U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 09-14-2014, 02:05 PM
 
3,153 posts, read 2,858,654 times
Reputation: 8670

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eris2011 View Post
Hello - I am a very new member of this forum and hope to get constructive feedback on a dilemma my husband and I have been having. He has a DD and I have a DD - mine is gay and 16 and has a wonderful girlfriend. My husband's DD is 12 and he does not want her to be exposed to gay teen sleeping together as that might give her a message she would hook up with a boy in high school and then possibly get pregnant. I say to him my DD has been open and upfront and asked if it was okay for her and her girlfriend to sleep over whenever her girlfriend comes to visit (she lives in another state, about an hour and half away). I told my husband he needs to sit down and talk with his DD about all of this and it has been sending mixed messages to my DD and her girlfriend. My DD and her girlfriend behave very appropriately and use her bedroom in privacy at night, but my husband fears this is sending a message to his DD it is okay to sleep around. Any feedback? Thanks.
16 is too young for having sex in your room with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Gay or straight doesn't matter. It's just not acceptable.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-14-2014, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,255 posts, read 37,853,277 times
Reputation: 74029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eris2011 View Post
THANK YOU all for your feedbacks - much appreciated. I will sit down with my DD and have a serious talk with her. I am all for protecting my step DD - my husband does like my DD's girlfriend, she is very nice and admits they behave appropriately just that at night when people go to bed is another story. Yes her mother (father passed away not too long ago) knows all about their relationship. They take turns visiting one another a couple of times each month because of the distance.
I have a question, OP:

Did you know your daughter was gay when her friend started visiting and staying with you, or did you think they were friends and she came out after the fact?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2014, 08:11 PM
 
Location: 60630
11,666 posts, read 17,085,369 times
Reputation: 10654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeurch View Post
you drop your own daughter in a danger as well that poor kid from your husband. How old is the other girl? As I feel this intimate relationship of your daughter is not a new thing ,other wise how come you know that they behave appropriate in their bed room. Behaving appropriate or being straight or gay is not the issue. She Thatis still a child. And let child to be child get some education. Go to college live on her own and do what ever she wants. What you know about this girl friend any way? Same age? Do their parents know that they have intimate relationship at your house?

The fear of your husband is logical. And he is right. He is not the one who should sit down with his daughter as you say, you and your daughter! God Bless your child.
Wow, rude much? Judgmental? Yes!


To the OP,
I'm sure you are a great mom and I love that you are open minded about your daughter. Just like so many already have pointed out, sharing bedroom with her partner at the age of 16 is not the best idea when there also is a younger sister in the house. That's all we are saying.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2014, 08:16 PM
 
6,308 posts, read 4,783,732 times
Reputation: 8437
On my own, I would probably permit it. I can make my own decisions as a parent and am not responsible for protecting everyone else in the world from the possibility of being offended or influenced. However, if my wife had a daughter (not my own daughter) and felt strongly the other way, I would respect her point of view.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2014, 09:41 PM
 
11 posts, read 8,756 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I have a question, OP:

Did you know your daughter was gay when her friend started visiting and staying with you, or did you think they were friends and she came out after the fact?
My daughter came up to me last spring asking me if we could talk as she had something very important to tell me about herself. That was how I found out. Her girlfriend and she knew each other when they were in middle school, but they were friends then.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2014, 09:53 PM
 
11 posts, read 8,756 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Wow, rude much? Judgmental? Yes!


To the OP,
I'm sure you are a great mom and I love that you are open minded about your daughter. Just like so many already have pointed out, sharing bedroom with her partner at the age of 16 is not the best idea when there also is a younger sister in the house. That's all we are saying.
Thank you - I did have a serious talk with my DD and my husband present, just the three of us while my husband's DD was at her friend's. My DD understands now - whenever her girlfriend comes to visit, we will put her girlfriend at my friend's home which is nearby for sleeping over - my friend is fine with it. That is the best solution we all could come up with as long as there is a younger child in our house. I also advised my husband for he and I to talk with his DD for when the time comes about sex when she is a full fledged teenager! I told my DD my husband's concern for his DD (and me as well, yes in spite of my being okay with my daughter being gay) needed to be respected.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-15-2014, 01:45 AM
 
4,750 posts, read 3,324,586 times
Reputation: 4919
So, you're okay with them being intimate? I doubt that you would feel the same way if your DD was straight.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-15-2014, 04:19 AM
 
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,140 posts, read 3,967,754 times
Reputation: 11070
My sons were 'entertaining' six blondes at once, by the time they were fifteen and sixteen. But that was happening in the poolhouse, and I pretended to ignore it. Because by the time they made it into the kitchen for their pastry-making breaks (the dough has to rest between foldings), they'd all donned swimwear. And as far as I (officially) knew, they were having pool parties and giving pastry-making lessons to those nice girls who somehow got through the gates without me noticing (they were crawling over the wall...).

But I would not have allowed girls to sleep over (they did... but it wasn't ALLOWED). You get my drift?

Now that they're grownups, I can come downstairs and find six blondes at the breakfast table, and everything is fine... Things in this all-adult household can remain casual and permissive, until Dear Daughter's expected baby is old enough observe. At that point, we aren't going to be confusing baby with her uncles' harem. Proper rules of decorum and seemliness will be reinstated in the interests of maintaining childhood innocence for the grandchild(ren).

So no: I don't think that any open sleeping-around needs to be happening, regardless of orientation, when there are minors in the household. It is a gift to your children that they be allowed to grow up in a home where there are standards of normalcy.

I will add that while I officially ignored our sons' precocious and overabundant sex lives, I made it clear that cigs, booze, and drugs were completely unthinkable, and could result in permanent banishment from the family. And it would have been different, had my sons tried to bring girls into the house who were not up to 'marrying standards' (which is why you drill those standards into them while they're still tiny) You can only pretend to ignore so much.

Maybe the room shared by DD and her lover could have TWIN BEDS? It's all about appearances and decorum while minors are in the household...

Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 09-15-2014 at 04:54 AM..
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-15-2014, 04:35 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,290 posts, read 49,892,285 times
Reputation: 67171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eris2011 View Post
Hello - I am a very new member of this forum and hope to get constructive feedback on a dilemma my husband and I have been having. He has a DD and I have a DD - mine is gay and 16 and has a wonderful girlfriend. My husband's DD is 12 and he does not want her to be exposed to gay teen sleeping together as that might give her a message she would hook up with a boy in high school and then possibly get pregnant. I say to him my DD has been open and upfront and asked if it was okay for her and her girlfriend to sleep over whenever her girlfriend comes to visit (she lives in another state, about an hour and half away). I told my husband he needs to sit down and talk with his DD about all of this and it has been sending mixed messages to my DD and her girlfriend. My DD and her girlfriend behave very appropriately and use her bedroom in privacy at night, but my husband fears this is sending a message to his DD it is okay to sleep around. Any feedback? Thanks.
Why the heck would you let your SIXTEEN YEAR OLD gay daughter sleep with her gf??!!!
I agree with your husband.
That sends a TERRIBLE message.

You are going to let your other daughter sleep with her boyfriends, too?!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-15-2014, 05:14 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,889,152 times
Reputation: 4257
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Why the heck would you let your SIXTEEN YEAR OLD gay daughter sleep with her gf??!!!
I agree with your husband.
That sends a TERRIBLE message.

You are going to let your other daughter sleep with her boyfriends, too?!
That was I was thinking too. My father would cut me in pieces if I tried to do that in my 16 oh boy.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top