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Old 09-16-2014, 04:08 PM
 
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pretty proud of myself. Last night, when he gt out of bed and tried to catch some late night TV, I picked him up and put him right back to bed.
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Old 09-16-2014, 04:22 PM
 
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Try and remember who the adult is here. You tell him what to do, not the other way around. He's gotten his way for so long, now when you do lay down the law, he aint gonna be happy. For your own safety, he has to learn NOW. Before he turns 16 and rules your life. That will not be good.
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Old 09-16-2014, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Whidbey Island, WA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
pretty proud of myself. Last night, when he gt out of bed and tried to catch some late night TV, I picked him up and put him right back to bed.
Everybody knows that strict parents have successful kids. Kids need to know where they stand. Be firm and be consistent. Are you planning to take the suggestions and parent trainings some have suggested here?
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Old 09-16-2014, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Colorado
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Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
pretty proud of myself. Last night, when he gt out of bed and tried to catch some late night TV, I picked him up and put him right back to bed.
Good for you!!

Keep it up. I know my post before was kinda harsh, but on the bright side, I really truly do think there is hope for you yet...just the fact that you're thinking about this and kinda aware that there's a problem, is something. Many parents are very much in denial.

Just remember...calm, consistent, and in control.

Also, the more effort you put into it in the earlier years, the less misery you'll be in for later. It WILL get easier as the years go by, but you have to establish your authority and stay on top of the pecking order. And even if he's not happy with it as a kid, he will thank you as an adult...and it's a good thing when your successful and well adjusted adult son thanks you for raising him right.
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Old 09-16-2014, 04:36 PM
 
18 posts, read 13,352 times
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Originally Posted by AADAD View Post
Everybody knows that strict parents have successful kids. Kids need to know where they stand. Be firm and be consistent. Are you planning to take the suggestions and parent trainings some have suggested here?
deinitely. Found some SuperNanny episodes on YT
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Old 09-16-2014, 04:37 PM
 
Location: galaxy far far away
3,111 posts, read 4,396,206 times
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Hm. My mother was an overindulged child. Never learned to make good decisions and grew up thinking that other people needed to take care of her. In her 50's now, and so deep in the hole of terrible life choices she will never be able to climb out. Her parents are dying now, she just lost her Mom and her Dad is on his way...and no one will be left to take care of her. I'm not doing it. I have my own kids to raise and if she comes anywhere near us, my husband can't stand her and they can't coexist...I will choose the family I created. Her issues are too big for me.

Fast forward to her trying to raise ME. Although I think I turned out OK in the end, it was no thanks to her, she parented as though she was my "best friend" and making me unhappy or losing my good opinion was more important that doing Mom things. I was a stonger person than her, always was and always will be...as a kid, that means I got my way. As a teen it means I was skipping school, doing drugs, and very VERY sexually active from age 13-18. Pregnancy at age 19 woke me up and grew me up, FAST. Luckily I had some other role models and when I applied my inner strength to good purposes I went far in life.

Ah, but you have a son.

So. What happens when we raise an entitled boy child? Hm?

I personally saw the brother of a friend, a 16 year old male, beat his mother almost senseless once. You do realize that by about age 13-14 he'll be bigger than you, right? I'm serious. And you're doing nothing good for his opinion of women as he grows up if you give him zero boundaries. He's already got no male role model to show him how to act, it's on you...and you're teaching him that he has a right to TAKE anything he wants from the females in his life right now. Today it's a cookie. Tomorrow things are gonna get real ugly if you don't start laying down the law. And until he turns 18, unless you give someone else custody of him, he is going to be your problem. The consequences of his actions will be on your head. Regular kids with boundaries present enough difficulties, let alone when you don't enforce any...and it has to start now. Better if it had started a couple years ago, but it's not too late.

I spanked my kids, when they were little, because sometimes it's the only way to put a stop to the power plays. You do not need to be your kid's friend. You need to be his Mom. Someone who said never to spank in anger, or HIT a child is correct. We are talking swats on the rear, with a cool head, no shrieking and no anger. Be in control of yourself and your kid. Don't just let things go until you can't take it anymore and then lash out. Eventually it will come to the point where you will look at him and ask, "Do you need a spanking?" and he'll immediately stop what he's doing and say "no..." but he's got to know you'll do it.

Kudos to your for graduating school. Now it's time to grow up. Good luck.
Excellent Excellent Post. Good for you! You took your life back and turned out great in spite of your mom's inaction. I'm proud of you!!
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Old 09-16-2014, 04:37 PM
 
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I remember, years ago, when Marguerite Kelly wrote "The Family Almanac" she had a question from the mother of a 4 year old daughter. It seems that the 4 year old was acting like a dictator telling her parents what she wanted to do and what she wanted to eat.

What Marguerite Kelly told the mother is that this is typical 4 year old behavior and that if you actually let your 4 year old rule the roost, it would frighten them to have such power.

She said that the best way to handle it was when the 4 year old ordered you to do something was to just smile and say "Oh really?", then go about ignoring them.

I remember when our daughter was 4, she would also come to me and demand that I give her something or other. Of course it was an unrealistic request on her part. I would tell her "No" and if she persisted, I would say "No. Case closed." Well...one day, she got angry and said to me "I'm opening it again!" I just stood there and stared at her (and tried not to laugh).

What I found worked when she was being difficult was to put her in the corner for a while. Then, when I thought that she had calmed down, I would ask her "Do you know what you did that was bad?" If she said "Yes", I would have her tell me what it was. In most cases, she got the answer right

All that said, OP---I agree with others that if you don't start parenting your child properly, when he becomes a teen, it will be even worse. He does need a good male role model in his life. Is his father involved at all? I hope, at least, he is paying child support.
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Old 09-16-2014, 06:38 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,908,158 times
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I've already issued infractions for rude posts and personal attacks. Please reply with respect to the OP regardless of your belief in the story.

In short, if you don't have anything constructive to say, don't respond by using personal attacks and rude remarks. Simply don't respond. Thanks.
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Old 09-16-2014, 08:40 PM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,828,849 times
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Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
pretty proud of myself. Last night, when he gt out of bed and tried to catch some late night TV, I picked him up and put him right back to bed.
Good job. Keep it up and don't give in.

Also realize that he may try to keep coming out for a while until he learns you will continue to be firm.
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Old 09-16-2014, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 10,665,956 times
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Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
pretty proud of myself. Last night, when he gt out of bed and tried to catch some late night TV, I picked him up and put him right back to bed.
I'm proud of you too. You are regaining your control. A four year old should never rule the roost. Children need boundaries. Please remember you are the boss and you make the rules. Be concise and consistent and never make a threat you aren't prepared to carry out. You're in for some tough times because he's been doing exactly what he pleases for some time now, but if you stay the course life will be much better for both of you.
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