U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-08-2014, 07:27 AM
 
8,547 posts, read 5,301,908 times
Reputation: 9120

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amisi View Post
For all of you focusing on the outdoor atm... the OP never mentioned an atm. The OP is talking about leaving the child unattended in the car while he/she went INSIDE a store, post office, etc for "under a minute".
It's because the conversation has flowed to this point after some posters stated that never under any circumstances would they leave their child in the car, not even for things like outdoor ATM's, cart returns, book drops, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-08-2014, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,103 posts, read 4,037,357 times
Reputation: 9991
I live in Florida. Here if you leave your car running with a kid inside, someone will jump in and jack your car. If you leave your kid in the car with it not running, the car will be over 100 degrees in a matter of seconds. Its just the fact we live by that you have to take your kids inside with you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 07:40 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,296,520 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
It's because the conversation has flowed to this point after some posters stated that never under any circumstances would they leave their child in the car, not even for things like outdoor ATM's, cart returns, book drops, etc.
Exactly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 08:11 AM
 
8,547 posts, read 5,301,908 times
Reputation: 9120
That was interesting. While I don't think the mom in the story made the best decision to leave her child in the car while she went into a store for five minutes, I don't think the response that she got with being prosecuted was warranted. I also hate the idea that someone was filming her going into the store and filming her child in the car and filming them driving away. What is wrong with people that their first response is to videotape, call the police and assume the worst? I also thought is was interesting that she brought up the fact that many kids waited in cars while their parents shopped just 25 years ago. It was very common. Now just a short amount of time could lead to police intervention. The world is not any more dangerous then it was then so why have things changed so drastically in our perception concerning kids being alone in cars for any period of time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
Here's the piece:
The day I left my son in the car - Salon.com

That just makes me really sad. Parents are subject to so much scrutiny from everywhere that you can't make the smallest decisions for your own without instantly being judged by strangers for it - with sometimes devastating results. This to me goes in the same vein as those poor parents that had been in the news some time ago who had their babies torn out from perfectly healthy loving families due to some retardation broken telephone between their doctors, hospitals, cops, and CPS. They were returned eventually after investigation, but it took weeks which for a young baby is extremely traumatic, and possibly resulted in attachment disorders and who knows what other issues.

People should think before they act sometimes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 08:15 AM
 
8,547 posts, read 5,301,908 times
Reputation: 9120
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Yes people should think before they act. The woman in the article let a 4yr old dictate how things went that day, he wanted to go with in her in the car, ever hear the word NO.

He should have stayed at home with the grandmother and the 1yr old.

Than he didn't want get out of the car once they got to store, how about acting like a parent and not letting the child run the show? You wanted to come to the store, we're at the store, and you're going in.

I'm not saying she deserved to go through all that, but who is the parent and who is the child? You don't let a 4yr old tell you how things are going to be handled.
Parents are people. They aren't always at their 100% best. Sometimes they get worn down by stress and give in. Show me a mom who is perfect, always on top of her game, never gives in and always does the right thing and then prove to me that this mom is a real human being and not a robot.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 08:24 AM
 
1,025 posts, read 967,630 times
Reputation: 1775
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
That was interesting. While I don't think the mom in the story made the best decision to leave her child in the car while she went into a store for five minutes, I don't think the response that she got with being prosecuted was warranted. I also hate the idea that someone was filming her going into the store and filming her child in the car and filming them driving away. What is wrong with people that their first response is to videotape, call the police and assume the worst? I also thought is was interesting that she brought up the fact that many kids waited in cars while their parents shopped just 25 years ago. It was very common. Now just a short amount of time could lead to police intervention. The world is not any more dangerous then it was then so why have things changed so drastically in our perception concerning kids being alone in cars for any period of time?
I agree that she made a bad decision. The fact that someone was able to film her and her child without her knowledge actually scares me because it means she was completely unaware of what was going on around her and her son. Thankfully the woman who called was not a person with bad intentions, and I don't think calling the police was wrong either. She had no idea how long the mother would be gone. IMHO, she did the right thing.

