Am I right to pick this battle? (baby, parents, boys)

[Mrs.Bewitched]

My youngest son is 7. He does not want me to cut his hair as he wants to grow it out. His older brother-12-has that long surfer/skater hair...above the shoulder...kinda like the main guy in High School Musical if you know what I mean. So the younger one-Z, wants to be like that.

The problem is that my oldest's hair is straight, and Z's is not. It is curly. Not tight curls...but wavy curls. So it's bushier and will nto grow into that style.

My co-workers (I teach at his school) have told me to cut his hair, and even the assistant principal, who is on very good terms with him, have told him to have me go get his hair cut. My in-laws want his hair cut, and when his aunt was down, she told me that as his mother, it shouldn't matter what he wants, and I should take charge and get his hair cut (not exact words, but you get the picture).

I don't want to pick this battle. I am picking to work on his behavior at school, and on completing his work in school...and stop having a sarcastic mouth (got that from his momma unfortunately)....that if I let him have his hair however he wants it...I don't see how it is hurting anything.

Would you pick this battle?

Here are two pictures from a month ago, so of course it's a little longer now. If it's not obvious, he is the one in the dark blue shirt:

[Lillietta]

I don't think it's a big deal to let him grow it. Don't know why the school is making such a fuss. I think the others are going on how they themselves feel about it. I'd let him have his hair the way he wants it.

[GreenMachine]

Your boys are adorable! The hair is not that long.

For some reason, boys do not like to cut their hair!

I say, as long as he keeps it clean and combs it, let him grow it long!

I lived with a boyfriend who had a son who did not cut his hair. I did not have a problem with that, but he did not trim his hair either. He also did not wash it so that it became greasy and disgusting and it started to smell. This I had a problem with...

[cynwldkat]

Nope! It's his hair and it surely isn't a problem as far as I can see. He's trying to gain his own identity. Good grief---isn't there more problems to worry about then this young mans hair?? Let it be and stand behind him. He will soon find out what looks the best to him and that is what matters!!! Just my personal opinion and I have a 28 year old son who is doing quite well. Your son is a cutie so I certainly don't see any problem!!!

[Drouzin]

For what it's worth, when my son wanted to dye his hair blue. I think in part it was for the shock factor. My reaction? "Cool! Let's do it!" The hair actually ended up being green because the bleach didn't lift enough, but he was okay with the green. It was only green for a month. He felt uncomfortable with the stares and the non-goth friends made fun of him. He's not been in the mood for blue hair since.

Your 7 year old's hair is not a big issue, when his friends decide it looks bad they'll put pressure on him to change it. Tell him he can have his long hair as long as he, (fill in a behavior you desire). If he messes up, (set a specific limit like 3 strikes you're out), then the hair goes. In other words, desired behavior = hair he want's, undesired behavior = hair everyone else wants.

PS. If he gets the hair cut due to undesired behavior, tell him he may grow it out and try to work on the behavior again. Two birds with one stone. Tell those who are complaining about his hair that you are using it as an incentive. Therefore they should not have to bother you with your child's hair. And you may see some better behavior from the child.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by Drouzin

Tell him he can have his long hair as long as he, (fill in a behavior you desire). If he messes up, (set a specific limit like 3 strikes you're out), then the hair goes. In other words, desired behavior = hair he want's, undesired behavior = hair everyone else wants.

PS. If he gets the hair cut due to undesired behavior, tell him he may grow it out and try to work on the behavior again. Two birds with one stone. Tell those who are complaining about his hair that you are using it as an incentive. Therefore they should not have to bother you with your child's hair. And you may see some better behavior from the child.

Great advice.

When my son was little, he had a tail.. He loved it, when he was tired, he used to twirl it. His father hated it and one weekend that he had him for visitation, he cut it off. My son had to be 3 or 4 and to this day at 22 still remembers how his father did that.

If the hair is that big of a deal that it has to be cut, tell him when he gets to the age his brother was when he grew it out, that he can also do the same if he feels like it.

I actually don't feel his hair is long, but do see how it may get to be a problem because of his curls. Chances are he won't like it once it starts growing out.

[FarNorthDallas]

Cute boys. My son's hair is curly like that. I would just cut the front a bit as it looks like it might be hanging in his face.

The other thing, I could be wrong, if he's struggling a bit in school with his behavior and his mouth, having to comply with his hair might help him understand that there are things we have to do when we don't want to, times we must comply, and another example where you are the parent and he is the child. I'm not saying give him a buzz cut (I wouldn't do that to my own child) but maybe you need to win a few of the lesser battles in order to win some of the bigger ones.

[HIF]

First of all- what cute boys you have. I agree that you should pick your battles.

Also, I think that long, wavy hair on a guy or gal is gorgeous. My GD has hair like that and it can get very big, but I took her to a stylist that knows how to cut wavy hair and it is just beautiful. How many gazillions of dollars are spent by folks with straight hair who want wavy, full curls?

I hear a song coming on...

Gimme a head with hair
Long, beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer hair
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair
Grow it, show it
Long as I can grow it
My hair

[Pikantari]

I think his hair looks nice... I, however, do not think the school, principal, etc., have a right to tell any parent how their childs hair should be.

yes, work on the other things, and let the child have his hair how he wants it, as long as it is ok with you.

I say this, after cutting my sons hair off, because my wasband was driving me nuts every week, have you got his hair cut, when are you going to cut his hair..blah blah blah

And my poor son didn't want his hair cut!

[anifani821]

And we recently had a discussion . . . and he told me how glad he was that I had let him express his individuality w/ his hair . . . and how much he appreciated that. So many of his friends - this was an issue b/n them and their parents - and my son said- he really believes they acted out in other ways b/c parents were so restrictive on things that really should not have been made into an issue. Some parents feel they must "show who is in charge" b/c of the pressure they get from other parents who feel all adults must take a hard line w/ kids on every small issue.

He has no tattoos or piercings, but I did tell him when he turned 16 that if he wanted to get an ear pierced, ok by me. He said NO WAY. Now he tells me - the fact that I brought all this up and was so nonchalant about it - made it less enticing, whereas his friends felt they had to do some of these things to "prove" their independence and make a statement about their individuality.

I think you are very very wise to choose your battles. Hair is such a non-issue - not like a tattoo or even a piercing. Hair grows out, tattoos and piercings are not so easy to deal with later! Concentrate on study habits and social skills. You are totally on target. Follow your mother's intuition no matter what anyone else says.

If it gets mentioned again at school - just tell them - you are concentrating on the big issues and that is not a battle you feel is worth fighting. I have found that parents who insist on showing "who is in charge" over silly non-issues like hair - are the ones who often end up w/ big behavioral problems w/ kids when they get older and feel they have to rebel. And that is NOT a good thing.