Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Asking this for a friend who is having this issue.
She has a three year old who is being pushed around by another kid in class and on the playground almost daily. Her child is coming home telling her and she has talked with the teachers who are very attentive and always see what is going down and disciplines the other child accordingly. Problem is the issue is not going away. She has also talked to the admin for the school bc she (understandably) does not appreciate her child being hit, pushed around and possibly hurt daily while the school tries to figure out what to do to get the other three year old to keep his hands to himself.
From what she described, the kid is pretty bad. School has asked for more time to try to work with this kid but in the meantime, my friend's kid is getting pushed around and sometimes hurt. Timeout doesn't exactly address the hurt her kid feels when attacked by the other.
So what should she do?
She don't want to teach her child to hit back. The child has been taught to say no and to tell the teacher. This is what the child does. The other kid is not getting the message.
Sidevent: why do schools tolerate this? If a preschooler is putting his hands on another child, in my mind, he has to go. Otherwise, how you can keep the non-offending child safe?
Asking this for a friend who is having this issue.
She has a three year old who is being pushed around by another kid in class and on the playground almost daily. Her child is coming home telling her and she has talked with the teachers who are very attentive and always see what is going down and disciplines the other child accordingly. Problem is the issue is not going away. She has also talked to the admin for the school bc she (understandably) does not appreciate her child being hit, pushed around and possibly hurt daily while the school tries to figure out what to do to get the other three year old to keep his hands to himself.
From what she described, the kid is pretty bad. School has asked for more time to try to work with this kid but in the meantime, my friend's kid is getting pushed around and sometimes hurt. Timeout doesn't exactly address the hurt her kid feels when attacked by the other.
So what should she do?
She don't want to teach her child to hit back. The child has been taught to say no and to tell the teacher. This is what the child does. The other kid is not getting the message.
Sidevent: why do schools tolerate this? If a preschooler is putting his hands on another child, in my mind, he has to go. Otherwise, how you can keep the non-offending child safe?
Schools tolerate this because it is quite normal for 3 year olds to go through a hitting phase. Not all kids do, but many do.
Talk to the teachers about what they are doing when disciplining. The thing that works best for a child who hits is to shadow him. They should have someone shadowing and stopping him from hitting or pushing. Then they should be explaining to him how to use words and how to use gentle hands. It usually takes a week or two before the child gets the message, but if the shadowing is done properly no other child should be getting hit (or at least not often because kids telegraph what they are about to do and the shadow can grab his hand before he does it).
Apparently it has been going on a month and the other kid is getting hit and pushed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053
Schools tolerate this because it is quite normal for 3 year olds to go through a hitting phase. Not all kids do, but many do.
Talk to the teachers about what they are doing when disciplining. The thing that works best for a child who hits is to shadow him. They should have someone shadowing and stopping him from hitting or pushing. Then they should be explaining to him how to use words and how to use gentle hands. It usually takes a week or two before the child gets the message, but if the shadowing is done properly no other child should be getting hit (or at least not often because kids telegraph what they are about to do and the shadow can grab his hand before he does it).
Sidevent: why do schools tolerate this? If a preschooler is putting his hands on another child, in my mind, he has to go. Otherwise, how you can keep the non-offending child safe?
Expulsion from any school , private, public, pre, elementary, middle, and high is muddied by lots of red tape that must be gone through before a student can be officially expelled, and then the school has to figure out where they will go to complete their education beyond their expulsion. Then they have to consider the legal repercussions et al. In our paltry district, a pupil pretty much has to shoot up the school before they will remove them immediately, which is beyond nonsensical.
My daughter's nursery school teacher had an excellent technique to handle this. Make the misbehaving kid shadow the teacher, not the other way around. In other words, that kid has to tail the teacher all day, day after day, until he is ready to try short periods of independence, increased little by little until, if he doesn't hit again, he's free. If kid will not stay by teacher, then bring in parent and discuss other placements, such as town's special ed preschool for behavioral issues.
Schools tolerate this because it is quite normal for 3 year olds to go through a hitting phase. Not all kids do, but many do.
Talk to the teachers about what they are doing when disciplining. The thing that works best for a child who hits is to shadow him. They should have someone shadowing and stopping him from hitting or pushing. Then they should be explaining to him how to use words and how to use gentle hands. It usually takes a week or two before the child gets the message, but if the shadowing is done properly no other child should be getting hit (or at least not often because kids telegraph what they are about to do and the shadow can grab his hand before he does it).
I agree with this post. It seems like the school is reacting to the child who is hitting with the time-outs, but not trying to be proactive in preventing it from occurring in the first place. If it's been going on for a month, on a daily basis, that means simply reacting isn't enough.
If my child were being hit on a daily basis, I would be looking to the school's administration for an immediate change. Either in how they are handling the situation, or they need to get one of the two kids in a different class. I would not have my kid in an environment where he gets beaten on a daily basis.
That all being said, my own 3-year old hit and kicked a classmate in preschool just last week. I know it's not unusual, but it's still frustrating and embarrassing. But his teacher told me about it, I talked with him, and he seems to understand it's not ok. If he continued to do it on a regular basis, I would probably pull him from the school. It seems unlikely that the teacher would be unable to handle it, though. There are only 6 kids in the class and she's experienced - which leads me to wonder how many kids are in the OP's class and the training/experience level of the teachers.
