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Old 09-08-2014, 09:35 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,218,205 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
I think most of you who have must admit that you did so out of convenience not out of assessing risk. For example, I doubt anyone who left their kids in the car while going to the ATM thought, "it's much safer for the kids to be in the car and that's why I will leave them in there but rather, gawd, it would be a pain in the butt to take them out for just this - it will only take a second, there's no harm in me doing this."
The cart return easily is an assessment of risk. Walking a child through a parking lot is dangerous. As for the ATM, it was merely an assessment of the safety of the child being in the car. I never thought about it being a PITA to take a child with me. My thoughts were always on if something was safe. It's no different than when I assess the weather each day before deciding to take my dog with me. It's just a natural assessment you make multiple times everyday. There's not a big tormented thought process going on. It's like instinct. At least that's how my mind works. I can't speak for others because I know some people really do torture themselves with decisions and think through a billion scenarios. I'll bet they are the ones most likely to take their children with them though.
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Old 09-08-2014, 09:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
Suppose you took your kids to a movie, or the mall, and came out 2 hours later to find 2" of snow on the car. (It is common to get an inch an hour here in my part of Colorado.) In addition, the windshield was warm when you parked the car, so the early snow melted and then froze on the windshield. Plus, it's now 4:30 PM on a December day, the sky is cloudy d/t snow, and the sun is going down. Is it safer to leave your kids in the car, where they have been strictly instructed to sit in the back and not mess with the controls, or in the darkening snow-covered parking lot with you while you scrape ice and brush snow off the windshield?
My children always stayed in the car for that until they were old enough to help scraping!

Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
It's about what makes the parent feel comfortable.
Exactly. That's why I can't understand the "take with" parents are judging the "stay in car" parents. We're not judging them for taking their children with them, but most of them are standing on a soapbox insisting that we're not taking proper care of our children.
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Old 09-08-2014, 09:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlsoNotMe View Post
I think this ties into what we define 'Parenting' as. Some believe that parenting is protecting your child from the world. Others, like myself, believe that while that's part of it, 'Parenting' is about preparing your child for the world.

For instance, one of the parent's posted above that they never left their teen kids alone on their own, ever. First I think everyone has the right to parent their own kids their own way (within reason). Second though, I have to ask about the end game strategy with that approach.

For me personally who grew up in a big city (Toronto), I could never imagine being able to safely navigate the city streets at night on my own at 19, if I hadn't been building up street smart skills by being on my own at 16 during the day.

I think I'd have been petrified that of everything, and would probably need parental supervision at 26. I wouldn't just wake up one day knowing how to walk, where to walk, when to break traffic laws (ie get away from homeless person up the street BEFORE they see me) etc. Just my two cents.

So on a much more smaller scale, it's a reason why I do let my 7 year old go to the washroom unaccompanied at restaurants, I do let him play in the park (I'm around, but sometimes he's on the other side of the playground), and why when he was younger I would never get one of those 'leash' backpacks to yank him back from danger. Rather I wanted him to understand danger - "cars aren't looking for kids, they're looking for spots".

But that's me, and I think the fundamental issue at this divide - it's not about leaving your kids in the car, it's about the definition of parenting, protection or preparation. And parenting ain't easy in any decade.
This is the way I was raised and the way I parented. I think it is important for parents to give children different levels of independence. Literally being by their side, always a few feet away, doesn't instill self confidence.

I always allowed my children to take the lead. For example, when they were old enough to be left at home alone for short periods of time, I always said, "Your father and I are going to the store, do you want to come?" They often said they wanted to stay home if it was daylight, and they wanted to come if it was dark outside. A couple of years later, they started choosing to stay home even if it was dark outside.

Since I allowed my children to take the lead, my children were more independent than other children at various things sooner. That also inspired other children's parents to start allowing things because their children wanted to join my children.
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Old 09-08-2014, 10:14 AM
 
8,547 posts, read 5,290,015 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post

Exactly. That's why I can't understand the "take with" parents are judging the "stay in car" parents. We're not judging them for taking their children with them, but most of them are standing on a soapbox insisting that we're not taking proper care of our children.
Agreed. I feel like I might be risking police questioning for something that another parent perceives to be dangerous. But in reality, isn't really dangerous.

Yesterday I took my kids to an amusement park. There were so many happy kids there. Many of them riding rides alone, their parents watching from afar. Everyone was having a blast. I couldn't help but think of this thread. I'd say the act of taking kids to an amusement park is inherently way more dangerous then letting them sit in a car alone for a couple of minutes. It could also be classified as a unnecessary risk. Yet there they were, hundreds of families, having a great time, despite the risk.
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Old 09-08-2014, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,290 posts, read 4,594,445 times
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I don't think it is illegal in most states.

Twice I left my infant in the car to drop off dry-cleaning. You could pull right up to a big plate glass window to park, and the counter was 3 feet from the door, so the car (although admittedly not the infant, only the top of the car seat) was visible the entire time. I can't think of any other place ever where the final destination was that close to the car, so never did it anywhere else.

