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Old 08-18-2014, 11:30 PM
 
1,906 posts, read 1,931,523 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Ummm... Tiger Moms don't?

News to me.
At the price of driving their kids to suicide attempts, perhaps.
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Old 08-19-2014, 12:00 AM
 
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,907,081 times
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I don't think there is pressure to be a Tiger Mom. I certainly wasn't and either were my friends and we raised our average kids in an affluent area of CA. Maybe it's cultural, maybe it's the group you hang with, maybe it's just YOU.

There is no label to define my parenting style except UNIQUE. I was never the type to follow a trend but people who do will feel pressure about everything and so will their kids. Sheep.
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Old 08-19-2014, 12:21 AM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,271 posts, read 4,983,848 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
I don't think there is pressure to be a Tiger Mom. I certainly wasn't and either were my friends and we raised our average kids in an affluent area of CA. Maybe it's cultural, maybe it's the group you hang with, maybe it's just YOU.

There is no label to define my parenting style except UNIQUE. I was never the type to follow a trend but people who do will feel pressure about everything and so will their kids. Sheep.
I don't actually hang out with people here, and it's not me. In certain areas out here, there IS a lot of pressure to being one. You can disagree all you want, but it's real here. Everyone from here knows that one city in particular is huge for it. My city isn't so much Tiger Mom but still very involved parenting with kids being extremely scheduled.

I've seen many kids being raised like this flounder, but I've seen some flourish. It's the same with all other types of parenting. No type of parenting is 100% right or 100% wrong.
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Old 08-19-2014, 02:33 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,223,751 times
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I think I could only be described as a Laid Back Mum. I suppose that's Beta. No idea how laid back I'll be as my child gets older but I'm 99% confident I could never be a Tiger Mum - I just don't have that personality type and my key value is balance n life rather than hard work I suppose but I would want my child to take music lessons of some sort if I can afford it.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:10 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles, CA
555 posts, read 571,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredtired View Post
There is a lot of societal pressure to be a tiger mom. The one who insists on piano lessons promptly at age 5, the one who drives her kids to enroll in activities, do community service, the one who ensures that her kids might have a shot at an Ivy League education. I think part of all of us would like kids who have a list of activities, interests, hobbies, skills worth bragging about to coworkers.

But let's switch gears and discuss the Beta parents. The one who insists on instilling good values in her children. Their children are respectful, kind, and good spirited. But they are not involved in every sport, every book club. They don't take music lessons or engage in extra curricular education in elementary school. While college bound, they certainly are unlikely to attend an Ivy league school. Rather, they are likely to attend a in-state university.

Do you think there are benefits to children who are raised by beta parents?

I think so. I think that one of the big benefits is they are being raised a sustainable lifestyle that they can replicate without much difficulty - while the tiger mom provides them a lifestyle that might be hard to replicate.

Or, perhaps there aren't much benefits and the beta parents kids are doomed in life?
A minor point, but I don't think parents who teach their kids music or involve them in some extra curricular activities necessarily qualify as tiger parents. It's about your attitude. Learning music can be a wonderful thing, just like playing Legos or making paper airplanes. It's a creative process.

But if you force your kid to play X instrument a gazillion hours a day and the kid clearly does not want to do it, well, then you're veering into tiger territory. It's good to teach a kid the value of discipline, determination, and hard work. But that kid should be working toward a goal the kid (not just you) values. I don't know if this causes me to fall into the "tiger" territory; I've always considered myself anything but.

I also don't think believe in this dichotomy: beta/laid back parents who don't teach their kids music but instill good values vs alpha/high pressure parents who teach their kids music but don't teach good values. Life is not so simple, and as parents we are all a blend of beta/alpha, depending on the kid's needs and our own attitudes.

Beta makes it sound like the parents aren't really driven. If so, maybe I'm not as "beta" as I think I am. To be sure, I am driven as a parent, but driven to do what? Certainly not to force my child into whatever preset mold I've created for the kid. I am absolutely driven, but I'm driven to instill good values while also instilling a sense of doing one's best and hopefully learning the skills and mindset needed to effect good change in the world. For me, doing your best doesn't mean being #1 in the class, doing a gazillion sports, and being a violin virtuoso. It means exploring subject matters, life, etc. wholeheartedly, finding out your niche, and figuring out what you're supposed to do. It's doing *your* absolute best, which IMO, can be harder than being #1 in your class, since you alone know whether or not you truly fell short of your potential.

