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Hopefully he will see the good things about different ages and enjoy them and not just be sad about the past moments. But things could be worse.
My husband couldn't wait for our kids to grow up. He didn't "get" babies and little kids so much. He did like the company when he went out to do grown up things like concerts and whatnot. He was especially excited about them being 21 so they could drink. THAT attitude came with it's own problems....
Who said anything about wanting to keep the kids helpless and dependent? He just misses the days when they were little girls. I know I'll feel the same way when my 3-year-old is a young woman.
The only option to being unhappy that a child is growing up ( shock is what the OP said. ... not just that the father misses having small kids around) is to keep the dependant and helpless.
Kids grow up...fact of life.... and it's a real shame when parents are unhappy about it. They are not only hurting their own children but missing out on so much themselves.
This is a kind of Codependency thing where his good feelings are tied to having the kids boost his ego. So with them leaving and taking away those good feelings, he is left empty handed since he does not know how to fill him self up and obviously is not letting you fill him up. IMO, he needs to study up on Self Esteem methods to fill him self up rather than helplessly depend on others to fill him up. He is simply suffering with INADEQUATE self esteem/worth/respect and has no idea how to feel good on his own.
jim
The only option to being unhappy that a child is growing up ( shock is what the OP said. ... not just that the father misses having small kids around) is to keep the dependant and helpless.
No, that's not the only parenting option.
It's perfectly normal to feel sad or unhappy about children growing up. With age comes more independence, but also more opportunity for things to go wrong. A good parent worries about their kids well being... and ensuring their well being gets harder and harder as kids get older. It's easy to protect them when they are little and the biggest concern is if they touch something too hot or bump their head.
When kids grow up, you worry about all the "real world" problems that can befall them... A car wreck when they start driving, bad breakups when they start dating and they think its the end of the world, bullying, underage sex and the consequences that go along with that... It's not easy to navigate through all that, especially when you're not physically present for these things. That's why MOST parents say they wish their kids would slow down growing up.
I often miss my babies, but my children simply are not babies anymore, so the babies that I miss really don't even exist anymore. They are just wonderful memories. Similarly, I often miss my toddlers, my preschoolers, my third-graders, my sixth-graders, and so forth. But, as with my babies, none of them really exist anymore.
My three kids are 18, 18 and 16. Next June, my oldest two will graduate and be off to college. And I'll miss my high school seniors. But that will be tempered by the understanding that what I miss no longer exists. In their place will be young adults that have just launched themselves off into the world.
And ultimately, I'd much rather that they continue life's journey than to remain static.
That's how I temper my wistfulness for days gone by - with the understanding that it's better to go forward than to stay stuck in one place.
Besides, I also know that I'll get to start over with babies as a grandparent sometime within the next ten years...
It is a sad time of life. My girls are 13, 15, and 17, and my son is 9. I'm trying to squeeze that last bit of childhood out with my son. My daughters are already at the stage where they'd rather be holed up in their rooms chatting with their friends.
My husband had a hard time, too. I remember for years he kept serving up these toddlers portion sizes for dinner, I was like dude, the kid is 11! She needs more than 2 tablespoons of food for dinner lolololol
I was extremely close to my 3 nieces... my sister in law had cancer and all that goes with it with 3 young girls... ages 6 months, 2 and 4 years old...
We really did a lot together... anything from the first day of school to kids birthday parties to extended sleepovers when their Mom was going through Chemo and Radiation after her several surgeries...
Happy to say her cancer has been in remission for 8 years and those girls are still the sweetest sisters I have even known... they look out for each other and help each other and put up a fuss when the older one was to get a bedroom of her own...
We still enjoy time together on a hit of miss basis... they are just so busy with school and several year round competitive sports and when they do have down time they travel as a family... Dad said every minute is precious having lived through the black days of cancer...
I often wonder if they will remember the almost two years we were together when they are older... I know I will...
Why not learn to embrace the fun and good things to come. I love watching my daughter grow and experience life. I don't want to deny her that ever.
Honestly why do some patents want to keep their kids helpless and dependant?
How on earth did you get to there from the OP? Watching your kids grow up is a bittersweet experience. In no way does that mean one wants to keep children helpless and dependent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich
Because the parent is childish and NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDY!
jim
Gah...the know-it-alls in the parenting forums make me crazy. Mom says Dad is sad in anticipation of his daughters leaving the nest -- a very normal thing, btw -- and suddenly he is childish and needy. Please! If anything, it's the sign of a loving and devoted father. It's possible to be both happy and sad at seeing your children grow up, thus the term bittersweet to describe these years.
Last edited by randomparent; 09-13-2014 at 11:38 AM..
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