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Old 09-15-2014, 01:08 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 371,939 times
Reputation: 1132

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719 View Post
I'm in agreement that sending her to preschool will be the best thing for her. It's hers alone.

It will make her feel special and she will be overjoyed with the "work" she brings home.

I had a three year old with twin babies. It was the best thing I could have done with my oldest at that time.
Three is a very trying and demanding age. I think terrible twos don't exist. It's three when things get tougher.
I am not a parent but, IMO, terms like: terrible two, terrible, three, terrible teens and other terrible terms for kids are actually Smoke Screens to cover up TERRIBLE PARENTING! The kids have no voice or defenses or they could accurately describe their own parents as TERRIBLE in almost any family situation. I know I could have and am now free to say it - my parents, not us kids, were TERRIBLE! They, not us kids, NEEDED therapy and mental help but, since they were adults, nobody would have ever suggested that they should get help and kept the focus on their kid's issues instead - just like what is happening in this discussion. Can't any of you see that the parents, more than the kids, NEED THERAPY?
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Old 09-15-2014, 01:23 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 371,939 times
Reputation: 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
You need to work on her behavior before you put her with other students for her to "poke really hard". Some of the stuff you mention is not typical 3yo crap. It's spoiled 3yo crap.
IMO, "spoiled" kids are VICTIMS of bad parenting! If this was my "spoiled" kid, I'd get to work on MY "behavior" more than the behavior of my now damaged child!
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Old 09-15-2014, 02:10 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 371,939 times
Reputation: 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
I do think the jealousy is normal sibling rivalry,
IMO and experience, sibling jealousy is only NORMAL when the parents have FAILED to train the jealous kid to lovingly accept the other kid so the insecurity and fear that produces jealousy is not even there to begin with. I believe most people accept jealousy and rivalry as NORMAL is because very few have the courage or intelligence to see exactly how it all begins with their own very inadequate and damaged parenting that started in the damaged family they have come from. I can now see exactly how and why my parents were very damaged as kids which led up the the very inadequate way they raised us kids to be scared, jealous, angry, punitive and generally messed up thanks to generations and generations of BAD PARENTING.
Quote:
but you do need to work on stopping the hitting.
I'd say the parents need to work on their inadequate parenting skills and that might begin with what follows:

Quote:
With our kids, we don't say *no, don't hit* but rather *use gentle hands.* Then you show her how to use her hands gently. If her sister just became mobile, that is the time when the older child is more likely to be jealous because sister is getting into her toys now.
Yes, my brother became very intimidating and MEAN when I touched his toys all because our ignorant parents FAILED to train him to happily accept me and maybe they even ENJOYED our toddler skirmishes!
Quote:
You may also want to read Hands are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi to her which gives kids other things they *can* do with their hands instead of hitting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqiX...yer_detailpage
There is even a song
Hands are not for Hitting | More with Music
I guess that any of that might help an inadequate parent undo the damages they have done to their innocent little kids but, I'd vote for learning how to be an adequate parent BEFORE the damage is done instead of trying to undo it. I wish our stupid parents had been big and wise enough to UNDO the damages they did to us boys before we got so bad and dangerous later on. LOL, hitting was an unquestioned STANDARD at our sick home!
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Old 09-15-2014, 02:22 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 371,939 times
Reputation: 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by blu4u View Post
Sometimes they overwhelmed me with kindness and spirit.
We were like that whenever their "good" parenting was showing.
Quote:
Sometimes they were outrageous brats.
And we were "brats" when their bad parenting was showing. Either way, it was always about their parenting, not our behavior, which was, up to a certain age, ALWAYS a response to their parenting but they would never have admitted it, and like most parents, would say that we were "brats", etc. instead of accepting any responsibility for their own FAILURES as parents. Now that I am old enough and experienced enough to see it, it's absolutely obvious to me - and I'm not a parent! I am willing to acknowledge that we may have had some kind of genetic or "disorder" thing in us, but our "good or bad" behavior was a direct response to the kind of parenting we got and it was generally pretty bad which promoted pretty bad behavior in their kids!
I'd say it takes a REMARKABLE and HONEST parent to admit this and I've seen very few of those in my lifetime!
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Old 09-15-2014, 02:33 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 371,939 times
Reputation: 1132
Hello:
I have entered this string rather late and saw red flags in the OP right away re: the naughty behavior of their 3 yo child so, as far as I am concerned, all the discssions about school, speech, daycare, etc. are of little importance and the mental well being of their child is the main thing for me. I am also amazed how few responders place any value on how the kids are being raised and that the parents, more than their "problem" kids are in need of mental/emotional help and therapy, IMO. But I've seen over and over, in other forums, that adults and parents RARELY suggest that their peers consider therapy or counseling for them self while staying focussed on the "problem" kids instead. It's like the adults belong to a special, exclusive "club" and will stand UNITED behind the other Adult Club Members to deal with the Non-member kids or Outsiders. I wonder if any of them were ever kids them self?
jim
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Old 09-15-2014, 05:30 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,823,062 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
Hello:
I have entered this string rather late and saw red flags in the OP right away re: the naughty behavior of their 3 yo child so, as far as I am concerned, all the discssions about school, speech, daycare, etc. are of little importance and the mental well being of their child is the main thing for me. I am also amazed how few responders place any value on how the kids are being raised and that the parents, more than their "problem" kids are in need of mental/emotional help and therapy, IMO. But I've seen over and over, in other forums, that adults and parents RARELY suggest that their peers consider therapy or counseling for them self while staying focussed on the "problem" kids instead. It's like the adults belong to a special, exclusive "club" and will stand UNITED behind the other Adult Club Members to deal with the Non-member kids or Outsiders. I wonder if any of them were ever kids them self?
jim
You have jumped into every thread saying how horrible parents are...and you obviously have issues with yours...we git that.