Being #1 is just a numbers game dependent on external forces that judge your worth. So much of this tiger stuff seems to be focused on learning "the system," playing by the rules, and winning that game. That doesn't interest me, and I hope my child learns to value internal drive and self-driven/self-determined achievement more.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:48 AM
 
786 posts, read 572,088 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Asian so called "tiger" moms/families have a core belief that success is due to hardwork, this is in direct opposition to a more western belief that success is primarily due to innate talent. The notion that there is a widespread race to be number one is as much an asian stereotype as the kung fu queen or dragon lady. When you value hard work and self improvement, it feeds internal motivation and de-emphasizes competition. I went to school in Asia for years at both the secondary and post secondary level, competition is much less a part of education there as opposed to here.
Bingo.

Though the biggest difference in school in Asia as opposed to in the United States, is that the smartest kids are also the most popular. Here, in many places, being a straight-A student who values education over sports makes you a pariah among your peers.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:53 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,802,296 times
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I think I prefer to be just a parent to my children without the psychological labels and benefits or lack of depending on which label not chosen.

Children and adults should have balance in their lives when it comes to their daily living.
Too much of something is never good but not enough of something is never good either.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:59 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles, CA
555 posts, read 571,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wac_432 View Post
Bingo.

Though the biggest difference in school in Asia as opposed to in the United States, is that the smartest kids are also the most popular. Here, in many places, being a straight-A student who values education over sports makes you a pariah among your peers.
Thankfully, this has changed in some places, particularly schools where there are lots of Asian Americans. In the area where I'm from, Asian American students who do well in class and in the gym can be quite popular. It isn't so much an either/or situation. I do understand this is not the norm across the U.S.
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Old 08-19-2014, 05:39 AM
 
11,356 posts, read 6,424,031 times
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I'd say let the kid have some input. If they enjoy doing a lot, become more tiger - if they are more relaxed and want to do one or two things, become more beta. Some adults like to be involved in every activity going (socially, politically, parenting wise, marathons, etc.) and others are more chillaxed. I see no reason to believe children aren't the same way. No point in forcing little Jimmy to play piano if he doesn't like it. At the same time, that doesn't mean to let him play video games all day everyday.
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Old 08-19-2014, 06:13 AM
 
327 posts, read 373,716 times
Reputation: 269
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredtired View Post
There is a lot of societal pressure to be a tiger mom. The one who insists on piano lessons promptly at age 5, the one who drives her kids to enroll in activities, do community service, the one who ensures that her kids might have a shot at an Ivy League education. I think part of all of us would like kids who have a list of activities, interests, hobbies, skills worth bragging about to coworkers.

But let's switch gears and discuss the Beta parents. The one who insists on instilling good values in her children. Their children are respectful, kind, and good spirited. But they are not involved in every sport, every book club. They don't take music lessons or engage in extra curricular education in elementary school. While college bound, they certainly are unlikely to attend an Ivy league school. Rather, they are likely to attend a in-state university.

Do you think there are benefits to children who are raised by beta parents?

I think so. I think that one of the big benefits is they are being raised a sustainable lifestyle that they can replicate without much difficulty - while the tiger mom provides them a lifestyle that might be hard to replicate.

Or, perhaps there aren't much benefits and the beta parents kids are doomed in life?
In today's western society, everything evolves around the selfish drive for success/money. Children in poorer countries (ie south america, eastern europe, asia) are raised by beta moms. They grow up to be so well mannered, respect their parents and their values. they make better wives/husbands. they make better families all round. Ofcourse, today.. in western countries those people are shamed and labelled as "weak" when in truth they live happier lives.

To answer your question, there is no benefit in raising children as a beta mum.. in a western country that is ie US, Canada, UK, Australia etc etc. because peer pressure from society will take them apart.
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