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Old 09-10-2014, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 1,932,481 times
Reputation: 1099

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Let me start off by saying my child is her mothers daughter, smart but STUBBORN! Side note, she also had ADHD which is only relevant for impulse control. She's in third grade and has been coming home with a decent amount of homework.

1) Read for 30 min
2)write about what you've read
3)Match worksheet
4) Answer 1 reading question a night based on a set questionnaire in columns of fiction or non-fiction.
5) Study spelling words for the week

We are two and a half weeks in, and last night was the first night she told me that there was a composition book to write about what she read. She previously did it on a loose sheet of paper. When she showed me the book, she was missing three that should have been in there. When I asked where they were, she started trying to explain herself in a sassy way, but it wasn't making any sense. Then she told me she is asked to write in the reading book, but then ALSO write on a loose leaf paper to turn in. Does that make sense?

In addition I asked how her math test went and she told me she got a B+. She said she would have gotten an A but she showed her work the long way. I asked what she meant and she said well I wrote 72-200 each one. I repeated that sentence in question form and she said "NO!" I asked what that meant and she starts hitting her hand to her forehead, like I'm not getting it. I asked her to write it down so I could understand. She kept telling me she didn't need to. She said she was trying to be "more smarter so she did something else". This was familiar because the night before when doing her reading portion,she had written a "lesson learned" under what was requested and I didn't correct her because I thought the teacher might. I tried to use this as my intro to simply do as instructed to not lose points and she begins doing the hand to forehead thing. She tells me to let her do it because she already knows how!!

I ended up writing a small note in the agenda to the teacher to clarify what she meant on the test.

She enjoys homework but this kid had always gone to the beat of her own drum. I cannot say anything without it being taken as criticism. No matter how friendly, kind or helpful I'm being.

Do I just let her do it wrong and let the teacher correct it? Or, do I continue and just take the beating of her verbal nonsense? She in punished but it never stops the future disrespect. She is 9 going on 13.

Thanks in advance.
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Old 09-10-2014, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,365 posts, read 37,985,549 times
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Sometimes kids feel nervous if they haven't done something they're supposed to or if they are unsure of the assignment, so they may respond belligerently as a defense mechanism and a way of letting those feelings out.

HOWEVER ...

Her replies to you were very disrespectful.

She should be able to answer simple questions you ask her about assignments without insulting gestures etc.

At a time when she is NOT in the middle of homework, talk to her about appropriate ways to respond. I am betting she would not reply to her teacher that way, and she should not do it to you. Let that talk be a warning, and tell her that if she does it again, there will be consequences.

You and dad don't talk to her in that sassy way, do you? Sometimes they get what they give.

Also, do not micromanage her homework. My advice is to check what the teacher sends home to be checked, but let the teacher address question-by-question issues.

Email the teacher to let her know about your concerns that your daughter is trying her own workarounds. Conference time should be coming up in the next month anyway, right?

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 09-10-2014 at 11:22 AM..
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Old 09-10-2014, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 1,932,481 times
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Yes, conference time will be next month. I could certainly tell she was bothered but not necessarily nervous. That is a typical behavior though. Her impulse level and patience are short and uncontrolled sometimes. I will try to manage it less, but things like not writing the name on the top of the paper.. should be addressed by the teacher right? I tried to correct this day 1 and 2 of school and she said "The teacher didn't say that!" When i asked where the teacher said to write it, she said "she didn't."

No, neither parent speaks to her in a disrespectful way. Of course we get frustrated sometimes but I always take a deep breath and try from a fresh perspective, even when she is talking this way. No she does not speak to her teachers that way. That's an issue that's been brought up before. She takes karate and is a purple belt and would never consider speaking to her instructors that way, and since I know the respect she is capable of, I expect it.

She was grounded just before school started for 10 days due to this type of behavior and magically, when she had no privileges other than reading she was an angel. She'd get herself in check when she did step out of line, etc. For the most part I saw that continued behavior except during homework time and the occasional moment that her judgement lapsed and she would turn back into that 13 year old I mentioned above.

I am super self aware as we've had our fair share of struggles with our strong willed girl so I try to ensure I set good examples. My husband is less tolerant of her disrespect and its a good balance between knowing when to understand the frustration and when to put consequences into action.
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Old 09-10-2014, 12:32 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,873 posts, read 19,002,407 times
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I think emailing the teacher is the best solution. Get a clear understanding of the assignments. Let your daughter see that you and the teacher are communicating.

I don't allow my kids to talk to me with a rude attitude. If they do it, they get to go out in the back yard and pick up all the dog poop. If you don't have a dog, think of some other unpleasant chore to use as a punishment. We've gotten to the point where I will ask my kids if they can smell that dog poo already, at the first hint of rudeness. I do encourage my kids to express their feelings about things and to let me know if they're not happy with something, but I want them to express it in a polite way.
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Old 09-10-2014, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 1,932,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I think emailing the teacher is the best solution. Get a clear understanding of the assignments. Let your daughter see that you and the teacher are communicating.

