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Old 08-15-2014, 07:32 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
645 posts, read 775,995 times
Reputation: 1014

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I have a very demanding 3 year old and a 9 month old. It took months to get in the swing of handling both of them since I stay at home, but even now, our 3 year old is still extremely jealous of her sister. I spend most of the day if we are home acting like a referee (sp) since she yanks things from her hands, has poked her hard, tells her she doesn't like her, (along with me about 100 times a day) and other 3 year old crap lol. The next minute she is patting her back telling her "I love you big sister.Believe me, she gets plenty of attention and knows she's loved, but I also have a baby to take care of too. She's been home with me since she was born and isn't watched by anyone other then me or my husband. My mother would watch her here or there as a baby, but hasn't in a long time.

So, my husband and I had originally not planned on sending her to preschool at 3, considering I went to school to teach and I'm home with her. We were going to wait until she was 4 to go to a free universal pre-k that is offered in my state. She has a speech delay, talks up a storm, but is very unclear. Except I understand her perfectly bc I'm with always with her. She started getting speech through our state preschool system in April. We don't have to pay for this which is a lifesaver since our insurance doesn't cover speech services and we can't afford $100 a week out of pocket. Her therapist, who I love and DD has become very attached to (and she can get shy and take a while to warm up to some people), suggested that if we could, sending her to preschool may help her with her speech. That is being around kids on a routine basis. So, I talked to DH about it, we found the cheapest, closest pre-school we could, and enrolled her in a 2 day a week 2 1/2 hour program. We go to story times since she was a baby, the park, so I try to get her around other kids. But, she doesn't have friends her age, which I sort of feel bad about, since thanks to FB it's all about "playdates" these days, and we don't have friends with kids her age.

So things have changed, DH had to take a 2nd job to continue have me staying home bc his overtime got cut and he expressed some concern that the $140 a month might be stretching it. He wanted to just pull her out. I did the budgeting and we can afford it, but now I got a part time job that starts in September so he could quit his 2nd job. The hours I will be working cause a conflict with her speech therapy time though. I spoke to her therapist who said she would work with me to fit her in somehow, but as of now, she can only fit her in during the time she would be at pre-school. She said we could wait and see if she can change around the times with new kids that may come in. Though, I'm going to bet that's no guarantee Of course, her getting speech is really important to us, so just cutting it out isn't an option. And I really don't want to switch therapists considering DD loves her and her speech has improved.

So, we could attempt to switch her days with the preschool, if they let us. Meaning Monday-Thursday I would have a ton of running around to do, all before I have to leave for work in the afternoon. There's a drop off at 9.am, a pick up, to get home quick to feed 2 kids, hopefully get the baby down for a nap, wait for a sitter then run to work. Of course, I would have 2 hours with just me and the baby, which I don't get with older DD home.

I'm just feeling a tiny bit bad about sending her off to school now, since I won't be home with her the full day, she's going to be left with a complete stranger, she's starting pre-school (her first time away from us), she's starting a new dance class (on Saturdays), re-starting speech, all in the same month. I don't know if it will all be "too much" for her I guess. Dh thinks we should either pull her or let her go a month, which makes no sense, then pull her. And for us, sending her this year was only so hopefully she would improve on her speech and maybe make some friends. Not bc I think she won't get into Harvard bc she didn't go to play school lol. She'll be in Pre-K next year too.

So, would you just suck it up, switch the days and send her. Or do you think it might be too much right now, for her and I? While I would like her to make friends, and for me to make friends with the other parents, not sure if all the running around is worth it. And maybe with just speech therapy alone she'll be fine.

We already paid a registration fee, Septembers tuiton and June tuition, so I would hate to be out all this money, though we could call and try to get some back.

What would you do?

Last edited by Me 82; 08-15-2014 at 07:52 PM..
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Old 08-15-2014, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,221 posts, read 37,829,922 times
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I would cut out the dance class and keep her in preschool and speech therapy.

