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Old 09-09-2014, 02:38 PM
 
13,975 posts, read 25,820,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
It annoys me when people say that step-parents shouldn't be involved in disciplining. You are an adult who lives in the same house with a child who is drinking under aged. It's just as much your responsibility to ensure she isn't drinking the household liquor or driving while intoxicated when she's drinking elsewhere. You have a right to speak up because her behavior is a legal liability to you because you and your wife jointly own assets and debts. You have a moral obligation to not sweep under aged drinking under the rug.

Take her car keys away and ground her from using the car for a month next time she's drunk!
Unless she's driving a car under the OP's name, I disagree. This girl has two parents in her life. it isn't fair to make a recent step-dad the disciplinarian.

OP, hopefully she's only a year away from going off to college?
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Old 09-09-2014, 02:38 PM
 
18,325 posts, read 18,902,171 times
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do the two of you have any interests in common? is there some activity you can do with her where you can bond? anything from cooking class to learning how to race cars, horseback riding, ice skating. just like a friendship it takes time to develop you have to find topic of conversations that you can talk about. movies, fashion, politics, animals. make friends with her.

I can understand you not wanting to disciple her and she really is at an age where she is almost an adult. you don't have to be the bad guy but you can have a conversation with her when she screws up that can explain why her choice was wrong. best of luck
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Old 09-09-2014, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Sudcaroland
10,662 posts, read 9,277,786 times
Reputation: 32009
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4thBeastieBoy View Post
As wussy and spineless as it sounds, I sweep it under the rug so I stay neutral with her on the " like him/don't like him" scale. The last thing I want is for her to label me a snitch or something
Having an adult conversation about drinking won't make you the bad guy.
But from what you are saying it seems you are afraid of not being liked - but this is not the point of parenting or stepparenting. Forget about being liked, be firm about the boundaries she needs as fas as her drinking issue is concerned.
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Old 09-09-2014, 02:59 PM
 
1,834 posts, read 2,680,846 times
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Sorry but this is way too hot for you to be involved. There is just no way whatever you do will be successful. Play cool and be glad she will soon be on her way out. The kid is a marriage poison pill.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:13 PM
 
Location: New York, New York
11 posts, read 11,734 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Unless she's driving a car under the OP's name, I disagree. This girl has two parents in her life. it isn't fair to make a recent step-dad the disciplinarian.

OP, hopefully she's only a year away from going off to college?
She's a junior so she's got this year and next year
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:15 PM
 
Location: New York, New York
11 posts, read 11,734 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
do the two of you have any interests in common? is there some activity you can do with her where you can bond? anything from cooking class to learning how to race cars, horseback riding, ice skating. just like a friendship it takes time to develop you have to find topic of conversations that you can talk about. movies, fashion, politics, animals. make friends with her.

I can understand you not wanting to disciple her and she really is at an age where she is almost an adult. you don't have to be the bad guy but you can have a conversation with her when she screws up that can explain why her choice was wrong. best of luck

we do have similar music interests, but that's it
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:24 PM
 
Location: New York, New York
11 posts, read 11,734 times
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She's also figured out she can guilt trip her mom into doing things. All she has to do is say " but Mom" throw in some sad eyes and bring up the divorce and her wish is granted.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:49 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,605,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The4thBeastieBoy View Post
As wussy and spineless as it sounds, I sweep it under the rug so I stay neutral with her on the " like him/don't like him" scale. The last thing I want is for her to label me a snitch or something
News flash: She doesn't like you. The household already has one teenager. It doesn't need another one. Adults don't worry about snitching when people are breaking the law.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Unless she's driving a car under the OP's name, I disagree.
There are other circumstances that can create liability for step parents. The car insurance is in my name even for cars that aren't in my name. If they own a house, that's a huge asset that's at risk if the step daughter kills someone while drunk driving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
This girl has two parents in her life. it isn't fair to make a recent step-dad the disciplinarian.
Life isn't fair. It's a fact of life that we follow the rules of others and suffer the consequences when we don't. That's why we have laws, courts and jails. When she goes off to college, she'll have to obey dorm rules, and there will be consequences when she doesn't. Living with a step-parent is similar in this regard. Step parents shouldn't be castrated from having authority in their own households, especially when children are breaking the law.
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Old 09-09-2014, 04:16 PM
 
137 posts, read 270,841 times
Reputation: 174
She's almost an adult. You should not be disciplining her.

If her parents haven't learned how to do that by now, I feel badly for them. Making you the disciplinarian of an almost adult is going to cause problems, and hurt any relationship you will have with her (which probably won't be a parental one, by the way).
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Old 09-09-2014, 04:18 PM
 
137 posts, read 270,841 times
Reputation: 174
You should, however, tell your wife what you will and won't tolerate in your own home, and make sure stepdaughter knows this as well.
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