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I sent my kid to his room with the message that meal time was designed to be a pleasant experience and that his attitude was giving me indigestion; therefore, he was excused until he could be civil. Furthermore, if he chose to nurse that attitude all night, it was no skin off my nose, but I wasn't about to allow him to ruin dinner for the rest of the family. He came down about twenty minutes later with a sincere apology. It never happened again. So, yeah, I think it was a very effective lesson.
I like this too. It makes a lot of sense. I was responding as the mother of boys, who weren't prone to mouthing off, and valued their meals far too much to risk ticking off the cook.
Well softie Daddy came back down and told me about their conversation. She had all sorts of excuses, none of which made any sense since this has been ongoing for about a year. "new school year, new locker, l new teacher, doesn't like her shoes, bla bla bla." He asked if I was making enough for everybody which of course I still was. Then he said she knows she needs to apologize and she understand why I was so angry. Then he said "can she come down?" I asked if she even wants to and apparently she did cause she did come down, muttered some sort of half assed apology "sorry". I told her I wasn't going to let her be disrespectful to me anymore and I had every intention of not seeing her again till morning. Then I removed myself and had my supper in front of the evening news.
The thing is...I remember being forced to sit and eat with the family when I was so upset. My father was a tyrant. I would have given anything if I was allowed to leave the table or even forfeit supper but I had to sit there and eat every bite while crying and choking. It was miserable. No wonder I have abdominal problems my whole life.
Well softie Daddy came back down and told me about their conversation. She had all sorts of excuses, none of which made any sense since this has been ongoing for about a year. "new school year, new locker, l new teacher, doesn't like her shoes, bla bla bla." He asked if I was making enough for everybody which of course I still was. Then he said she knows she needs to apologize and she understand why I was so angry. Then he said "can she come down?" I asked if she even wants to and apparently she did cause she did come down, muttered some sort of half assed apology "sorry". I told her I wasn't going to let her be disrespectful to me anymore and I had every intention of not seeing her again till morning. Then I removed myself and had my supper in front of the evening news.
Wow. By leaving the table, you put yourself in the position of appearing as if your husband overruled you. If you had accepted the apology and eaten with her, she wouldn't feel like she can manipulate your husband into running you off. You could have said that going forward you will not tolerate this behavior and she can expect to be sent to her room until she apologizes every time in the future. Allowing her to run you off to sit in front of the TV gives her power. You will need to be prepared to not run off to the TV if she behaves badly again, which it sounds likely she will continue based on the way she has been behaving for quite some time.
The thing is...I remember being forced to sit and eat with the family when I was so upset. My father was a tyrant. I would have given anything if I was allowed to leave the table or even forfeit supper but I had to sit there and eat every bite while crying and choking. It was miserable. No wonder I have abdominal problems my whole life.
I am perfectly okay with my son not wanting to eat, but if he doesn't want to, he is still expected to sit with us at the table as it's a time where we can reconnect as a family and decompress after the stresses of the day. That being said, if he's angry or upset about something, then he is free to go to his room and come back to join us when he's feeling better.
I had this done to me as a child, personally I think it's too cruel. I have taken away pretty much everything else from my own kids when they're rotten, other than food.
I was a picky eater as a kid so often barely ate dinner anyway. I spent most of my childhood hungry and very underweight. This can spill over into an eating disorder as an adult, just FYI. Thankfully I don't have any serious problems but I've always been underweight or close to it because I got so used to being hungry, as a kid.
I remember being sent from the table with no dinner and not being that upset about it. I have one vague memory of my Grandmother bringing me food in the room. Ha!
What I remember more is that my Mother once made me sit at a table until I ate a disgusting sandwich that she made. She was out of peanut butter so she made a 'butter and jelly' sandwich. I didn't eat it and sat at that table most of the day. I would never do THAT to my kid.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
This. Though the attitude was, "That's gross. I'm not going to eat that. You aren't a very good cook." That got, "You're excused" and nothing to eat until a sincere apology was made.
5-ish. They learned to keep their opinions about the cook's skills to themselves. Quickly.
I don't see anything wrong with it - especially if they were criticizing the cook! Come on.
I usually wait until there's a silent time during the meal and then take that time to remind everyone that 'this might be a good time to compliment the cook.'
Anyhoo, she apologized and she got fed and she has no business stating that you aren't a very good cook!
I remember being sent from the table with no dinner and not being that upset about it. I have one vague memory of my Grandmother bringing me food in the room. Ha!
What I remember more is that my Mother once made me sit at a table until I ate a disgusting sandwich that she made. She was out of peanut butter so she made a 'butter and jelly' sandwich. I didn't eat it and sat at that table most of the day. I would never do THAT to my kid.
I don't see anything wrong with it - especially if they were criticizing the cook! Come on.
I usually wait until there's a silent time during the meal and then take that time to remind everyone that 'this might be a good time to compliment the cook.'
Anyhoo, she apologized and she got fed and she has no business stating that you aren't a very good cook!
So, she made you a very normal jam (jelly) sandwich? I know, kids are fussy but seriously, it's not like she made you a mayonnaise and jelly sandwich. My kid always asks me for jam sandwiches.
My husband and I managed to have peaceful family dinners. I attribute that to our consciously not using dinner as an opportunity to interrogate, lecture, discuss problems, etc.. We kept dinner conversation lighthearted and saved the serious stuff for another time.
My childhood dinners were pretty wild. My eldest sister was very emotional and dramatic. Life was not peaceful during her adolescence. The upside is we were all welcome to be excused whenever we wanted to escape. Sometimes we stayed for the show but usually not.
I've never done it. I was always more of a screamer.
But I can sure sympathize with you, NK. Girls in that tween/teen age group can be very difficult. I spent a few years bending over backwards trying to apologize for ruining my daughter's life (cross country move when she was 14), and it's no fun dealing with that.
I realize now that most of it was just a passing thing, and we are now best of friends--most of the time. She still has her moments of turning into that tween/teen creature, and she can hurt me more than most people can. (She can also make me laugh easier than most people can.)
I don't see anything wrong with it - especially if they were criticizing the cook! Come on.
I was the cook.
Saying, "This is gross" made Mama unhappy. Especially coming out of the mouth of a five year old who was picking up some really bad ideas from his little friends. Like being rude and mouthy at the table. If Mama's unhappy... you know the rest.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 08-28-2014 at 07:08 PM..
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I didn't eat it and sat at that table most of the day. I would never do THAT to my kid. 
So, she made you a very normal jam (jelly) sandwich? I know, kids are fussy but seriously, it's not like she made you a mayonnaise and jelly sandwich. My kid always asks me for jam sandwiches.