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Old 09-09-2014, 01:26 PM
 
5,178 posts, read 3,001,131 times
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Mommy hugs to you Sonic_Spork! If you don't have to endure some of those humiliating face palms when you're raising teenagers you are probably totally deluded. We don't always get to see them in every milieu.

And it's an okay thing to learn that they are many-sided people while they are figuring out who they want to be out there in that scary world. All the more fodder for thoughtful conversations when the opportunity presents.

Those teen years are tough, sometimes school administrators are certifiable and it's easy to start second-guessing yourself. Sounds like you're doing well.

This whole incident may save you a more distressing one later on.
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Old 09-09-2014, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Berkeley County
553 posts, read 468,829 times
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If he were my kid, I'd make him work like crazy on projects around the house during his "week off" from school. He would never forget why it is bad to be rude in school.
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Old 09-09-2014, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Colorado
9,764 posts, read 6,282,029 times
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Thanks, Lodestar! hugs back atcha.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baconisgood View Post
If he were my kid, I'd make him work like crazy on projects around the house during his "week off" from school. He would never forget why it is bad to be rude in school.
Yup. I love hard work as a means to discipline, because not only does it make them moan and groan in the present and regret the act that led them to where they are, and give them time to reflect while doing chores...but it teaches them that hard work won't kill them, how to perform certain jobs and tasks they might have to do as adults, and generally builds character. My son will be doing his school work, and extra chores, on top of reading and practicing his musical instruments. We're keeping him busy.
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Old 09-09-2014, 02:56 PM
 
Location: On The Road Full Time RVing
2,342 posts, read 2,788,498 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fern Rock View Post
Make sure you take him somewhere nice during the suspension.
He needs to be punished ... not rewarded.
.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,642,201 times
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Id start limiting what you let him watch and hear. Allowing it at home doesnt make it ok or easier.

13 is not an adult and shouldnt be treated as such. YOU are responsible for his behavior, how he is disciplined and even reacts.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:18 PM
 
Location: On The Road Full Time RVing
2,342 posts, read 2,788,498 times
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.
Fours days off from school with work instead of play will hopefully wake him up,
because the next time could be worse.

In 1963 when I was 14 years old and in the 9th grade I found out that a boy told my 12 sister
right to her face in the school hallway in front a bunch of students that he would like to ( F ) her.

Well someone came and told me what he said, and I tore out after him and he ran
home, which was across from the school.

He ran inside and his mother came to the door, and wanted to know why I came after him,
and I told her to ask him because ( he knows why ) and if he does it again I will beat his head off.

Later that day the Principal called me out of into the hallway and asked me what was going on.

I told him what he did, and why I did what I did, and that if he ever did it again I would beat him,
and if You the ( Principal ) beat me with a paddle it won't make any difference.

Never heard any more about it ... or him.

.
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Old 09-09-2014, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Finally in NC
1,337 posts, read 1,793,151 times
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I've taught in 2 school districts and most suspensions were 1-3 days tops and parents could always re-admit early if they came in to conference with the principal. UNLESS it was something so severe they had to go to central office in front of the board.

As a FORMER teacher, most 13 year old boys are anything but mature. Middle school is the worst-awkward age for kids all trying to grow up, find themselves, and impress their friends.
At least he did 'fess up and not make excuses.
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Old 09-09-2014, 07:23 PM
 
5,178 posts, read 3,001,131 times
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I agree that when he was confronted he handled it well. There are many adults who are unable to own up to their responsibility in a matter that disturbs others. For a thirteen-year-old to do so indicates a pretty high level of psychological health, I think. You've got to have a sturdy self-esteem to be able to do that.

When my husband was drafted during the late '60s I worked in the Dependent Youth Activities Youth Center for the Army. And I noticed then that Army kids as a whole are mature beyond their years and generally have a good sense of values.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohky0815 View Post
Id start limiting what you let him watch and hear. Allowing it at home doesnt make it ok or easier./
At the risk of veering off topic, I wonder how well this works, forbidden fruit and all. Perhaps some kids will obey that rule when they are at another kid's home but I can imagine the temptation when they'd like to stay with their friends.

I had that same mind set for my youngsters until the first time I turned on MTV and heard the F-bomb. Sex and profanity is everywhere in this culture. Much of it sends unhealthy messages. How was I ever going to shield them from all of that without throwing out the TV and radio and keeping them away from other kids?

So I decided I had to change my strategy. Instead I suggested that any time they saw or heard something that they didn't understand we could talk about it and I didn't fail to make a few comments about our family values whenever anything was on that conflicted with them.

I talked about the whys of our values and what consequences could naturally happen for not following them. Typical teens, I don't remember them coming to me very often about sexual attitudes. But their dad and I must have done a good enough job as they've turned out to be pretty normal young adults (with all the usual precious qualities and flaws.)
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Old 09-09-2014, 07:33 PM
 
Location: sumter
7,213 posts, read 4,647,127 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Thanks, Lodestar! hugs back atcha.



Yup. I love hard work as a means to discipline, because not only does it make them moan and groan in the present and regret the act that led them to where they are, and give them time to reflect while doing chores...but it teaches them that hard work won't kill them, how to perform certain jobs and tasks they might have to do as adults, and generally builds character. My son will be doing his school work, and extra chores, on top of reading and practicing his musical instruments. We're keeping him busy.
Good, do your best to make these days out of school anything but a vacation.
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Old 09-09-2014, 07:35 PM
 
1,058 posts, read 1,708,286 times
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The Dean inferred that your son's actions were directed towards a female teacher, were they?

The Dean subtly threatened you, that would tick me off.

Someone tattled, if I understood your postings, the kids were not seen by another staff member, someone tattled. Is that correct?

I'm not condoning the actions but middle school kids are rude, vulgar and their humor is a bit off.

Personally, I'd be proud he owned up to it, I'd point out how his actions were portrayed and then I would schedule an appt. with the Principal to get the kid back into school. A four day suspension IMO is stupid and an overreaction.

I know the party line is to support the schools and by and large I agree with that concept BUT I don't agree with allowing a school administrator to threaten me so that I let what ever punishment they deemed appropriate to slide.

I don't understand why a firm, "hey, those gestures are not acceptable, don't do it again" did not suffice. A four day suspension is going way overboard IMO

Last edited by mamacatnv; 09-09-2014 at 08:22 PM..
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