:03 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 38,035,243 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eddiehaskell View Post
Who created this arbitrary rule?

How do you figure? How do you know the children aren't a priority and well cared for?

You are trying to define how much of a priority a kid is based on what the parents spend or don't spend on personal enjoyment? That sounds a little holier-than-thou if you ask me.

Actually, if you go back through this thread you should see that you are the one who has stated both of these.

*and no I will not find your words for you*
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:07 PM
 
15,812 posts, read 13,255,696 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eddiehaskell View Post
But according to your social class commentary it doesn't matter. $2500 isn't going to put the $20k into another social class, right?
You said it was every year. more than 20% of the income over a child's lifetime absolutely can move you into another social class.
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zenapple View Post
What the what? I'm not a parent because I shop for the kids (and myself) at Goodwill? It's a choice our family makes so we can do other things instead. Since all families have a finite amount of resources, it's up to them to spend them wisely. We could buy them (and us) fancy clothes instead, and have less money to spend on other things, but it's a choice we make. The clothes are just as nice, and it's not the ONLY place I shop, but HOW on Earth is it better to shop at Old Navy -- of all places! -- than at Goodwill?
He seems to be caught on materialistic things as if shopping at Goodwill and wearing hand-me-downs makes one an unfit parent. If a parent frees up some resources by shopping at Goodwill - WHO CARES what they do with the money saved? Dad can buy a $2000 cigar for all I care.

If the parent's can free up another $200 by buying books at Goodwill - good job and once again, who care what they do with the leftovers.
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:11 PM
 
11,436 posts, read 6,509,554 times
Reputation: 6211
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
You said it was every year. more than 20% of the income over a child's lifetime absolutely can move you into another social class.
How does that work? At the end of 18 years the person has $45k, probably still rents, still has a car payment, no other assets, etc. How does $45k change this person's social class?
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:15 PM
 
1,167 posts, read 1,045,246 times
Reputation: 2136
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddiehaskell View Post
Did you discuss these things with no consideration for money?

Do you believe that your child has the best life possible even if money was no consideration? If not, what stops you from moving closer to that lifestyle? Do you rationalize it by saying "good enough"?
I've already told you multiple times that finances are not the only consideration parents make when it comes to decision making. That means that yes, they are a consideration, but not the only, or even in many cases, a primary consideration.

If you ceased cherry picking minute parts of what people say and then twisting them entirely out of context, this could actually be a productive conversation instead of an exercise in complete futility.
 
Old 08-16-2014, 10:16 PM
 
11,436 posts, read 6,509,554 times
Reputation: 6211
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Actually, if you go back through this thread you should see that you are the one who has stated both of these.

*and no I will not find your words for you*
I did. I have asked if posters consider being content with providing a certain lifestyle can make one a bad parent.

For example:

- child attends an average public in the state (a mix of poor, working class and middle class families)
- family lives in an average (or even below average) home in a working class/average neighborhood/city (not dangerous, but not the safest)
- child wears relatively modest clothing (perhaps even some hand-me-downs)
- child receives 2 or 3 star childcare instead of 5 star
- child doesn't have access to all extracurricular activities/tutoring and parents probably can't afford to pay for all college expenses
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