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Old 08-31-2014, 10:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXNGL View Post
This made me LOL. And I agree.
Have you never met a child that has never been around other kids? Even if they are well behaved and had a doting parent....they may as well be feral when they get in with a peer group.....because they have no clue how to act around other kids.

There is something to be said for making sure kids can handle a group setting before they are put into school.
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Old 08-31-2014, 11:46 PM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
Have you never met a child that has never been around other kids? Even if they are well behaved and had a doting parent....they may as well be feral when they get in with a peer group.....because they have no clue how to act around other kids.

There is something to be said for making sure kids can handle a group setting before they are put into school.
I guess I haven't. I can't recall ever meeting a kid who was never around other kids, whether in a structured environment or casual. How does that happen? Honest question.
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:23 AM
 
Location: Finland
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXNGL View Post
I guess I haven't. I can't recall ever meeting a kid who was never around other kids, whether in a structured environment or casual. How does that happen? Honest question.
Living somewhere very rural for example. We lived out in the sticks for a while and the only time my kid saw another person, let alone another kid, was once a week when we did the food shop. Even when we didn't live in the countryside she rarely spent time with other children because I lived in places with few children around and none were ever at the park when we were there. Now she is at daycare and I can clearly see the value of "socialisation" for toddlers - she had pretty much zero social skills when it comes to playing with peers before she started but she is slowly improving now.
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXNGL View Post
I guess I haven't. I can't recall ever meeting a kid who was never around other kids, whether in a structured environment or casual. How does that happen? Honest question.
If I wouldn't have made an effort, there would be no reason why daughter would have been around others. Cousins on her father's side are all older, I am the only child of one only child...and my mother's siblings are in another county...and my one cousin never had children. I had no friends wih children of a similar age. (I found them later by getting out there with activities for my daughter.)


That being said, in the case of the two children I've met that were never given social outlets....one simply had a parents with minimal family, none with young kids, minimal friends in general and none with children of a similar age and were homebodies with a mother that was SAHM. I think she was a bit agoraphobic, because they didn't go to the park, they didn't go to the library story time, no parks and rec.....they just didn't see other kids. (Very similar to my sitation, only I am not a homebody or have problems being out and about.)


The boy was charming, knew how to behave around adults and was smart....but was completely lost in a room of kids his age. Didn't know how to play pretend, didn't understand the concept of taking turns (because he never had to, not because he was a bully or selfish) and had meltdowns if another kids did something even minorly wrong.

The mother hadn't wanted him to go to preschool...but the dad insisted..which helped the boy greatly in time (which the mother saw by the end of the year). It was as much an experience for her as it was for her child.

The other case was much sadder....mother was part of church that taught that outsiders were bad influences (I guess). She actively kept her kid from making friends with anyone. The father, well...he didn't care because the mother was to take care of all child care issues. They never went to preschool, they were home-schooled, but it has been suggested that the indoor soccer program of the parks and rec would be a good winter exercise outlet. Only the kid had no clue how to be part of a team and would get mad at anyone that tried to play the game with her. The mother pulled her from the program within three weeks....which was probably for the beter...even if the excuse she told was that it was 'too aggressive' and not godly enough......which was far from actual reality...but.....quite honestly, no one was too upset they left. The kid was a nightmare who had meltdowns playing with others.

Kids do need to be around others....they need to learn how to get along in groups...it's not an innate skill. This can often be done informally, but for some parents don't have that option...and they use lessons and sports to help. There is nothing wrong with that.
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:35 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
Living somewhere very rural for example. We lived out in the sticks for a while and the only time my kid saw another person, let alone another kid, was once a week when we did the food shop. Even when we didn't live in the countryside she rarely spent time with other children because I lived in places with few children around and none were ever at the park when we were there. Now she is at daycare and I can clearly see the value of "socialisation" for toddlers - she had pretty much zero social skills when it comes to playing with peers before she started but she is slowly improving now.
Thank you, Natsku, for explaining without making me feel like an idiot. I live in an urban area and socialization just came naturally, whether through Gymboree (as I mentioned) or just playing in a park. I still contend that children can learn to be around others without, as the OP put it, a zillion activities. Kiddoes do need to learn how to socialize, my issue is with parents thinking it has to be through organized (and costly) programs.
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:48 AM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,820,098 times
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Originally Posted by TXNGL View Post
I still contend that children can learn to be around others without, as the OP put it, a zillion activities. .
They most certainly can and most do...and no one said otherwise.....but if the natural outlets aren't there .....how is a parent supposed to do it without actively seeking out free/informal outlets or putting them in more formal activities?
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Old 09-01-2014, 01:08 AM
 
