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Old 08-29-2014, 07:18 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,699,473 times
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Originally Posted by ackmondual View Post
They are cute, but when they reach that age...disgusting, they smell, they are sticky, they say things that are horrible. Everything is covered in semen. I broke a blanket in half. Do you know where I'm going with that?"

Bahaha! Love that movie!
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Old 08-29-2014, 07:49 AM
 
15,203 posts, read 16,066,291 times
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By all means, have another baby if you want to. But, as others have said, there's no guarantee you'll get a girl. I know a couple who had 3 boys and decided to try "one more time." They ended up having twin boys. Just sayin'.
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Old 08-29-2014, 09:26 AM
 
Location: North Dallas
368 posts, read 769,109 times
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Thank you all for your thoughtful posts. And to the one poster, DH and I did seriously discuss adoption over a period of a few days. I explored the different options locally come to find out that private adoption is VERY different from what it was in the 70's. There are agencies that listed older children available for adoption who've had very hard starts in life and then if you were interested in adopting an infant or under 1 year old, it costs a great deal of money, like $20k. I told DH just 20 minutes of research into the process gave me anxiety and we talked at length about our comfort level with the entire process and the possible rejection and fostering, etc. etc., God bless those who go through it. I've had close relatives who have successfully done it but it took YEARS and a lot of money, lawyers' fees, disappointment and heartache, plus they had no children when they started the process. I almost felt silly embarking upon this road just because I want a little girl, but then again, my own mother adopted me because she couldn't have biological children and she wanted a close relationship with a daughter too. She's passed on now, but we were so close. I know she had insecurities sometimes about biology so she somewhat made up for it (too much) with trying to make her thoughts my thoughts (telling me how I should think for most my life). She never got to see my children but she always in a strange way wanted for me what she couldn't have, a biological connection, because she thought it might be important to me. Her experience in the 70's was VASTLY different from what it is now, no money changed hands, just a social worker, a private agency, a 6-month waiting period, an attorney, a home visit or two and that was it. It's just too daunting now.

As for the other posters, yes, I'm deluding myself to think that even a girl would dramatically change the dynamic in the house and I'm setting myself up for disappointment lol. The girl could be just as rough and tumble as the boys and AS LOUD. And yes, when I was pregnant both times, I felt fantastic, no morning sickness, just felt healthy and blooming and ALIVE. I also had wonderful births. The last month was always tough and the constant bathroom breaks too, but I looked and felt great. I do miss that feeling. Having natural births especially was a big moment for me since I hate pain so I was very proud of myself. Long before I had children, I never believed in breastfeeding (courtesy of my mother who called it "tacky" - her generation) and just knew I was going to have an epidural and elective C-section. Wow, what a turnaround. I hypnobirthed both kids with a midwife and doula in a hospital! Again, a security issue - I feel that it's one of the few things I'm really in my element and good at, where I didn't wuss out. Odd thing to say, being "good at" being pregnant and giving birth, but it's when I've felt my most alive. But again, it's not just about giving birth, it's about raising that child to adulthood..!!!!

I'm sure I'll get over it. Someone here said I need some girlfriend time. I have no friends here where I've moved so maybe I'm just feeling lonely. No pets for awhile either according to DH... believe me, if he were ambivalent, I would have a little French bulldog already!!!
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Old 08-29-2014, 09:29 AM
 
Location: CO
2,456 posts, read 2,443,053 times
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Baby fever is common in your 40s. I think it's our bodies reminding us it's now or never. What it forgets to remind us is that we don't have the energy we had in our 20s.
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Old 08-29-2014, 09:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Razz2525 View Post
...why am I actually considering "going for the girl" since I have 2 boys?

I do admit I had a bit of an angry episode last night when my boys barely paid attention to what I was saying and I didn't feel DH was appropriately supporting me. I do get the "mommy takes things too personally" when I feel all this testosterone in the house gets overwhelming...

