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Old 12-26-2007, 08:15 PM
 
1 posts, read 11,044 times
Reputation: 12

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Hi I'm brand new here. I stumbled on this site searching for answers as to why my sweet, very well behaved little boy has started lying. He is in 3rd grade at a Christian school and everyone is always raving about what a good child he is. He is so polite and sweet and tender hearted. He has such a wonderful disposition. Last week I got a letter from the principal at school. I had written a note to the teacher the previous week about his grades slightly dropping and she wrote me back but my son stuck it in the back of his notebook and when I saw the teacher, we discovered it had been put in the back and "hidden". She let that go but the next week she had one spelling paper turned in w/out a name and my son and his friend were both missing papers. To make a long story short, my son claimed it as his knowing that he had never done his. Then he goes to his desk and tears out the uncompleted pages from his spelling book so she would not find out. He was sent to the pricipal for lying. She wrote a letter home for me to sign and I found it in the back of my car, where my son had been reading it on the way home (I asked what he was reading and he said he was studying). We had a long discussion and I spoke w/ the teacher on the phone and she thinks it's a BIG red flag when, in her words, a child w/ good behavior like his tells a lie like this. 7 months ago I had my 3rd child and I went back to work 2 days a week in August. He has been staying w/ a classmate and his mom and older bro after school and she takes them to school. My 4 yr old cries not wanting to go over there and my son doesn't want to either. He says the older kid calls them name and I have seen the boy my sons age lie to his mom about school work so many times and she believes every word he says. My son sees this and I am wondering if he thought he could get away w/ it as well. Does anyone know if this is normal? Should I worry about him? I have made arrangements for another sitter and don't know how I will tell my friend. Any suggestions?
Thanks!
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Old 12-26-2007, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Chicago
2,467 posts, read 11,118,164 times
Reputation: 851
Lying is normal. Kids find out that they will get in trouble if there mom finds whatever out, so they try to lie to get away with stuff. If they find out that doesn't work (and has very severe consequences, more than just admitting the truth) they will stop
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Old 12-27-2007, 01:07 AM
 
Location: The mountians of Northern California.
1,354 posts, read 5,625,993 times
Reputation: 1270
If both your kids don't want to be at the sitter's house and your son is picking up bad behaviors, then moving them is a good option.
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Old 12-27-2007, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Eastern PA
1,263 posts, read 4,284,220 times
Reputation: 1154
I employ a "natural consequences" kind of discipline, so in this case (my children also go to Christian school) I would set up a behavior chart with the teacher and your son can take it back and forth, with both you and the teacher noting his behaviors on there and signing it so you know it has reached its destination. Explain to him that this level of supervision will not be necessary when he starts being truthful again. You can include things like grades on the chart if you need to so that you can keep closer tabs on whether or not his grades are OK or falling.

Your whole family has recently been through a huge transition with the birth of their sibling plus mom going back to work a little, and it can take some time for the "bugs" to work out, KWIM?

I also believe you are 100% on the right track with changing sitters. Good Luck!
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Old 12-27-2007, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Mott Haven
2,978 posts, read 3,104,723 times
Reputation: 209
He started lying at 8 years old? What took him so long! Consider yourself lucky! I dont see the problem yet??? If the post was "8 years old and wants to drop out of school" I would see the problem. Lying? He is a human being right?

I would like to know when the poster started lying? I suspect it was long before 8 years old...did you make it through life reasonably well? Probably lived a much better life than if you had never lied at all...or started lying at 22 years old! Good grief leave this kid alone..he started lying at 8...and he will likely talk back to you at 12, and masturbate at 13, and have some sort of alcoholic drink in HS. I believe thats called life.

I would be blessed if that was the problem that drove me to a message board for help. This whole thread is utterly preoposterous...worry about him? You must also worry when your husband arrives 1 minute late from work, or when your chicken is not cooked exactly to 165 degrees. Lol.
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Old 12-28-2007, 09:00 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
If everyone raves about what a good child he is, he may be feeling pressure to be perfect. When he's not perfect, he may try to lie to cover up his faults. You might try having a talk with him and remind him that no one is perfect and everyone is allowed to make mistakes, forget things, have a bad day, etc. It's not a big deal and you just try to do better the next day. Also, make sure you don't have unrealistic expectations of him.

It does sound like your day care situation needs some work, if neither of your kids want to go over there. Good luck with all of it.
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Old 12-28-2007, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Mott Haven
2,978 posts, read 3,104,723 times
Reputation: 209
Agreed Marlow..talk with you kid...tell him its not okay and move on!
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Old 01-02-2008, 08:52 PM
 
14 posts, read 69,454 times
Reputation: 23
Default Reformed Child Liar!

I was a liar as a kid. Part of my lying was human nature (sin). Another part I understand now was that I lied because lying was easier than the truth. I also lied because I was living in a somewhat stressful home situation where I did not have anyone I could talk to. Despite my being a good kid with a lot of talent and potential it seemed that I would get myself into these fixes (like your sons) that I had to try to extricate myself from. It was often like one of those 30 minute sitcoms where the kid does something stupid... The difference was that my parents did not hug and forgive me with a suitable punishment (applause, credits roll). I got the sighs which meant you are a hopeless disappointing child and groundings that soured our home life and the classic - We can't trust you anymore. I felt terrible and always had an underlying feeling that I was never good enough. This is not a good feeling to have as a child.

Now I'm a grownup that turned out well! I'm a wife and mother. Despite my shaky start I consider myself to be a person of integrity and character! I teach young people and see many of them being estranged from their parents because they are not allowed to make mistakes and be imperfect.

Can your son come to you with ANYTHING or is it more advantegous for him to keep things from you? Can he talk to you? Is it ok if he is a stinky, messy, screwed up, failure? Well you still love him? Will you have his back? Do you hug him every single day and tell him you are blessed because he is your son? If you do then he will make it and be fine. Unfortunately he will still lie but it will be less of a tragedy and you guys will work as a team - forgiving each other for being human.

You will both be in my prayers. Peace.
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