Also, some of her more violent behavior is NOT typical 3-year-old stuff. I would focus on stopping that ASAP.
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Old 08-15-2014, 07:47 PM
 
8,546 posts, read 5,277,499 times
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I don't think I would go forward with preschool if I was in your shoes. It sounds really hectic to try and make it happen. I would just stick with the speech therapy, go forward with the dance class and see how things go.
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Old 08-15-2014, 07:48 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
645 posts, read 775,995 times
Reputation: 1014
Grabbing a toy from someone's hand is something I've seen from pretty much all the toddlers and pre-schoolers I've been around. And by hitting her sister, I should have said poking her hard or grabbing her hand too hard to get back a toy, which I have scolded her saying "You don't hit her." (Probably wrong choice of words.) She's not slamming her head into a wall violently. But either way, not behavior I'm happy with.
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Old 08-15-2014, 07:48 PM
 
421 posts, read 449,450 times
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It might be a lot but if given time, she can adjust. At 3, all these things are totally fine. What I would most worry about is what you can handle. You are important here too!
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Old 08-15-2014, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,221 posts, read 37,829,922 times
Reputation: 74002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
Grabbing a toy from someone's hand is something I've seen from pretty much all the toddlers and pre-schoolers I've been around. And by hitting her sister, I should have said poking her hard or grabbing her hand too hard to get back a toy, which I have scolded her saying "You don't hit her." She's not slamming her head into a wall violently...
Well, these are your words:

"I have a very demanding 3 year old and a 9 month old. It took months to get in the swing of handling both of them since I stay at home, but even now, our 3 year old is still extremely jealous of her sister. I spend most of the day if we are home acting like a referee (sp) since she yanks things from her hands, has hit her, tells her she doesn't like her, (along with me about 100 times a day) and other 3 year old crap lol"


These things are NOT typical.

To me, she needs more time in a structured environment, and you need time with the baby.

Apply the $$ you spend on the dance class toward speech therapy and see if you can quit the part-time job.
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Old 08-15-2014, 07:58 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
645 posts, read 775,995 times
Reputation: 1014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Well, these are your words:

"I have a very demanding 3 year old and a 9 month old. It took months to get in the swing of handling both of them since I stay at home, but even now, our 3 year old is still extremely jealous of her sister. I spend most of the day if we are home acting like a referee (sp) since she yanks things from her hands, has hit her, tells her she doesn't like her, (along with me about 100 times a day) and other 3 year old crap lol"

These things are NOT typical.

To me, she needs more time in a structured environment, and you need time with the baby.

Apply the $$ you spend on the dance class toward speech therapy and see if you can quit the part-time job.
I haven't even started the part-time job yet. And we don't want to switch therapists. Taking the part-time job was just to help DH out. But maybe taking this particular one, which interferes with the original afternoon speech time, isn't worth it then. I guess DH and I should talk this over..
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Old 08-15-2014, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,221 posts, read 37,829,922 times
Reputation: 74002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
I haven't even started the part-time job yet. And we don't want to switch therapists. Taking the part-time job was just to help DH out. But maybe taking this particular one, which interferes with the original afternoon speech time, isn't worth it then. I guess DH and I should talk this over..
If you don't HAVE to take the part-time job, I would not.

Too many logistical changes are stressful on everyone. And problems with expressive communication could be behind her behavior problems. I definitely would want to continue with the therapist you have had success with.
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Old 08-15-2014, 08:21 PM
 
15,308 posts, read 16,874,788 times
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Preschool may be the best thing for her because it gives her an activity that is *hers* alone. You can talk up the fact that she is a big girl and her sister doesn't get to go to preschool.

I do think the jealousy is normal sibling rivalry, but you do need to work on stopping the hitting. With our kids, we don't say *no, don't hit* but rather *use gentle hands.* Then you show her how to use her hands gently. If her sister just became mobile, that is the time when the older child is more likely to be jealous because sister is getting into her toys now.

You may also want to read Hands are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi to her which gives kids other things they *can* do with their hands instead of hitting.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqiX...yer_detailpage

There is even a song
Hands are not for Hitting | More with Music
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Old 08-15-2014, 08:24 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
645 posts, read 775,995 times
Reputation: 1014
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
Preschool may be the best thing for her because it gives her an activity that is *hers* alone. You can talk up the fact that she is a big girl and her sister doesn't get to go to preschool.

I do think the jealousy is normal sibling rivalry, but you do need to work on stopping the hitting. With our kids, we don't say *no, don't hit* but rather *use gentle hands.* Then you show her how to use her hands gently. If her sister just became mobile, that is the time when the older child is more likely to be jealous because sister is getting into her toys now.

You may also want to read Hands are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi to her which gives kids other things they *can* do with their hands instead of hitting.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqiX...yer_detailpage

There is even a song
Hands are not for Hitting | More with Music
Oh great link and song! Yeah, the baby is all over the place now and all into her toys. I'm going to play that for her tomorrow
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