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Old 08-28-2014, 07:02 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,816,219 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Well softie Daddy came back down and told me about their conversation. She had all sorts of excuses, none of which made any sense since this has been ongoing for about a year. "new school year, new locker, l new teacher, doesn't like her shoes, bla bla bla." He asked if I was making enough for everybody which of course I still was. Then he said she knows she needs to apologize and she understand why I was so angry. Then he said "can she come down?" I asked if she even wants to and apparently she did cause she did come down, muttered some sort of half assed apology "sorry". I told her I wasn't going to let her be disrespectful to me anymore and I had every intention of not seeing her again till morning. Then I removed myself and had my supper in front of the evening news.

The thing is...I remember being forced to sit and eat with the family when I was so upset. My father was a tyrant. I would have given anything if I was allowed to leave the table or even forfeit supper but I had to sit there and eat every bite while crying and choking. It was miserable. No wonder I have abdominal problems my whole life.
Wow..who is acting like a petulant child here. Hint....It's not your daughter. Did you act this way with your older children....because I don't believe they were perfect either. I think some family therapy is in order because you are setting up some rough years for your daughters if you think this is a normal way to handle teenage attitude and just repeating your father's ways in a passive aggressive manner. Just because you arent screaming doesn't mean you aren't giving your girls the same issues you have.

Last edited by ScarletG; 08-28-2014 at 07:43 PM..

 
Old 08-28-2014, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,034 posts, read 37,675,762 times
Reputation: 73643
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
Wow..who is acting like a petulant child here. Hint....It's not your daughter. Did you act this way with your older children....because I don't believe they were perfect either. I think some family therapy is in order because you are setting up some rough years for your daughters if you think this is a normal way to handle teenage attitude and just repeating your father's ways in a passive aggressive manner. Just because you are screaming doesn't mean you aren't giving your girls the same issues you have.
Yeah, I agree. ^^^

Consistency is key, Kudzu.

You should have made her stay in her room even after the apology.

Then you eat with the family, not pouting in front of the TV.

It's hard, but you and your husband HAVE to get on the same page.
 
Old 08-28-2014, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,620,437 times
Reputation: 46995
Believe me I was not pouting in front of the TV. I was happy to be away from the drama. At the time it seemed like the better idea for me to have some peace away from DH and daughter with attitude. I was not entirely happy with his undermining my original punishment but I was not feeling well and just wanted to serve supper and be done with it. Also I was not going to bring up his actions in front of the children. We discuss things like that privately.

I guess I could have served DH and daughter in one room and me and other kid in the other room. Now that would have been really weird.

We all got over it by early evening and watched some TV together we had TIVOd earlier in the week. By bedtime she was in my lap all sweet like she usually is. Funny thing is our first daughter never went through this stage. Our swords crossed for the first time when she was 19 and brought home first boyfriend who was a real loser. And second 12 year old daughter doesn't roll her eyes or be mouthy yet. I just might get lucky have only 1 out of 3 daughters with pre teen angst. But I realize there is still plenty of time for both of them to be "ill" at the same time. How lucky would that be?
 
Old 08-28-2014, 08:23 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,520,978 times
Reputation: 19578
No, I never did that to either of my kids.
 
Old 08-28-2014, 08:37 PM
 
1,339 posts, read 2,847,197 times
Reputation: 2214
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
Yes, I have. Nobody starved.
And what point did you make?
 
Old 08-28-2014, 09:40 PM
 
Location: The analog world
15,566 posts, read 8,742,257 times
Reputation: 20882
Quote:
Originally Posted by kutra11 View Post
And what point did you make?
This one...

Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
I sent my kid to his room with the message that meal time was designed to be a pleasant experience and that his attitude was giving me indigestion; therefore, he was excused until he could be civil. Furthermore, if he chose to nurse that attitude all night, it was no skin off my nose, but I wasn't about to allow him to ruin dinner for the rest of the family. He came down about twenty minutes later with a sincere apology. It never happened again. So, yeah, I think it was a very effective lesson.
 
Old 08-28-2014, 10:17 PM
 
Location: Fairbanks, AK
1,745 posts, read 2,273,264 times
Reputation: 1855
Nope, your job as a parent is to supply nutritious food at regular intervals. Take away phone, internet, tv privileges, etc.
 
Old 08-28-2014, 11:58 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,317 posts, read 4,439,198 times
Reputation: 9731
Quote:
Originally Posted by mermaid825 View Post
I was a picky eater as a kid so often barely ate dinner anyway. I spent most of my childhood hungry and very underweight. This can spill over into an eating disorder as an adult, just FYI. Thankfully I don't have any serious problems but I've always been underweight or close to it because I got so used to being hungry, as a kid.

I'm not a mom and i've never had this done to me. It would not have been much of a punishment because i was so picky. I strongly agree w this sentiment above. I was NOT always hungry because i suspect my stomach shrinked/appetite diminished to accommodate the lack of food.

Maybe in the summer it would not be so bad for 1 night, but i would not deprive a teen from nutrients/energy while in school.

Expecting a 12yo to think about her "sassy mouth." Does that ever happen?? I always just thought about how my mom was such a B!
 
Old 08-29-2014, 12:35 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
3,978 posts, read 2,964,648 times
Reputation: 11847
Is this the same kid you monitor in the shower?
 
Old 08-29-2014, 12:58 AM
 
Location: Ohio
14,311 posts, read 12,569,286 times
Reputation: 19017
Quote:
Originally Posted by kutra11 View Post
And what point did you make?
That there are negative consequences for bad behavior.
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