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Old 09-19-2014, 03:50 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,885,166 times
Reputation: 4257

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I have a daughter from age 8. I think you might know from my previous post about sending alone to school. She has bunch of friends. Comparing to whole class there are 25 kids but only 6 girls. She is friend with every one. She play with every one but the story goes about Pinky( Name from air)
Pinky is so adorable, very polite, talk very soft. And every one likes her. Also she gives lots of gifts to her friends. My daughter received some some items more often. So I used buy some little gift and send via my daughter as a thank you or admiring what pinky did.( what I regret at the moment ) Form my daughters friends community this Pinky is more frequent visitor by us mean she comes most of the time after school. Some times stay for the dinner. My daughter likes her very much and lives next block to us.

My daughter losing things. Like earrings little bracelets what my daughter self made or little items what she got at gifts and she kept on the table or little toys. When she was complaining I thought she might misplaced it as all other kids do. Drop somewhere for more safe in a box or in a bag .But I have searched with her,and I used let my daughter to understand what is lost is lost and let it go.

while waiting to pick my daughter I hear one mother said "I find this is irritating some one is in this group stealing, my daughter lost a flute yesterday" and another mother said"mine lost a little Eiffel tower" Voila ......I took everything to my mind,but I kept silence I don't like accuse any one with out seeing my self.
As usual pinky came to play, I thought of making this clear. Because if she is stealing I am bringing my child also in to a danger also Pinky is growing in to a thief. So I thought of letting my eyes to see. I left an old pair of earrings in the bathroom. I could see that what is happening in the bathroom from my cupboard mirror. And I sit on my bed and kept my eye.

Pinky went to the bathroom but did not see the earring I left on bath room table.took the little step and stand on her toes open the cupboards looking for something. In the same time she look around too. She went in to a little box with little soaps like hearts and flowers. she took two and right moment drop in her pocket I appear in front of her. I decently asked" pinky what are you doing in my cupboard" and why taking soap? you just need to ask I will give you if you like them. But what you did is not acceptable. And I asked to get ready to go home. I walked with her to her house but parents were not home. I have told Pinky brother that I want to talk to her. And I came home.
Afternoon Pinky mother called and I have told her exactly what happened. Her mother shocked me more" she is not a thief. She never do that. I think this is might be an excuse to ask my daughter not to come to play more often and hang the phone"

If you were me what would you do? Bring this to school as Pinky is in the same class? or try to talk to parents again? Or gather all the stuff what Pinky given to my daughter bring it to school and give to Pinky in front of her parents also other kids? The sweetness of this child will vanish if she grow in to thief she already as I feel. Any tips? I am out don't know what to think. If you were me what you think you will do?

Last edited by Zeurich; 09-19-2014 at 04:28 AM..
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Old 09-19-2014, 06:32 AM
 
Location: South Florida
637 posts, read 1,013,032 times
Reputation: 1914
When you heard the other mothers talking, were they talking about things that had been taken at school? Is Pinky going into other children's desks and taking things?

If that is the case, I think you need to talk to their teacher. Just tell her what you saw (Pinky taking the soaps), that other things have also been missing after Pinky has been in your home and that you've heard other mothers complain that items are being taken.

If this is only happening in the home, I think that Pinky should not be allowed to come over any more. I would not bring this up with other parents, but, if they asked, or even worse if they accused your daughter of being the thief, I would state what I knew and that you had attempted to talk to the mother about it and she was angry.
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Old 09-19-2014, 06:39 AM
 
Location: In a chartreuse microbus
3,844 posts, read 5,109,763 times
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Keep in mind that many parents won't admit to their child's wrong doings because it reflects badly on them. If the mother won't accept or admit it, there's not much you can do. I agree about not allowing any more visits from "Pinky".
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Old 09-19-2014, 08:42 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,106,582 times
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Have your child be friendly to Pinky, but no more play dates. Don't bad mouth her to others. The mother will never believe you and there is no way to prove to others she is a thief.

I would also increase the amount of time your daughter spends with other children, because Pinky may try to retaliate against your daughter at school.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:19 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,885,166 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonmam View Post
When you heard the other mothers talking, were they talking about things that had been taken at school? Is Pinky going into other children's desks and taking things?

If that is the case, I think you need to talk to their teacher. Just tell her what you saw (Pinky taking the soaps), that other things have also been missing after Pinky has been in your home and that you've heard other mothers complain that items are being taken.

