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He's about to turn 13 and he was making lewd gestures among a group of other boys, trying to get laughs and make friends (he's kind of socially awkward at this age, so if he's getting attention for something, he's gonna do it.) One of the kids ratted them out and it was interpreted that he was making these gestures "at" the female teacher in a sexual and innappropriate manner. I don't believe that he was, except in the sense of being an obnoxious little you-know-what for the attention of his peers. He's not generally a mean or nasty sort of kid and he tends to treat adults with respect.
Thing is I'm kind of blaming myself because I think he got it from a movie we watched not long ago, which was quite innappropriate, and I should have known better than to let him see it. I've been loosening the apron strings where it comes to "adult content" (mostly language and suggestive stuff, not seriously explicit scenes)...in the hopes that at nearly 13 (a couple weeks to go) he was getting to the point of maturity where he'd exercise a bit of discretion and not repeat things. It's a conversation we've had a million times in our household with him and his 15 year old brother...it's not that adult language, gestures, and so on are "bad" so much as it's disrespectful to use them in most situations. Grown adults know we can't go to work, school, or heck WALMART and use a stream of foul language and flash a middle finger or worse at people. You just don't do that. I finally got to the point where, knowing he is seeing and hearing it all from other kids in and after school, I'd rather he experience some of this language at home where I can make sure he's got some idea of what things mean and why they are offensive and caution him about the many scenarios where he shouldn't use them...
Well...I guess he was not as mature or wise about this as I had hoped. And again I feel like, knowing his attention-craving ways, I really should have known better.
He is now suspended for the rest of the week.
It's been a very facepalm-y sort of a day. *sigh*
EDIT: It's worth mentioning, and the administration did repeatedly, that he did not attempt to lie or make excuses for this, he apologized and felt bad about it and owned his actions. He was the only one (out of 5 or 6 boys) who was "told on" and got in trouble. He did not attempt to play the "but they were doing it" card, just said he was trying to be funny to impress other kids.
Sounds like he was pretty mature for his age as to taking responsibility and not whining or trying to share the blame by pointing out others in the group who were also engaging in the same behavior.
I would take some comfort in that.
I suspect this is probably a good thing -- getting it out of the way at the first of the school year, so that he can prove himself from here out. He knows how serious one small moment of frivolity and thoughtlessness can be now. It is a very hard lesson to learn, but hopefully -- he won't be inclined to fall in with his peers the next time some rowdiness is going on. And he has learned how quickly someone can either misinterpret something or purposely twist it to cause problems.
He is at a hard age with social skills. I have a feeling he has learned this lesson in a very very hard way and won't be forgetting it any time soon.
Don't be too down on him or yourself . . . sounds like you talked to him and he gets the picture.
I'd definitely want to know what the gestures were. Did you ask him to show you what they were? There's lewd and then there's disgusting. If they're disgusting and he doesn't want to repeat them and he's basically a good kid, he'll learn a huge lesson. I wouldn't make him repeat them if he's turning red and you know he's embarrassed. Just give him THE LOOK that lets him know you know. Good kids learn that lesson REAL quick and seldom become repeat offenders.
Hang in there. Even great kids do dumb stuff.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 09-08-2014 at 04:39 PM..
He's about to turn 13 and he was making lewd gestures among a group of other boys, trying to get laughs and make friends (he's kind of socially awkward at this age, so if he's getting attention for something, he's gonna do it.) One of the kids ratted them out and it was interpreted that he was making these gestures "at" the female teacher in a sexual and innappropriate manner. I don't believe that he was, except in the sense of being an obnoxious little you-know-what for the attention of his peers. He's not generally a mean or nasty sort of kid and he tends to treat adults with respect.
Thing is I'm kind of blaming myself because I think he got it from a movie we watched not long ago, which was quite innappropriate, and I should have known better than to let him see it. I've been loosening the apron strings where it comes to "adult content" (mostly language and suggestive stuff, not seriously explicit scenes)...in the hopes that at nearly 13 (a couple weeks to go) he was getting to the point of maturity where he'd exercise a bit of discretion and not repeat things. It's a conversation we've had a million times in our household with him and his 15 year old brother...it's not that adult language, gestures, and so on are "bad" so much as it's disrespectful to use them in most situations. Grown adults know we can't go to work, school, or heck WALMART and use a stream of foul language and flash a middle finger or worse at people. You just don't do that. I finally got to the point where, knowing he is seeing and hearing it all from other kids in and after school, I'd rather he experience some of this language at home where I can make sure he's got some idea of what things mean and why they are offensive and caution him about the many scenarios where he shouldn't use them...
Well...I guess he was not as mature or wise about this as I had hoped. And again I feel like, knowing his attention-craving ways, I really should have known better.
He is now suspended for the rest of the week.
It's been a very facepalm-y sort of a day. *sigh*
EDIT: It's worth mentioning, and the administration did repeatedly, that he did not attempt to lie or make excuses for this, he apologized and felt bad about it and owned his actions. He was the only one (out of 5 or 6 boys) who was "told on" and got in trouble. He did not attempt to play the "but they were doing it" card, just said he was trying to be funny to impress other kids.
It's not the end of the world...don't over react. It's the age they do stupid stuff. He is being punished and I am sure you will add a reasonable home punishment as well. If anything its good it happened now...he's learned there are consequences for bad behavior....and not just from you.
In the long run, it won't matter. It won't affect him getting into a good college and odds are no one will even remember by the time he stays high school.
Luckily this is middle school, not high school. But it sounds like you learned a valuable lesson. He is not your buddy to watch "mature audience" films with. Sounds like he has little impulse control, so you need to make sure you're not giving him something that he has to control. Take a look at why he feels he has to be the class clown.
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