I am not saying that the mother is a horrible person, but I don't think that a person who has a child's best interests at heart is horrible either.

Last edited by raindrop101; 09-08-2014 at 08:40 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Texas
599 posts, read 479,728 times
Reputation: 1815
I personally have never left my children in the car unattended (no adult in the car). I do make it a point to always park next to the cart return when I go to the grocery store and I always go to the drive up ATM (honestly, I have never seen a bank brand without a drive thru of some sort). But to be honest, I did these things before I had children - the grocery cart for convenience and the ATM for safety.

I think most of you who have must admit that you did so out of convenience not out of assessing risk. For example, I doubt anyone who left their kids in the car while going to the ATM thought, "it's much safer for the kids to be in the car and that's why I will leave them in there but rather, gawd, it would be a pain in the butt to take them out for just this - it will only take a second, there's no harm in me doing this."

Having said this, I don't think there is anything irresponsible about the ATM and book drop off scenarios. I just wouldn't do it. Why? To me it's more of a comfort thing. It maybe irrational, but that's ok. For example, IF something did happen to my kids while in the car, I just wouldn't be able to live with myself. There is just something about it that makes me uncomfortable.

But like I said, there are a lot of things other parents do that I don't do. And I don't necessarily think they are being bad parents by doing so.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,081 posts, read 99,155,665 times
Reputation: 31559
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
We are trying to get to the bottom of what specific distance you consider your child unattended.

You mentioned a kiosk. Where I live, they are located on the sidewalks in front of convenience stores. Car parking places pull up to the sidewalk. It's entirely possible the front of your car can be literally two feet away from the kiosk. Cart returns can be just a few feet away if you park your car near the cart return.

You're drawing an unrealistic hard line of what constitutes attended and unattended. You are saying you literally have to be in the car at all times. Period. Or children are unattended.

That means your children are unattended while you pump gas even if you pay for gas at the pump with a credit card. Or do you unload all of your children to stand around you in a gas station parking inhaling gasoline vapors while you pump the gas?

Do you drag your child along with you to put your cart away in the cart return? Do you hold their hands while you are pushing the cart past all of those cars that can't see your child when they are backing out of a parking place? What if there are five children? You only have two hands and one is needed to push the cart.

Let's assume you don't know how to change a tire, but your husband certainly does. If he has the children out with him alone (no other adult is with him), and the car gets a flat tire, does he drag the children out to stand at the side of a busy highway while he changes the tire? Or does he leave the children inside the car while he changes the tire? Either way, he isn't focused on the children. He's focused on changing the tire. Do you really expect us to believe that children are safer standing along a busy highway instead of sitting inside a car while a parent is focused on another task?

Inquiring minds want to know specific details on how you manage to function in your perfect safe little world.
Your hypothetical about the tire got me to thinking (dangerous, I know)!

Suppose you took your kids to a movie, or the mall, and came out 2 hours later to find 2" of snow on the car. (It is common to get an inch an hour here in my part of Colorado.) In addition, the windshield was warm when you parked the car, so the early snow melted and then froze on the windshield. Plus, it's now 4:30 PM on a December day, the sky is cloudy d/t snow, and the sun is going down. Is it safer to leave your kids in the car, where they have been strictly instructed to sit in the back and not mess with the controls, or in the darkening snow-covered parking lot with you while you scrape ice and brush snow off the windshield?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
I personally have never left my children in the car unattended (no adult in the car). I do make it a point to always park next to the cart return when I go to the grocery store and I always go to the drive up ATM (honestly, I have never seen a bank brand without a drive thru of some sort). But to be honest, I did these things before I had children - the grocery cart for convenience and the ATM for safety.

I think most of you who have must admit that you did so out of convenience not out of assessing risk. For example, I doubt anyone who left their kids in the car while going to the ATM thought, "it's much safer for the kids to be in the car and that's why I will leave them in there but rather, gawd, it would be a pain in the butt to take them out for just this - it will only take a second, there's no harm in me doing this."