But really...parents aren't always the problem (sometimes they are)..and it's a tad one sided for you to jump into multiple threads blaming parents because kids are being kids.
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Old 09-15-2014, 06:20 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,079 posts, read 7,250,374 times
Reputation: 2557
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
I am not a parent but, IMO, terms like: terrible two, terrible, three, terrible teens and other terrible terms for kids are actually Smoke Screens to cover up TERRIBLE PARENTING! The kids have no voice or defenses or they could accurately describe their own parents as TERRIBLE in almost any family situation. I know I could have and am now free to say it - my parents, not us kids, were TERRIBLE! They, not us kids, NEEDED therapy and mental help but, since they were adults, nobody would have ever suggested that they should get help and kept the focus on their kid's issues instead - just like what is happening in this discussion. Can't any of you see that the parents, more than the kids, NEED THERAPY?
No. I don't think these are terrible parents at all. It sounds like parents that want what's best for their kids while trying to be financially responsible.

If anyone thinks kids don't become more challenging at certain points of their life must not raise them on their own.
Children don't come with a manual. They are not simple to raise either. There are more challenging times than others. So what if people come up with terms for those times. I don't think the kids are scarred because someone said they were in the "terrible twos" or something similar.
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Old 09-16-2014, 12:52 PM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,015,654 times
Reputation: 64014
The OP must address the three years old's behavioral problems before sending her preschool. The older child is poking and being rough with the nine month old because she can get away with it. The OP fails to realize that child abuse is taking place under her roof. A nine month old baby can not protect herself, and the parents should not allow this abuse continue.
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Old 09-16-2014, 09:18 PM
 
15,299 posts, read 16,854,240 times
Reputation: 15020
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
IMO and experience, sibling jealousy is only NORMAL when the parents have FAILED to train the jealous kid to lovingly accept the other kid so the insecurity and fear that produces jealousy is not even there to begin with. I believe most people accept jealousy and rivalry as NORMAL is because very few have the courage or intelligence to see exactly how it all begins with their own very inadequate and damaged parenting that started in the damaged family they have come from. I can now see exactly how and why my parents were very damaged as kids which led up the the very inadequate way they raised us kids to be scared, jealous, angry, punitive and generally messed up thanks to generations and generations of BAD PARENTING.
I'd say the parents need to work on their inadequate parenting skills and that might begin with what follows:

Yes, my brother became very intimidating and MEAN when I touched his toys all because our ignorant parents FAILED to train him to happily accept me and maybe they even ENJOYED our toddler skirmishes!
I guess that any of that might help an inadequate parent undo the damages they have done to their innocent little kids but, I'd vote for learning how to be an adequate parent BEFORE the damage is done instead of trying to undo it. I wish our stupid parents had been big and wise enough to UNDO the damages they did to us boys before we got so bad and dangerous later on. LOL, hitting was an unquestioned STANDARD at our sick home!
What did your parents do that was so bad? Maybe we can learn something from their example.

Look, some jealousy is normal between siblings, but parents can work to help children get over it. You don't treat each child the same, but treat each child as he or she needs to be treated. The difference in age, in interests, etc. mean that children cannot be treated exactly the same.

I agree that damage often plays out from generation to generation, but each new generation *can* overcome that programming with learning and will power.
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Old 09-17-2014, 11:13 AM
 
2,054 posts, read 985,923 times
Reputation: 3925
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
I am not a parent but, IMO, terms like: terrible two, terrible, three, terrible teens and other terrible terms for kids are actually Smoke Screens to cover up TERRIBLE PARENTING! The kids have no voice or defenses or they could accurately describe their own parents as TERRIBLE in almost any family situation. I know I could have and am now free to say it - my parents, not us kids, were TERRIBLE! They, not us kids, NEEDED therapy and mental help but, since they were adults, nobody would have ever suggested that they should get help and kept the focus on their kid's issues instead - just like what is happening in this discussion. Can't any of you see that the parents, more than the kids, NEED THERAPY?
So you are not a parent yet know that children are never to blame; it's all the parents fault?

I have no children but I know that children go through stages when they are bratty, selfish etc. They are trying to balance new skills and behaviors and are sometimes frustrated in trying to keep up with everything and act out.

Some parents are terrible but so are some kids (at certain ages/stages).

It sounds as if you may need some professional help to get past your childhood hurts. Your parents may have been abusive, but you are an adult now. You need to find some way of letting go of this rage that you have against your parents.
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