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Old 07-24-2008, 09:24 PM
 
1,024 posts, read 2,881,593 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Kids doing looky-looky and grabby-grabby is normal at that age. Parental reactions may be harmful to the kids, but that sort of thing is definitely not in and of itself.
I agree 100%!

I have three little boys, and they are always saying things about butt cracks, poopy, this and poopy that. If one is getting changed, the other is slapping his butt, yelling, "slap that hines!"

They are 7, 5 & 3 and this behavior is totally normal - annoying, yes - but still normal.
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Old 07-25-2008, 09:42 AM
 
485 posts, read 1,031,692 times
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And I think those of you who are making light of a childs "natural curiosity" are fueling the fire so to speak! Your childs "natural curiosity" may just get projected onto another child who belongs to a family with a different set of values! You may blow off such situations just as the parents of the child who did this to my son had done, but what happens when you get a call like the OP got? In their case she isn't sure of where it might have come from other then Spongebob, which I commend her on riding those types of cartoons from her house. Spongebob is a horrible cartoon!!

My point is that things such as this in children this young should never be considered natural. Sure kids "discover" their privates, but it is not natural for them to show them off especially if you have told them that privates are just that, private! You don't have to make a huge deal and give them a complex, but being firm and letting them know that the behavior is inappropriate is your responsibility as a parent!

Last edited by jeannie216; 10-06-2009 at 08:01 PM.. Reason: edited per member's request
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
11,165 posts, read 12,802,180 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ibginnie View Post
I ditto that, djacques. This is so the norm for the age. We as a society have become so sexually obsessed that we can not see the forest for the trees. Kids are curious and quite forward. It's nature. It probably happened in all of our formative years and we don't remember because no one made a big deal out of it.

Aren't most people curious of what they don't know or see?

My son was very "sexual" as a young boy. He meant nothing by it but curiosity. He is now a very successful 21 year old with out curiosity about the opposite sex. I'd like to think that it's because when I saw him singling out certain girls I educated him by using SCIENCE
and by being frank.
I totally agree. At that age, a neighbor girl (my own age) used to drag me into a shed and make me pull down my pants and touch my "part" to hers. I just went along with it and after a few times she'd had enough. I remember another girl asking me to "show me yours and I'll show you mine". And then around age 12-14, boys go through some sexual stage where they want to touch/fondle other boys. Several friends tried this with me and they're all heterosexual adults with families. This is all just normal sexual development IMO and nothing to be alarmed about.
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Old 07-25-2008, 02:11 PM
 
Location: West Texas
2,440 posts, read 3,713,781 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SingleMom12345 View Post
Hi,
I really need help. My son was caught in the bathroom at his pre-school asking another female student if he could touch her butt. When the teacher heard them she entered the room and removed them and they were both taken to the office and parents were called. Now, again this week - apparently it happened again - he was caught asking her again if he could touch her butt. Several times this week, when she raised her hand to use the bathroom - he immediately did the same.
It's pre-school... so I would personally just chalk it up to curiosity. I would talk to him, though, and let him know it's not appropriate.

When I was a little boy (about 5 or 6) I remember being busted in the closet with the daughter of my mom's friend (she was about the same age). We had our pants down and were "touching nasties." We both got spanked. But it wasn't like we were perverts (from what I can remember), guess we were curiously testing.

If he's old enough to understand, explain that it's not good for him.. that he has to wait for his wife, like his daddy had to wait for you. He doesn't have to know if it's true or not, but hopefully he'll understand.
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Old 07-25-2008, 02:50 PM
 
Location: in my mind
2,746 posts, read 9,835,573 times
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I think you are confusing normal sexual curiosity with unwanted inappropriate touching and a kid who has no understanding of keeping their hands to themselves, either because they weren't taught, or because they themselves have perhaps been victimized.

If you have taught your child about privates being private AND about body ownership AND about respecting others you are unlikely to have this sort of thing happen where your kid is inappropriately touching another repeatedly.

The truth of the matter is that there are two different scenarios here... one being normal curiousity, looking, that is mutually desired by children of a similar age... the other being someone who his coercing, bullying, or convincing another to do something they are uncomfortable with.

And I HAVE been in your shoes. My son was molested at age 5 by a 10 year old and it was NOT playing doctor, it was NOT consensual or normal.

If you son was traumatized (which it seems like he was) I do sincerely hope you've considered counseling and I do sincerely hope he has no feelings of shame or guilt about this. My son has had counseling and has taken a long time to work through what happened... I have explained to him that his being brave and telling us what was happening quite likely saved himself and the other boy too, so they can both get help.

Still, I recognize that there is a difference between what happened and normal little kid curiousity. There IS a difference, it takes some educating yourself to recognize it and treat it apropriately.

I am so sorry your son was hurt and I totally understand your pain, I do, but I think it's unfair to blame what happened on something as simple as parents telling their kids that curiosity is normal, because it is. A child who will violate other's bodies and/or wishes repeatedly is sometimes a symptom of a bigger and different problem.

My kids were always taught about their bodies and their RIGHTS to privacy as well as the rights of others.