Having said this, I don't think there is anything irresponsible about the ATM and book drop off scenarios. I just wouldn't do it. Why? To me it's more of a comfort thing. It maybe irrational, but that's ok. For example, IF something did happen to my kids while in the car, I just wouldn't be able to live with myself. There is just something about it that makes me uncomfortable.

But like I said, there are a lot of things other parents do that I don't do. And I don't necessarily think they are being bad parents by doing so.
I disagree that parents don't put at least a modicum of thought into their actions with their kids. Parents tend to know their kids too. A child who would stand right next to mom is different than one who has a propensity to "cut loose" when out of the car.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
Parents are people. They aren't always at their 100% best. Sometimes they get worn down by stress and give in. Show me a mom who is perfect, always on top of her game, never gives in and always does the right thing and then prove to me that this mom is a real human being and not a robot.
Exactly!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 09:27 AM
 
5,557 posts, read 3,404,480 times
Reputation: 14056
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
Having said this, I don't think there is anything irresponsible about the ATM and book drop off scenarios. I just wouldn't do it. Why? To me it's more of a comfort thing. It may be irrational, but that's ok. For example, IF something did happen to my kids while in the car, I just wouldn't be able to live with myself. There is just something about it that makes me uncomfortable.
Thank you. I have been waiting and waiting for someone to admit that this is irrational. The attitude that parents must take their children absolutely everywhere and never take their eyes off them for a second is not about risk, it's not about superior parenting through self-sacrifice. It's about what makes the parent feel comfortable.

These parents have a deep-seated feeling that they are the one thing standing between their child and disaster. That they can personally protect their child from every bad thing, just by being close to them. (Don't we all wish that were true!) That their child is safer being with them than elsewhere, even when rationally they aren't. This feeling makes them comfortable!

All of us want our children to be safe. In many situations that have been mentioned in this thread, a child is demonstrably safer in the car than elsewhere. But these parents could be given a list of statistics about children being safer in the car for a minute than walked across a parking lot to a book drop or standing next to an ATM, and they would STILL say "But it feels wrong, it feels unsafe." Feels wrong, not is wrong. Feels unsafe, not is unsafe. It is irrational, but "that's OK."

I'm not going to call these parents lazy, selfish, or irresponsible. I think the risk is slim either way and parents have the right to make that kind of judgment call. Take your kids up to the ATM, leave them in the car, I really don't care. But maybe lay off calling everyone who doesn't agree with you lazy, selfish, and irresponsible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2014, 09:30 AM
 
325 posts, read 906,047 times
Reputation: 187
I think this ties into what we define 'Parenting' as. Some believe that parenting is protecting your child from the world. Others, like myself, believe that while that's part of it, 'Parenting' is about preparing your child for the world.

For instance, one of the parent's posted above that they never left their teen kids alone on their own, ever. First I think everyone has the right to parent their own kids their own way (within reason). Second though, I have to ask about the end game strategy with that approach.

For me personally who grew up in a big city (Toronto), I could never imagine being able to safely navigate the city streets at night on my own at 19, if I hadn't been building up street smart skills by being on my own at 16 during the day.

I think I'd have been petrified that of everything, and would probably need parental supervision at 26. I wouldn't just wake up one day knowing how to walk, where to walk, when to break traffic laws (ie get away from homeless person up the street BEFORE they see me) etc. Just my two cents.

So on a much more smaller scale, it's a reason why I do let my 7 year old go to the washroom unaccompanied at restaurants, I do let him play in the park (I'm around, but sometimes he's on the other side of the playground), and why when he was younger I would never get one of those 'leash' backpacks to yank him back from danger. Rather I wanted him to understand danger - "cars aren't looking for kids, they're looking for spots".

But that's me, and I think the fundamental issue at this divide - it's not about leaving your kids in the car, it's about the definition of parenting, protection or preparation. And parenting ain't easy in any decade.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top