I think I'm actually deluding myself into thinking that by having a girl, I will have someone "in my corner" or someone who will be quiet and listen...?
Daughters are often more at odds with their mothers than sons are.
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Old 08-29-2014, 10:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Razz2525 View Post
Again, a security issue - I feel that it's one of the few things I'm really in my element and good at, where I didn't wuss out. Odd thing to say, being "good at" being pregnant and giving birth, but it's when I've felt my most alive. But again, it's not just about giving birth, it's about raising that child to adulthood..!!!!
My neighbor admitted that she was addicted to pregnancy and giving birth. She had 5 children in 5 years. She wasn't as inspired to actually raise them. Her husband finally put a stop to it via a vasectomy. She became depressed. It was a very rough time for them, but she's doing much better now. She went back to school and now has a career.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Razz2525 View Post
I'm sure I'll get over it. Someone here said I need some girlfriend time. I have no friends here where I've moved so maybe I'm just feeling lonely. No pets for awhile either according to DH... believe me, if he were ambivalent, I would have a little French bulldog already!!!
It does sound like you're feeling lonely. It also sounds like you could benefit from finding something you enjoy that makes you feel competent. Why won't your husband let you get a dog? That alone might fill both needs via the companionship and training. My girlfriend's children were teens, and she moved where she didn't know anyone, she got a puppy and it unexpectedly created a whole new life for her. She went to training classes and suddenly had a whole circle of friends. Now she does the adoption screenings for a breed rescue. She's very fulfilled by this new phase of her life.
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Old 08-29-2014, 10:19 AM
 
5,106 posts, read 6,073,593 times
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OP

Hormones fluctuate

Personalities differ

Having all the noise and chaos around can be overwhelming.

Lots of things could make you feel this way, it may be temporary or you may always have baby fever. But it sounds like you have a lot on your hands as it is. Good luck in whatever you do.

BTW The wishing for a girl to have a quiet respite and a like soul is a key to what you might really be asking. And don't count on your daughter to be anything like you (although she may be). My daughter is too much like her father and sometimes I have to just love her through to figure her out.
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Old 08-29-2014, 11:07 AM
 
Location: North Dallas
368 posts, read 769,109 times
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Hi Hopes,

We are dog-less for now because my younger son is highly allergic and has respiratory issues. He loves dogs too but unfortunately, after a bit, his breathing becomes clearly labored and soon we are nebulizing him on a daily basis. His allergies have improved somewhat having moved to TX from FLA but DH doesn't also want to deal with hair everywhere, accidents in our new home, dog jumping on new furniture, etc. He's very adamant about it. So I have to bide my time for awhile until the little man is older and his lungs are a bit more hardy... although I'm currently researching hypoallergenic small dogs right now.

I love dogs and cats and miss having pets, but since DH and I both work full-time and the kids are in school, no one is ever home anymore and it wouldn't be fair to a pet at this stage of our lives. I may consider volunteering at an animal shelter though. You've given me food for thought.
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Old 08-29-2014, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Georgia
4,514 posts, read 3,782,381 times
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Had a friend who had three boys pretty quickly -- three babies under 5. She decided she was going to go for a girl ONE LAST TIME. 14 months later, she had triplets -- three more boys . . .

Six boys under the age of 7.

You might be romanticizing the "daughter in your corner" routine. I was lucky in that my daughter and I have always been close, even through the turbulent teen years. But a LOT of my friends went through a period from 13 - 19 where they basically wanted to put their daughter in a nunnery on an Arctic Island for six years. Lots of clashes/fighting/drama, etc. :-)
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Old 08-29-2014, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
13,049 posts, read 7,212,964 times
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My friend had her daughter after having two boys while she was in her 40's. Her daughter was "high octane" and frequently up and wide awake past midnight. It was hell for her the first ten years of her life. She was exhausted all of the time. There's also the health risk to both the mother and baby after 40. If you decide to get pregnant it should be discussed at length with your physician. I've never had children but I've had both boys and girls in my life. I can't say one sex is better then the other ,but rather it's an individual preference. I had to give one of the girls back because she was too high maintenance. One of the boys was quite violent for awhile and a concern. Having children is like a box of chocolate. "You never know what you're going to get." I'm sure you will make the right decision, just think long and hard with your mind and not your hormones.
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