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Old 09-18-2014, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,896 posts, read 5,863,520 times
Reputation: 6050

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
OP, you do seem to realize that you aren't doing your little boy any favors. Find your backbone, read a book on positive parenting, tell your sister to butt out on situations that involve your son, and always, remain calm, but consistent. Your son is old enough to understand he can not always get his way.
This. Your sister has to stop enabling him or you will never get it undercontrol. As Mattie said, consistency, which is the hardest thing in the world to do. I know. I raised 3 kids on my own and it was chaos a lot of the time but, there were rules and regulations. So I am not downing you. I have been there. But, if you don't get control, you might as well kiss your ability to parent him goodbye. You think it is bad now ? Wait until he gets to be 11-12-13, he will tell you to kiss off if you try and tell him what to do. And, you better not decide you are going to get married or live with a guy and have him bring him in line. That is a recipe for abuse and disaster.

Get a grip, girl, and be a parent. It is a learning process. I was a parent at 18 with no previous contacts with young children. Whew.

eta: I forgot to add, Good luck, and I seriously mean that.
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Old 09-18-2014, 10:40 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,896 posts, read 5,863,520 times
Reputation: 6050
Quote:
Originally Posted by charmed hour View Post
My mom always told us., "I'm your mother; I have to love you but I don't have to like you".
I told my kids that a couple of times. I don't take it back either.....lol
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Old 09-18-2014, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,896 posts, read 5,863,520 times
Reputation: 6050
Quote:
Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
let me ask you guys( an d gals) this: If a child needs to be put down for a nap, but he won't go unless Mommy lays on the bed too, is the child "in charge" if the parent obliges. I told him to go take his nap, he said " no" and that he wanted me to lay with him. I did, he took his nap and moved on with our day. Is he " controlling me" in that situation/
I don't necessarily think this is bad but I know others will think/say so. I gather you don't work ? I don't know what to say about this one thing though. I have lain down with some of my grandchildren to get them to sleep and then get up when they fall off. I will not talk to them while I am there. I usually turn over and act like I am asleep and they usually drop right off in due time. But now I am a grandmother, different roles. LOL

eta: if they try to talk, I tell them I will have to get up and go wash the dishes. If they play quietly for a few minutes, at first, I don't say anything. It works but it can set a precendence.

eta2: I do see that you work. Full time ? Get away from your sister. She is not his parent and doesn't want the responsibility.
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:51 PM
 
18 posts, read 13,352 times
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I'm looking into parenting classes for the both of us( sister and I). I doubt I'd move out anytime soon. He loves living with his aunt, they're very close and he loves that puppy too.
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,633,030 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
I'm looking into parenting classes for the both of us( sister and I). I doubt I'd move out anytime soon. He loves living with his aunt, they're very close and he loves that puppy too.
Look into that MOPS group too- you need mom friends too!
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Old 09-19-2014, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Sudcaroland
10,664 posts, read 7,703,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
I'm looking into parenting classes for the both of us( sister and I). I doubt I'd move out anytime soon. He loves living with his aunt, they're very close and he loves that puppy too.
There again, you let him make the choice for you: "He loves living with his aunt". Well, that's not a good reason for you not to move out! He can still see her, their bond will still be there.
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Old 09-19-2014, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,471 posts, read 15,905,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
I'm looking into parenting classes for the both of us( sister and I). I doubt I'd move out anytime soon. He loves living with his aunt, they're very close and he loves that puppy too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sudcaro View Post
There again, you let him make the choice for you: "He loves living with his aunt". Well, that's not a good reason for you not to move out! He can still see her, their bond will still be there.
I agree with Sudcaro, you are letting a four year old decide what is the best living situation for you (the adult) and your family (the four year old). Can't you see how absolutely ridiculous that is?

If you enjoy living with your sister, and it works out well for you and your son, then perhaps it is good to continue living with her, but don't let a four year old child make adult apartment & roommate decisions .

And, it is even more ridiculous that part of your decision to stay involves your four year old loving his aunt's puppy. You are the parent, grow up and take responsibility for your life and the life of your child.

I am almost expecting your next post to say that your son saw a cartoon about pirates and he tells you that he wants to live on a ship in the middle of the ocean and you quit your job and actually move there. Or he saw the movie Little Mermaid and tells you that you should dye your hair red and you actually do it. Or any number of things like that. Please remember that he is a child, he is not the boss and Supreme Ruler of your life.

PS. I am really glad that you are taking parenting classes. It is also helpful that your sister (roommate) will also learn how to better support your decisions as a parent and undermine you with your son.

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-19-2014 at 07:47 PM..
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Old 09-20-2014, 12:31 AM
 
Location: Manayunk
513 posts, read 556,517 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I agree with Sudcaro, you are letting a four year old decide what is the best living situation for you (the adult) and your family (the four year old). Can't you see how absolutely ridiculous that is?

If you enjoy living with your sister, and it works out well for you and your son, then perhaps it is good to continue living with her, but don't let a four year old child make adult apartment & roommate decisions .

And, it is even more ridiculous that part of your decision to stay involves your four year old loving his aunt's puppy. You are the parent, grow up and take responsibility for your life and the life of your child.

I am almost expecting your next post to say that your son saw a cartoon about pirates and he tells you that he wants to live on a ship in the middle of the ocean and you quit your job and actually move there. Or he saw the movie Little Mermaid and tells you that you should dye your hair red and you actually do it. Or any number of things like that. Please remember that he is a child, he is not the boss and Supreme Ruler of your life.

PS. I am really glad that you are taking parenting classes. It is also helpful that your sister (roommate) will also learn how to better support your decisions as a parent and undermine you with your son.

My daughter just turned four. You need to lay down the law but also pick and choose your battles. She can pick what she wants to wear that day, but even though she "miss me lot" I am still going to go to work. After leaving my ex, her father, we have been staying with my parents. She loves living here with them but the second my house sells we are out of here. I will stay close by, but I am not going to let a toddler dictate our living situation.

You seem to get hung up on the wrong things. A kid not wanting to take a nap is normal. A kid wanting you to stay close while they fall asleep is normal. Your the adult and you make the decisions. Allow him to make tiny decisions that make him feel good about himself but don't ever let him dictate to you what will be done unless you already have decided to ask him.

And yes,staying for a puppy...? You don't see how absurd that seems? Heck, buy him a dog if its a big deal. Off/on topic... Last year at Christmas my daughter wanted one thing and one thing only. A "big, fluffy, mushy faced doggy". We now have a 120 lb 10 month old Saint Bernard. Which will be a doozy when we are apartment hunting.
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Old 09-20-2014, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,044,600 times
Reputation: 20460
Quote:
Originally Posted by CranberryLightfan View Post
I'm looking into parenting classes for the both of us( sister and I). I doubt I'd move out anytime soon. He loves living with his aunt, they're very close and he loves that puppy too.
Seriously? Are you for real?
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Old 09-21-2014, 12:29 PM
 
18 posts, read 13,352 times
Reputation: 15
Yesterday just reinforced why there is a problem. He was put in timeout 3 times. 2 during the day, once during dinner( refused to eat 4 carrots). My sister's attitude was " Aw c'mon, he's 4, he's supposed to act like this". First time in awhile he said he hated me.
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