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Old 09-13-2014, 03:04 PM
 
416 posts, read 256,125 times
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I work in the foster care industry and I applaud you for wanting to take in teenagers.
However, you do have to be extremely careful. As a previous poster stated most are not grateful for what you are giving them. The teens I see everyday in the system have severe behavioral issues and are very difficult to care for. Destroying property, physically agressive and worse! I think working with aged out teens would be better because they would have a choice to be there and they would know what it is like having no one on their side. The ones that are put in your home becasue they are wards of the state are very resentful of foster care and foster parents and haven't figured out what aged out teens have.
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Old 09-13-2014, 03:08 PM
 
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I have to say, any kid you foster would be very fortunate. I say go for it! It sounds like you have the right balance of caring, nurturing and allowing them the independence they need. I hope that you do it! And, I would rally encourage you to start a blog, I'd love to follow you and keep up with how things go.
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Old 09-14-2014, 08:10 AM
 
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Yep, I applaud you, too. If you could see yourself working with aged-out foster kids, I would encourage you to do that. In any case, good luck. There should be more people like you!
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Old 09-14-2014, 05:01 PM
 
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Be careful. My in-laws have been foster parents for years, and let me say you need to have a VERY strong constitution to deal with these kids. My MIL had one girl who tried to choke her, another who made false allegations of sexual abuse, a boy who invited gang members over to the house when my in-laws weren't there and another kid who stole. My husband has been left with such a negative impression over the years that he won't even consider adoption when it comes time for us to have kids.

Think about how hard it was to raise your bio children. Now multiply that by a thousand and that's what it's going to be like to foster teenagers who have been cycling through the social service system their whole lives.
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Old 09-15-2014, 03:05 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,908,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoFigureMeOut View Post
Be careful. My in-laws have been foster parents for years, and let me say you need to have a VERY strong constitution to deal with these kids. My MIL had one girl who tried to choke her, another who made false allegations of sexual abuse, a boy who invited gang members over to the house when my in-laws weren't there and another kid who stole. My husband has been left with such a negative impression over the years that he won't even consider adoption when it comes time for us to have kids.

Think about how hard it was to raise your bio children. Now multiply that by a thousand and that's what it's going to be like to foster teenagers who have been cycling through the social service system their whole lives.
Hopes, all I can say is take everyone's advice with a grain of salt!

Such a horrible experience that they still foster? No doubt they still get paid too .
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Old 09-15-2014, 03:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I can't imagine how foster parents can put children on the street after they turn 18.
One reason is that they never saw them as their children. Another is behavioral issues, and more often, it's financial - the money stops.

I'm glad you researched resources. This is the key to help you succeed, along with a support network.

Look, you're a wise person. You've been around the block a few times. I know you know these teens will have issues ranging from mild to severe. The resources are there. Use them! But please know you will be providing a much needed service to teens and young adults whom society has forgotten.

They may hate you or not appreciate what you have to offer, but honestly, how many teens or young adults show appreciation when given structure and stability when they feel they don't need it? Even in biological homes. At least with foster teens you know they very well have good reasons for their behavior and issues.

I could not do this...I'm always in awe of people who can and do! Keep us posted...
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Old 09-15-2014, 10:01 AM
 
894 posts, read 797,888 times
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Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
Hopes, all I can say is take everyone's advice with a grain of salt!

Such a horrible experience that they still foster? No doubt they still get paid too .
Yeah, take everyone's advice with a grain of salt and go into it with some fantasy of helping poor orphaned kids and the work being it's own reward.

I'm not telling the woman not to do it, I'm telling her not to go into it with blinders thinking these kids are going to be little angels once they're given stability and love. My in-laws have had their share of good kids, but the bad ones can do some serious damage if you're not careful. The point I was trying to make is that she needs to look at both sides of the coin before she makes the decision to foster.
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Old 09-15-2014, 12:31 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,908,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoFigureMeOut View Post
Yeah, take everyone's advice with a grain of salt and go into it with some fantasy of helping poor orphaned kids and the work being it's own reward.

I'm not telling the woman not to do it, I'm telling her not to go into it with blinders thinking these kids are going to be little angels once they're given stability and love. My in-laws have had their share of good kids, but the bad ones can do some serious damage if you're not careful. The point I was trying to make is that she needs to look at both sides of the coin before she makes the decision to foster.
Which is exactly what she's doing. Re-read her OP. Thanks.
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Old 09-15-2014, 12:48 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,722,316 times
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Moderator Cut

I think it's good to hear from people who've some experience (even if through a family member).

The OP may realize these the negative aspects in theory, but seeing as it's possible to suffer serious devastating consequences - going into the process eyes wide open cannot hurt one bit.

Last edited by Jaded; 09-15-2014 at 10:44 PM.. Reason: Please don't attempt to moderate.
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Old 09-17-2014, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,378,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I like the idea of children who aged out of the system too. That's one of the reasons I wanted to foster teens. They wouldn't need to age out of our house since we don't view it as a financial burden to have a few extra people living in the house. They would be welcome to stay after they turned 18 while going to school, etc.. We could have the same impact by figuring out a way to help aged out children. I can't imagine how foster parents can put children on the street after they turn 18.

I've done some research since reading Marlow's post. I found a couple of organizations for aged out children I can contact. I plan to talk to two of my neighbors. One is the director of foster care for our county. The other is a case worker who is a foster parent. She has a 7 bedroom house and it's filled with kids. For years, we referred to her family as "The Catholics" because we thought they were all her children.

I appreciate everyone's posts and ideas! Thank you so much!
Take me in?
Im not kidding everyone you've taken in has been successful. I want to be successful too.
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