If this is only happening in the home, I think that Pinky should not be allowed to come over any more. I would not bring this up with other parents, but, if they asked, or even worse if they accused your daughter of being the thief, I would state what I knew and that you had attempted to talk to the mother about it and she was angry.
I am quiet not sure where taken from school desk or home. what I thought as I have tried to speak to her mother decently but did not succeed. So I thought better talk to behavior mentor at school.
I have spoken to my daughter. I explain her everything also the results of stealing. I used this to give some life lesson to my daughter too. And also I explain that I don't want that pinky in our house for some time.At least her parents would take an action about this,and also I told her not to accept any gifts from this pinky any more. No I am not going to talk to the other mothers. Honestly I don't like that. But as I hear today at school other mothers already complained to the school teacher. And look like the gifts pinky has given to my daughter was stolen too from some one. I am going to talk to teacher and the behavior mentor on Monday after school. I feel that is the best. Other wise this pinky might set my daughter as a thief. no one knows.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:30 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,885,166 times
Reputation: 4257
Quote:
Originally Posted by sirron View Post
Keep in mind that many parents won't admit to their child's wrong doings because it reflects badly on them. If the mother won't accept or admit it, there's not much you can do. I agree about not allowing any more visits from "Pinky".
Yes I know. Mostly I am opposite. If some one tells me about my child. I would react different. I will listen. And I will let them know I will talk my daughter. As every one knows own child is holy child for most parents, but they can be any one out side of home, that is how I think. No I talk to my daughter I explain be friends at school. But don't say anything to others. It is not nice. Keep quiet about what happen by us and if some one asks why you don't play with pinky tell any one that mam is much busy now days. Not only with pinky I thought for some time limit play appointments with every one.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:31 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,885,166 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
Have your child be friendly to Pinky, but no more play dates. Don't bad mouth her to others. The mother will never believe you and there is no way to prove to others she is a thief.

I would also increase the amount of time your daughter spends with other children, because Pinky may try to retaliate against your daughter at school.
I know ,, Nope and I don't need to prove anything to her either what my concern is keep my child away from trouble.
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Old 09-19-2014, 03:36 PM
 
3,329 posts, read 3,268,288 times
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I think that children steal these little items because they are unhappy, and envious of the other child in some way, and somehow think that taking these little things of theirs will make them more like the child they envy. At least that's how people who write about having done this kind of stealing in childhood , describe their reasons for having done it. I do think that there is a very good chance of this evolving into shoplifting.

In any event, I think you did more than you were obligated to. Good for you that you caught the child in the act, explained to her why it was unacceptable, and told the parent. The mother is an idiot. This is the end of having Pinky over. Increase your connectedness to the parents of the other girls in the class, and make sure your daughter has lots of playdates with their daughters. If you have a birthday party for your daughter this year, maybe it would be best to host it at a venue, like a pottery making store, rather than in your home, so that you can invite all the girls in the class. Hopefully, she won't be in your daughter's class next year.
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Old 09-19-2014, 06:04 PM
 
9,463 posts, read 15,037,563 times
Reputation: 15440
OP---

Its not a news flash that such people exist. You just happened to encounter one.

I would NOT involve the school, unless you want an endless life of counseling, gossip, retaliation, and, even CPS involvement. Don't go looking for trouble!

You've done what you can by informing Pinky's mother, now, its up to her. Pinky is NOT your child, you are NOT responsible for her.

Just explain to your daughter that some people are like this, we don't know why. Its best to just be nice, but distant, and don't invite her over again.

Please, don't host parties in stores, like Build-a-Bear, etc, unless the mothers are present as well. If Pinky steals from the store, YOU will be held responsible, unless her mother is present. Just let Pinky fad out of your life.
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Old 09-19-2014, 06:35 PM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,106,582 times
Reputation: 9778
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
OP---

Its not a news flash that such people exist. You just happened to encounter one.

I would NOT involve the school, unless you want an endless life of counseling, gossip, retaliation, and, even CPS involvement. Don't go looking for trouble!

You've done what you can by informing Pinky's mother, now, its up to her. Pinky is NOT your child, you are NOT responsible for her.

Just explain to your daughter that some people are like this, we don't know why. Its best to just be nice, but distant, and don't invite her over again.

Please, don't host parties in stores, like Build-a-Bear, etc, unless the mothers are present as well. If Pinky steals from the store, YOU will be held responsible, unless her mother is present. Just let Pinky fad out of your life.
You can't invite everyone to a party. I didn't invite a student who was being mean to my child, even though they were "frenemies". As the kids get older parties are smaller affairs.
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