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Old 12-22-2007, 05:19 PM
 
3 posts, read 29,297 times
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Hi,
I really need help. My son was caught in the bathroom at his pre-school asking another female student if he could touch her butt. When the teacher heard them she entered the room and removed them and they were both taken to the office and parents were called. Now, again this week - apparently it happened again - he was caught asking her again if he could touch her butt. Several times this week, when she raised her hand to use the bathroom - he immediately did the same.

I had a meeting with the principal this week andthey said to continue talking with him that private parts are to be kept private and not to be shown or touched by others - but my just turned five and I just don't think my talks are working on him.

I have noticed that while watching spongebob he would pause the cartoon when spongebob's butt would be one the screen. I have removed all spongebob movies from him and explained that he is no longer able to watch that cartoon because he is not a good role model for little boys.

I just don't know what the obsession is with the butt. What do I do?
My son does not see any inappropriate things in my home and I always accompany him into the restroom when we are out so I don't think anything has ever happened as far as abuse to him. But, the school is getting very frustrated as am I. Any suggestions/comments would be appreciated.
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Old 12-22-2007, 05:26 PM
 
Location: NE Florida
9,362 posts, read 22,334,554 times
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This may bring a lot of negative comments, but I think he may just be curious. Not that he should have been allowed to touch her! But kids are naturally curious at that age. Good time to have the "private areas" talk with him....we don't touch other people's private areas and, outside of mommy and the doctor, no one should touch yours.

My son is 14 and when we had the talk when he was in preschool, he referred to them as "privatal areas". We still use that expression!
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Old 12-22-2007, 05:49 PM
 
833 posts, read 4,369,446 times
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I agree with HIF. At that age, most preschoolers are very curious about their own private parts and others' private parts. Just keep talking to him about how only he can touch his own parts (if that's what your family teaches about those parts!), and that mom and doctor may touch them if he complains about pain or problems with his private parts.
If it develops into a pattern of not following the rules at school regarding this, then you may need to make an appointment with the pediatrician to find out how you can better approach the situation. Also, you've probably already done this, but talk to your girlfriends who are moms about this. See what their take on it is. They probably know your son well and can give you guidance as to how to proceed.
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Old 12-22-2007, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Austin 'burbs
3,226 posts, read 12,661,782 times
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Since it's a pattern, meaning he's done it more consistantly than just one instance (and he's done some things on his own, via TV) - I would be more concerned than, "He's just curious."

I would be talking to the pediatrician, and potentially a counselor ASAP to see if your son has had anything inappropriate happen to him, and as a result is mirroring the behavior and acting out.

I am assuming your child is 3 or 4 - and really, children should not be "sexually" curious at that age, when involving other children.

I would do some research on healthy and unhealthy sexual behaviors by age, and that may help guide you on some things to look for.
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Old 12-22-2007, 06:10 PM
 
Location: Austin 'burbs
3,226 posts, read 12,661,782 times
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I just reread your thread and saw your child is 5. So, that does change my opinion "a bit"...

Kids at 5 are more into "bathroom" and "potty" jokes, and so the "butt obsession" isn't concerning to me. What is concerning, though, is that he seems to be singling out a specific girl, and touching her inappropriately even after being told not to.

Let me be honest here, one of my children was touched inappropriately by another kindergarten boy. It happened several times, even though we brought it quickly to the attention of the teacher and principal. The school really wasn't concerned initially and used the "just curious" excuse too. "Just curious" is not singling out a specific child and repeatedly doing something they have been told not to. After the third instance, the boy was finally removed from the room. Frankly, they are lucky we didn't sue.

Your child may need to be seperated from this girl, and I think that you should be prepared for, and perhaps even suggest, it. It's safer for everyone.
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Old 12-22-2007, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 21,125,101 times
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ditto HIF and summers19. Is dad involved at all? It might be helpful if another adult whom your son trusts works with you to gently reinforce what is appropriate behavior and what isn't.
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Old 12-22-2007, 06:30 PM
 
Location: alt reality
1,084 posts, read 1,949,067 times
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Wow, Jenbar I have to commend you on your patience during that whole ordeal. I don't think my temper could have handled it (maybe that's why I don't have kids yet, LOL)

To singlemom, does your child go to afterschool daycare or something? Perhaps he's getting it from other kids he's hanging around or older kids? Does he have older siblings that may be influencing him? Try to find out what's going on asap before you come across an angry dad that could care less about the "just curious" excuse . Like Jenbar stated, the fact that he is targeting a specific girl and won't stop when he has been told to stop is troubling.
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Old 12-22-2007, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Austin 'burbs
3,226 posts, read 12,661,782 times
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Quote:
Wow, Jenbar I have to commend you on your patience during that whole ordeal. I don't think my temper could have handled it (maybe that's why I don't have kids yet, LOL)
Oh, I didn't have patience, believe me. I was in the principals office immediately, pulled him from school for a week, spoke directly with the administration at the district level - and when I weighted my other schooling options (which weren't good), and got assurance that they would CLOSELY monitor the situation, change processes in the room so that it couldn't happen again, etc - I allowed him to return to school... and it happened again that week. That's when they removed the child - and because of privacy laws, I don't know what happened on that end.

It was a horrible experience.
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Old 12-22-2007, 09:15 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,189,582 times
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Kids doing looky-looky and grabby-grabby is normal at that age. Parental reactions may be harmful to the kids, but that sort of thing is definitely not in and of itself.
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Old 12-22-2007, 10:33 PM
 
Location: exit 0
4,117 posts, read 2,867,732 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Kids doing looky-looky and grabby-grabby is normal at that age. Parental reactions may be harmful to the kids, but that sort of thing is definitely not in and of itself.
I ditto that, djacques. This is so the norm for the age. We as a society have become so sexually obsessed that we can not see the forest for the trees. Kids are curious and quite forward. It's nature. It probably happened in all of our formative years and we don't remember because no one made a big deal out of it.

Aren't most people curious of what they don't know or see?

My son was very "sexual" as a young boy. He meant nothing by it but curiosity. He is now a very successful 21 year old with out curiosity about the opposite sex. I'd like to think that it's because when I saw him singling out certain girls I educated him by using SCIENCE
and by being frank.
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