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
Um, I'm a stay at home mom too. We are out 3-4 days a week at NONE of these places. We do story times, B&N, there's concerts in the park, just going to the park the zoo and errands of course. There's other adults there to talk to just like there at Gymboree. But I also have no problem going to places alone, neither does DD. She has a ball playing by herself, or with other kids. Guess she takes after me. I don't know, I can't fathom paying $500-$600 for 3-4 months at any of these type of gym places. But that's me. And the 2 times I went to these places, I didn't see any adults interacting, just tailgating their kid as they played. But I'm sure that's not the case at every class I guess..

The gymnastics class is an 8 week class and it's only $30 for the entire 8 weeks. It is offered at a local rec center. My friends (who I met in a playgroup) and I joined together. Also, the mother play groups I joined only had an annual fee of $10 and we did all of the things that you listed (go to parks, library, etc). The fee was necessary to maintain a playgroup site on meetup.com.

I have no problems going to places alone (like most moms). But, I will say, I don't want to talk to different strangers each time I go somewhere. I joined the playgroups as a means to meet people with whom I could potentially form friendships. In each group that I joined, I can honestly say that I made around 2 -3 very good friends.
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Old 09-01-2014, 01:17 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
8,858 posts, read 10,318,535 times
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Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
They most certainly can and most do...and no one said otherwise.....but if the natural outlets aren't there .....how is a parent supposed to do it without actively seeking out free/informal outlets or putting them in more formal activities?
Just going by what the OP was talking about. There are areas where parents do put their kids in all sorts of costly activities, talk to some wealthy parents in Manhattan, for example. Yes, I did agree with the poster who asked whether kids would be feral without. I thought it was funny. And in no way am I suggesting that parents don't have to seek this sort of interaction out, whether they live in a city or a rural area. Not at all. Parents should not feel obligated to enroll their toddlers in a zillion activities...as per the OP. Do you disagree?
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:24 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,227,629 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXNGL View Post
Thank you, Natsku, for explaining without making me feel like an idiot. I live in an urban area and socialization just came naturally, whether through Gymboree (as I mentioned) or just playing in a park. I still contend that children can learn to be around others without, as the OP put it, a zillion activities. Kiddoes do need to learn how to socialize, my issue is with parents thinking it has to be through organized (and costly) programs.
Indeed, it does not need to be through organised programs if you live in an area with a lot of kids that are out and about at the park, or if you have friends with other young children. I'm not a fan of structured activities for young children as I think too much structure is bad for them (they need a lot of free time and space to play in their own way) but sometimes its the only, or perhaps the easiest, way for them to learn how to be around other children. And a little structured activity is good so that they learn to follow instructions, be part of a team or group etc. before they start school, so it isn't such a shock to them.
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Old 09-01-2014, 06:44 AM
 
172 posts, read 135,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXNGL View Post
Parents should not feel obligated to enroll their toddlers in a zillion activities...as per the OP. Do you disagree?
Of course not. Parents also shouldn't feel obligated to not enroll their toddlers because of what someone else thinks. This isn't a one size fits all situation, what works for one family may not work for another. What is too much for one kid may be perfectly fine for another.

If you are looking for reasons, I can only give you my personal ones.

I put my kid in these activities because I am a natural introvert. I am perfectly fine with no interaction from others but my kid is a different story. Because I don't have a lot of friends (and those that I do have are far flung and without kids her age) I enroll her in activities so she gets the interactions she NEEDS. My daughter went to daycare from 3 months to 3 years old when I finally stopped working in an office. She went from 5 full days of interaction and kids and fun, fun, fun to being home with me so I was worried she would be bored and miss being with kids all day. The parents at my daughter's daycare were NOT interested in getting together for playdates or parties or anything. If your kid doesn't need interaction, great but your kid isn't the standard by which all kids should be judged.

I am a SAHM and I got flack this summer for putting my 3-year old in summer camps. But I work from home part time and the camps allowed me to get work done without constant interruptions. Same thing with 3K and 4K during the school year (3 days a week).

Another observation: as a former full-time working mom there were very, very little free, casual activities for kids during non-work hours, at least in my area. The activities that were available after hours and on weekends? You had to enroll and pay for them. Moms groups met during the day.

And sometimes the activities are just for fun! I see them and think my kid would enjoy it. It's really that simple.

Last edited by CarolinaPig; 09-01-2014 at 07:05 AM..
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