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Old 09-02-2014, 09:49 AM
 
14 posts, read 11,172 times
Reputation: 40

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
NK has two grown children as well. I don't think this is news to her.



Yes. That "method" and the many like it reminds me of the adage "Simple, elegant, and absolutely wrong".

"For every problem, there exists a simple and elegant solution which is absolutely wrong." -- J. Wagoner, U.C.B. Mathematics



Oh, come on! "Poor attitude"!? What's wrong with removing oneself from a difficult situation? "Projecting"? That's "pop psychology".
If it's not news to her why is she blowing up over this and ranting/raving....If she's breaking down totally over this sort of thing, wait until both girls start their periods and get intrested in boys etc....Again if she thinks this is hard to deal with...she is in for a world of pain. Can't wait for another one of those "how do I kick my adult children out" or "18 and living at home" threads.
don't post on a public forum if you don't want opinions. Kthxbai

 
Old 09-02-2014, 11:19 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
The OP specifically said she was not asking for advice, and has left the thread d/t "advice" such as yours.
I think that is NK's loss. She has now twice come on here and asked for advice about her youngest daughters and when most people have responded that her tactics are fairly harsh and/or controlling, she leaves the thread. It's true that NK is an experienced parent, but not all children are the same. If you seek feedback on C-D, it seems silly to get in a huff if the feedback suggests that what you did may not have been the best parenting ever. If you're not willing to consider a contrary opinion, why post at all?

When I've asked for advice I've tried to take what made sense and politely discard the rest. I've seen people suggest things I thought were outrageous, but I haven't taken it as an insult and vowed not to come back.
 
Old 09-02-2014, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,960 posts, read 98,776,620 times
Reputation: 31371
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
You know Nokudzu is a big girl....she doesn't need you to defend her from those that think she handled this badly. You don't post things online and not expect to get replies.
I'm not defending her, I'm pointing out to JanND, who gave advice last night, to wit: "I post this only out of real interest in helping....not trying to upset you. But...Sorry......I think your attitude was poor..." that the OP has left the thread. And seriously, is that how any of us talk to a friend who asks for advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MilkmanMilk View Post
If it's not news to her why is she blowing up over this and ranting/raving....If she's breaking down totally over this sort of thing, wait until both girls start their periods and get intrested in boys etc....Again if she thinks this is hard to deal with...she is in for a world of pain. Can't wait for another one of those "how do I kick my adult children out" or "18 and living at home" threads.
don't post on a public forum if you don't want opinions. Kthxbai
I believe it is against the TOS to talk about other posters like this. And I'm saying that b/c one day it could be me, not b/c I'm "defending" someone else.
 
Old 09-02-2014, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,735,794 times
Reputation: 2097
My mother didn't have much of a discipline strategy but preferred to use fists or anything hard around when we upset her but I do remember a few times when she actually got through to me with some basic parenting techniques and one was sending me to bed early without dinner. I was much younger though, probably about 6 or 7, but I can clearly remember laying in my bed at 6pm when it was still light outside and I could hear the other neighborhood kids outside playing. I felt so bad and was so mad at myself for not obeying so I could have been outside playing too. The next time I was threatened with it I remembered that and obeyed.
Another time I also remember well was when my cousin and I refused to come in and put on sweaters and my mom told us that if we didn't we would get no ice cream that evening if we didn't come to get our sweaters. I thought she was bluffing so we hid in the bushes and didn't come in. To both our surprise she wasn't bluffing and that night when everyone was sitting in the living room eating ice cream my cousin and I had to sit under the kitchen table and wait until they were done. We were so ashamed and upset with ourselves for missing out on ice cream over something so stupid as putting on a sweater.

I think what did it in either situation had little to do with not being able to eat something but had to do with not being able to join in the fun and having to lay in bed or sit under a table and listen to everyone else enjoying themselves.
Every kid is different and it's different with a 12-year old but I do believe that making the kid miss out on something they really want does sting enough that they will hopefully do differently next time.
With my step daughter, when she was 13-14, we'd take away her beloved cell phone and computer time when she broke rules. There was a lot of whining and stomping feet but it did get to her, at least until next time :-)
 
Old 09-02-2014, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,228 posts, read 23,743,496 times
Reputation: 19847
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
We have 12 year old attitude here x 2. One daughter has been especially sarcastic and nasty with what she says and her tone of voice. We have sat her down for one on one discussions, explained hormones, tone of voice and respect. It continues. Tonight as I was fixing supper she mouthed off when I asked her for some help. I had several options:


1) slap her fresh face- I would never do that
2) yell at her- does little good. my yelling days are long past
3) let it slide and decide to talk to her later- done that too many times already
4) Take her nexxus away from her- we've tried that-no results so..
5) In a very calm voice I said "Go to your room this minute. You will not get any supper and I don't want to see you until the morning". She muttered something under her voice, rolled her eyes and went upstairs.
6)DH said I did the right thing and is upstairs talking to her now. Some wailing and gnashing of teeth about "not fair"

Missing a meal will not put her health in jeopardy. All she has up there are books and leggos. I don't care what she does but I'm hoping she will think about her sassy mouth.

For this situation and this child it is the right thing to do so I'm not asking if you think it is right or wrong. I'm just wondering if you have ever done it and if it made any difference.


maybe if she got a slap in the face she would think twice about mouthing off.


i would, if my child mouthed off to me, you better believe he is getting a smack across the face.
trust me, do it once, they will remember and never do it agaain. Im the father, dont talk back to me.

at 5 years old, I told my mother to shut up.
she grabbed me and put ivory soap in my mouth. I have never again in my life ever told my mother to shut up again. lesson learned. if I tell mommy oto shut up she will put soap in my mouth and that did not taste good.i also do not allow ivory soap bars in my home either.

lesson learned, OMG, mom smacked my face, and it hurts, better not moth off to her again......

it really is a no briainer
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