All I can say is, THANK YOU JESUS! for pay at the pump gasoline. I have no idea what mothers did when they had to enter the gas station to pay.
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Old 09-08-2014, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,164 posts, read 22,178,094 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
I don't think it is illegal in most states.

Twice I left my infant in the car to drop off dry-cleaning. You could pull right up to a big plate glass window to park, and the counter was 3 feet from the door, so the car (although admittedly not the infant, only the top of the car seat) was visible the entire time. I can't think of any other place ever where the final destination was that close to the car, so never did it anywhere else.

All I can say is, THANK YOU JESUS! for pay at the pump gasoline. I have no idea what mothers did when they had to enter the gas station to pay.
My library's outdoor bookdrop has a parking space (reserved for dropping off books only) literally on the other side of the sidewalk from the parking space - so yeah, about 3 feet. Same with the Redbox kiosk, same with the drycleaner - it has an exterior drop off chute in the front of the building right across the sidewalk from the parking space. Honestly the parent is never but 3-4 feet away from the car and there is not interaction with other people or a line or if there is, you can wait in the car until there isn't. It is not any less safe than if I exited the car, took out the carseat and went from there. I mean, if you get down to it I suppose I'm risking tripping while attempting to carry the carseat along with the drycleaning bag thus exposing my child to more danger than if I had just left the child there for the 15 seconds it probably took to dump the bag of cleaning or return the books. I do agree with the poster who indicated it's more about feeling it's safer than about reality. I'd liken it to driving somewhere to avoid the risk of flying. It's about feeling in control. It's not wrong to have that feeling but it's not really based in fact. Now, if someone wants to find a link that shows the high risk of kidnapping/carjacking of children left alone while their parents are at the library dropoff or Redbox kiosk, the kids are locked in the car and the parents have taken the keys, well I'll be happy to read it. Thankfully my kids are grown and it's not something I worry about any more.

Last edited by maciesmom; 09-08-2014 at 11:29 AM..
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Old 09-08-2014, 11:24 AM
gg
 
Location: Pittsburgh
17,029 posts, read 17,250,138 times
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Why wouldn't someone leave a little one in a car for less than a minute? Goodness, what a bunch of nonsense. If your child is able to get into trouble in a car seat in less than a minute, I suspect you don't have a good situation to begin with. If you live in a crime area or city, I can understand not leaving a child alone anywhere, but in small towns, it is no big deal at all. Not everyone lives in the hyped up silly world we are fearfully living in. For heaven's sake!
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Old 09-08-2014, 11:56 AM
 
11,161 posts, read 6,642,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
I also thought is was interesting that she brought up the fact that many kids waited in cars while their parents shopped just 25 years ago. It was very common. Now just a short amount of time could lead to police intervention. The world is not any more dangerous then it was then so why have things changed so drastically in our perception concerning kids being alone in cars for any period of time?
It's because of the internet and 24/7 news stations. 20 years ago you wouldn't have heard about some mom 5 states over who left her child in the car while she went into the nail salon. Now it makes national news and the mom is going around to all the news networks giving interviews. Then it happens again 2 weeks later in another state, and week later somewhere else. People then think that it's an epidemic because they didn't hear about all these cases before.

Then of course anytime it makes the news, viewers are reminded to call the police the second they see anything suspicious. So you then end up with the crazies who record a mother's every move in the parking lot.
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Old 09-08-2014, 12:33 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,706,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
and what if the child is by your side and while you're focusing on the atm, trying to punch in numbers, they dash off onto the road or parking lot? This is a MUCH more likely scenario than them getting hurt while strapped in the carseat
Not when the car is stolen.

There have been several incidents across the country where a mother has gone to use the ATM, left the car running, back is turned, and there goes the car with the child in it.

Most likely the person taking the car doesn't even see the child, they're focusing on the running car.

And you don't need two hands to use an ATM(I know I don't), you hold the child's hand with one and use the other to punch in the numbers. You can also have the child stand right in front of you. Kind of hard to run off with a full sized adult behind you and the machine in front of you.
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Old 09-08-2014, 12:44 PM
 
12,940 posts, read 19,867,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Not when the car is stolen.

There have been several incidents across the country where a mother has gone to use the ATM, left the car running, back is turned, and there goes the car with the child in it.

Most likely the person taking the car doesn't even see the child, they're focusing on the running car.

And you don't need two hands to use an ATM(I know I don't), you hold the child's hand with one and use the other to punch in the numbers. You can also have the child stand right in front of you. Kind of hard to run off with a full sized adult behind you and the machine in front of you.
Things that might be possible with one child, aren't when there are siblings. And , if you live in a known carjacking risk area, you have to take extra precautions at all times. Those areas might also have somebody watching the ATM to hold you up as soon as you withdraw cash.

We can play devil's advocate all day long, but it doesn't mean there is an elevated risk for most parents to leave a child in the car for a minute or two.
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