How to Handle Preschooler "Bullying" at School?

[AndyAMG]

I think as adults we are highly misguided in how to handle "problems" between children.

Some parents believe hitting back should never happen and that an adult must always step in to correct the problem.

But that is the problem. We don't let kids sort things out for themselves anymore. We tell kids that even if someone hits them they should just let it happen and then tell an adult. In my opinion that instantly makes them dependent on an adult in situations when they are being threatened.

As humans we are prone to playing rough and fighting just like any other species. We battle for mates, territory, honor and sometimes we just do it for no real reason other than we can. If you'd like to disagree, I invite you to spend a few hours in an airport, bar, or sporting event. Our behavior are not always rational and reason can not always over come instinct.

Long story short until she fights back she will be a victim as long as those two kids are in close proximity.

If you don't supervise children you can watch them sort relationship dynamics out by themselves. When my son was about 6 he and a little boy liked to fight with fake plastic swords and that little boy never played fair. My son wanted to fence, and the neighbor boy wanted to play 300/WWF. I watched them wrestle around with my son trying to reason with him that my son did not want to wrestle and that the boy was playing too hard. I could have intervened but nothing really warranted it yet. They did not know I was watching. Well, I guess that human instinct fight or flight kicked in when that boy pinned my son down and slapped him in the face. My son blasted him in the face with an elbow, and just like that, smirking little macho man randy savage was reduced to bawling toddler in micro second. He ran home crying. About 2 weeks later the kid came back over and they played a nice little game of sword fighting, no WWF wrestling included.

As far as the school: What can they do really? Teachers/helpers have zero authority... none whatsoever, at least in my state and Arizona. Teachers are forbidden to physically restrain a child under any circumstances because of the insurance or lawsuit risk. Little Johnny or Suzie can do no wrong in their parents eyes. How many times have you heard something to the effect of "No one better touch my child" or "how dare they touch my child." My wife heard it all the time. The parents were super protective and extremely aggressive against the notion that their sweet baby could possibly do anything wrong. Most of the parents of the bully child were either not bothered by the behavior or outright condoned it. They would instead blame the teachers and their training. How many people have successfully reasoned with a pissed off, tantrum throwing 5 year old. "Okay johnny, I love you but I don't love your behavior, you need to settle down."... Please... Now queue the "perfect parents" of the year, with their stories about asking them nicely to stop their behavior and it working. Usually for me I eventually would put them in the shopping cart and buckle them in, or put them in the car and buckle them in, or pick them up and hold them, something...but diffusing a tantrum usually required some sort of physical manipulation. Teachers/preschool attendant, head start helpers whatever they are..... can not touch the children in any kind of aggressive fashion and are actually told the less contact the better (even if it is freindly, they don't want any inappropriate touching accusations.) It's gotten to the point where schools/daycare and the staff don't discipline the kids or bother correcting their actions for fear of a parent making accusations to get them fired (It happens a lot more than you think.) It was one of the many reasons my wife abandoned her dream of being a career teacher.