Last edited by jeannie216; 10-06-2009 at 08:02 PM..
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Old 11-18-2008, 03:31 PM
 
4 posts, read 61,089 times
Reputation: 28
Default I understand

My 6 year old daugher confided in me last night that a boy in her 1st grade class has been poking at her private parts. My husband is a law enforcement officer so we took her immediately to the ER to be examined, a report filed and a conference with the school this morning that the principal "could not," make. I am outraged. Turns out this little boy is doing this to another little boy and girl. I am at my end, I have no idea how to make this right. I am walking in your shoes and it is not a good feeling nor a feeling that all those "take so lightly," parents seem to think is just fun games and kids being kids. I cannot believe that some parents are so clueless to the meaning of "do not touch there." I am trying to find the best way to handle my situation.
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Old 11-18-2008, 06:32 PM
 
Location: THE USA
3,254 posts, read 3,570,431 times
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I don't think it means a damn thing. Kids are curious. I was caught with the boys playing doctor quite a few times and it was not sexual *obviously at that age nothing is* but it was more anatomy.

Why does he have that and why do i have this?

Just remind him we don't do that because adults get wierded out by it. Read books about kids anatomy with him to let him explore any questions he has.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SingleMom12345 View Post
Hi,
I really need help. My son was caught in the bathroom at his pre-school asking another female student if he could touch her butt. When the teacher heard them she entered the room and removed them and they were both taken to the office and parents were called. Now, again this week - apparently it happened again - he was caught asking her again if he could touch her butt. Several times this week, when she raised her hand to use the bathroom - he immediately did the same.

I had a meeting with the principal this week andthey said to continue talking with him that private parts are to be kept private and not to be shown or touched by others - but my just turned five and I just don't think my talks are working on him.

I have noticed that while watching spongebob he would pause the cartoon when spongebob's butt would be one the screen. I have removed all spongebob movies from him and explained that he is no longer able to watch that cartoon because he is not a good role model for little boys.

I just don't know what the obsession is with the butt. What do I do?
My son does not see any inappropriate things in my home and I always accompany him into the restroom when we are out so I don't think anything has ever happened as far as abuse to him. But, the school is getting very frustrated as am I. Any suggestions/comments would be appreciated.
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Old 11-18-2008, 06:43 PM
 
Location: THE USA
3,254 posts, read 3,570,431 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KBD0127 View Post
My 6 year old daugher confided in me last night that a boy in her 1st grade class has been poking at her private parts. My husband is a law enforcement officer so we took her immediately to the ER to be examined, a report filed and a conference with the school this morning that the principal "could not," make. I am outraged. Turns out this little boy is doing this to another little boy and girl. I am at my end, I have no idea how to make this right. I am walking in your shoes and it is not a good feeling nor a feeling that all those "take so lightly," parents seem to think is just fun games and kids being kids. I cannot believe that some parents are so clueless to the meaning of "do not touch there." I am trying to find the best way to handle my situation.
Holy crap you certainly overreact.

I had a boy in 1st grade who used to pull up my dress to see my underwear repeatedly. I was 5 or 6 yrs old.

There was NO damage done to me permanently over his yanking up my dress to check out my undies.

Now if my parents had dragged me to the popo station to testify and the toER and had them do tests on me to see if i was abused, i believe i would be traumatized TO THIS DAY.

The kid is in her class, it's not like he was 2 years above.

You should speak with the school and have a conference with his parents. NOt involve the cops in your schoolyard drama.

Sheesh
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Old 11-18-2008, 09:32 PM
 
4 posts, read 61,089 times
Reputation: 28
First of all you do not know me and there is more to the story than what I told to be non-explicit. Furthermore my husband is a cop and when you are at home at 8pm and your daughter is screaming he touches me he touches me you tell me how you would have reacted. Yes pulling up a dress is one thing, but poking her in the privates trying to get around to grab a piece is a totally different ballgame and from where I was raised little girls should NOT have to go through that no matter what. My children will NOT be touched. also, on the school note the principal did nothing she wanted to smooth it under the rug only after finding out this kid has done this to two other kids and their parents are not happy either. You have a lot to learn.
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Old 11-18-2008, 09:47 PM
 
4 posts, read 61,089 times
Reputation: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taboo2 View Post
Holy crap you certainly overreact.

I had a boy in 1st grade who used to pull up my dress to see my underwear repeatedly. I was 5 or 6 yrs old.

There was NO damage done to me permanently over his yanking up my dress to check out my undies.

Now if my parents had dragged me to the popo station to testify and the toER and had them do tests on me to see if i was abused, i believe i would be traumatized TO THIS DAY.

The kid is in her class, it's not like he was 2 years above.

You should speak with the school and have a conference with his parents. NOt involve the cops in your schoolyard drama.

Sheesh
First thing my husband is a cop and we followed all direct guidelines. When your child comes home from school and starts screaming at night He touches me he touches me you do what is best for your child at the moment. My child comes first above all else. When this kid is repeatedly trying to poke and touch my daughters private parts there is an issue. He is also doing it to two other kids. The principal says we should try to smooth it over. I feel that measures should be taken now to ensure this kid has a nice life without having a jail ticket following him around everywhere he goes. When the principal approaches me and says that removing the kid that started this should not be moved becuase it will disrupt his life, then you know where the support system lies in the school. So to involve the "po po's," was a given seeing that their Daddy protects you everyday of his life. Unless you have walked in my shoes, your negative comments about overreacting are not welcome. If a boy walks by a girl and just taps her on the shoulder and keeps walking that is one thing, but when a 6 year old boy continues to go under the table during class and poke and try to grab a piece during class you have a definite issue at home. This was not and will not be taken lightly, my child means more to me than that.
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