I don't allow my kids to talk to me with a rude attitude. If they do it, they get to go out in the back yard and pick up all the dog poop. If you don't have a dog, think of some other unpleasant chore to use as a punishment. We've gotten to the point where I will ask my kids if they can smell that dog poo already, at the first hint of rudeness. I do encourage my kids to express their feelings about things and to let me know if they're not happy with something, but I want them to express it in a polite way.

I literally just LOL'd at this. We have 3 large dogs and that is the utmost consequence of her disrespect. She hates loosing electronics and TV time but that one sets a tone, for sure!
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Old 09-10-2014, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,515 posts, read 3,798,007 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLShorty4lyfe View Post

Do I just let her do it wrong and let the teacher correct it? Or, do I continue and just take the beating of her verbal nonsense? She in punished but it never stops the future disrespect. She is 9 going on 13.

Thanks in advance.
Three things:

1. It's her homework. Unless you are required to sign something or call out spelling words, etc., leave her to it until the first grading period and you can see her grades. Then adjust accordingly. Hint: Flunking a grading period in 3rd grade is not going to affect her getting into Harvard, ok? :-) This is the time to fail -- to learn how to fail, and to learn how to turn it around -- without the long-term consequences.

2. That smart mouth would not last long in my house. When you ask a question respectfully, then it deserves a respectful response, without the dramatics and sass. Bad manners reaps consequences. Good manners reap rewards.

3. She's not 9 going on 13. She's 9 with an attitude. Big difference. Don't give her credit for being any more mature than 9 years old.
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Old 09-10-2014, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 1,932,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga View Post
Three things:

1. It's her homework. Unless you are required to sign something or call out spelling words, etc., leave her to it until the first grading period and you can see her grades. Then adjust accordingly. Hint: Flunking a grading period in 3rd grade is not going to affect her getting into Harvard, ok? :-) This is the time to fail -- to learn how to fail, and to learn how to turn it around -- without the long-term consequences.

2. That smart mouth would not last long in my house. When you ask a question respectfully, then it deserves a respectful response, without the dramatics and sass. Bad manners reaps consequences. Good manners reap rewards.

3. She's not 9 going on 13. She's 9 with an attitude. Big difference. Don't give her credit for being any more mature than 9 years old.
1. Thank you for that perspective. Half of me felt that way to begin with, and the other half of me comes from a family of teachers. I am NOT the teacher type but its ingrained in me. I will back off that.

2. AGREED! She is rewarded handsomely for good, respectful behavior. On the other hand, she does spend quite a bit of time reaping the consequences of her mouth.

3. Thank you for this, too. She acts mature for any age, possibly because she's an only child but my saying "You are nine years old and have no right to speak to your parents that way" is different than showing her, hey you're 9, it doesn't really matter what you think about what im saying right now.

I was not very studious, yet she loves school. I did not excel until I reached college and now, I am always striving to do my best and I think I keep wanting to instill that into her. But like I said, her drum beats differently in a lot of aspects. I hope the teacher will work with me to instill what she needs to succeed this year. It would be much better received from the teacher than myself. Something I just have to accept. But not the attitude. It just boils my blood.
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Old 09-10-2014, 03:27 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,238,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Also, do not micromanage her homework. My advice is to check what the teacher sends home to be checked, but let the teacher address question-by-question issues.
This is what I was thinking while I was reading the OP. Her daughter enjoys doing homework. That's awesome. She could jeopardize that by micromanaging. I never checked my children's work for correctness. I only checked to make sure the work was done.
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Old 09-10-2014, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 1,932,481 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
This is what I was thinking while I was reading the OP. Her daughter enjoys doing homework. That's awesome. She could jeopardize that by micromanaging. I never checked my children's work for correctness. I only checked to make sure the work was done.

Really? I guess I could try that. Doesn't that go against all the people constantly saying it isn't the teachers job to help your child succeed, its the parents? If she doesnt understand it, but I never check that, won't she just continue to get it wrong?

I may have a micromanaging problem. It comes with the territory of ADHD (in my experience) only because otherwise your child could end up harming themselves or doing something really bad unintentionally (not homework related) but I've preprogrammed myself to micromanage some things. Not what I wanted to do, it was like survival of the fittest as she was growing up. To avoid the major messes and trips to the ER I stayed on top of things. I hear you loud and clear.
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Old 09-10-2014, 03:39 PM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,129,398 times
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I am a teacher and I let my child do most of her homework independently, unless she needs support. I do check over it, and I help her fix the glaring errors.

As a teacher, I know kids only listen to half of what the teacher says about anything. That's why your daughter is confused about the paper vs notebook argument. No teacher wants double work.
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