Expulsion from any school , private, public, pre, elementary, middle, and high is muddied by lots of red tape that must be gone through before a student can be officially expelled, and then the school has to figure out where they will go to complete their education beyond their expulsion. Then they have to consider the legal repercussions et al. In our paltry district, a pupil pretty much has to shoot up the school before they will remove them immediately, which is beyond nonsensical.
This may vary based on where you are. I know a child who was in a private pre-K/childcare that had emotional issues causing sudden rare outbursts that sometimes involved threatening violence but never actually doing anything (or occasionally hitting themselves but never another child). At their recommendation an evaluation by the school district special education committee which confirmed that the child is extremely smart and there are no specific issues they could help with. Eventually they were suspended pending evaluation by a psychiatrist and after a month of counseling allowed back. The first few days were fine but the problems soon returned, the child was sent home almost daily, and the parents were eventually told that the facility would not be able to accommodate them for after school once Kindergarten started. According to the child's psychiatrist he had never heard of a child of that age being sent home for outbursts, even unpredictable ones making threats, that they are within the scope of what a normal facility should be able to handle. Also that the child seemed to be manipulating the situation and wanting to be sent home and they were giving in. Since then in the public school environment the child has been doing fine. So again, kids can be kicked out without all the red tape but I'm sure it varies (oh and the place in my story is one of those expensive ones with many company owned centers that normally has to go through the corporate office for the least little thing, yet somehow expelling a kid doesn't fall under that...I would have thought their legal department would have had them doing a lot more to document what attempts were made with the parents and having the parents sign off on things).
Back to the OP's question, I share that experience because I think it is ridiculous that your friend's child is having to go through with this. I agree with those that said this can be normal behavior, however allowing other children to be hurt over a month period is unacceptable. The school needs to be doing two things:
1) Find out if your friend's child is being singled out for being attacked. If so, something needs to be done to try to figure out why and help them learn to better stand up for themselves (not hitting back, but helping teach them more confidence in themselves as bullies go for the weakest most timid person in the group. Note: I am NOT saying that they deserve this, no one does, just that this may be an opportunity to help that child as well.
2) Regardless of the answer to #1, the parents need to sit down with the school formally and find out what they intend to do about this situation. The parents need to be firm that they will not allow their child to be harmed and that if the school refuses to do something that they will be taking their child elsewhere and be prepared to actually do so. Again, they have given this plenty of time for the teachers to try to resolve this situation and in the meantime the school is doing nothing to protect their child from harm. They should ask what has been told to the parents of the child who is doing this, if anything, and what they are being made to do to help resolve this. If it comes to a point where your friend does have to remove the child I would seriously recommend going to the state/county/local licensing agency and filing a report about this center. Again, I do understand this can be normal behavior but OTHER CHILDREN SHOULD STILL BE PROTECTED...they are failing to provide a safe environment and have been repeatedly doing so.
Good luck to them, I know it's hard to be firm but it has to be done. Also I know it can be very tough and time consuming to have to find a new facility if it comes to that and one hates to be pushed out but don't think of it as running away from a bully, think of it as protecting the child from teachers who are not stepping up.
I agree with this post. It seems like the school is reacting to the child who is hitting with the time-outs, but not trying to be proactive in preventing it from occurring in the first place. If it's been going on for a month, on a daily basis, that means simply reacting isn't enough.
If my child were being hit on a daily basis, I would be looking to the school's administration for an immediate change. Either in how they are handling the situation, or they need to get one of the two kids in a different class. I would not have my kid in an environment where he gets beaten on a daily basis.
That all being said, my own 3-year old hit and kicked a classmate in preschool just last week. I know it's not unusual, but it's still frustrating and embarrassing. But his teacher told me about it, I talked with him, and he seems to understand it's not ok. If he continued to do it on a regular basis, I would probably pull him from the school. It seems unlikely that the teacher would be unable to handle it, though. There are only 6 kids in the class and she's experienced - which leads me to wonder how many kids are in the OP's class and the training/experience level of the teachers.
My (2nd) wife's daughter was being abused at school so she took her kid to Karate classes and had the kid learn some self defense techniques which also boosted the kid's self esteem. After that, her child was no longer bullied by ANYONE, ANYWHERE!
My experience with school bullies was similar. Once I decided to stand up for my self and "handle" bullies, they no longer came after me like a moth to the light. My attitude alone kept those cowards away and I seldom had to use force.
IMO, self esteem, self worth, self respect and confidence is the best defense against serial bullies but how one HELPS a child develop these qualities is another question. I'd start with MODELING those qualities for my kids.
good luck,
jim
When I was a little there was a big attitude girl who was always made me mad with every way she can. I was more often hurt. And my father teach me professional fighting. I gave one shot her not to talk to me ever. Truly she did not even invite me for her wedding . I know it is not nice to teach kids to fight but now days I find kids need to know everything.
My daughter get always skin color attacks at school ugly sayings " you are ugly girl with brown skin with big butts" who is saying that a girl fat who eats 15 pan cakes in the age 4. I kept quiet and I put that out at annual teachers parents meeting in front of school inspectors since then no worries.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know it's not unusual, but it's still frustrating and embarrassing. But his teacher told me about it, I talked with him, and he seems to understand it's not ok. If he continued to do it on a regular basis, I would probably pull him from the school. It seems unlikely that the teacher would be unable to handle it, though. There are only 6 kids in the class and she's experienced - which leads me to wonder how many kids are in the OP's class and the training/experience level of the teachers.
