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Old 09-23-2014, 10:07 AM
 
Location: NYC
11,831 posts, read 7,714,980 times
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I was out shopping with my family at Target. My son was playing with some toys at a separate aisle. He came back and told me some older kids threw toys at him and said some racist stuff at him. My son brought me over and he pointed out who the kids are. They looked like they're probably 10-11yr olds. Now they definitely look suspicious trying to not make any eye contact. I saw their mother and I wanted to approach her but I don't have solid proof and it appears her kids are acting like good little boys in front of her.

I told my son to let it go for now because we're in public and they didn't throw something that would seriously hurt him. My son ask me should he fight back next time, I said that if someone does that to you should confront them and ask them why they're doing this. If they keep doing this you should ask an adult to help you because fighting back makes it difficult to figure out who started. If your alone then you have no choice but to fight back.

What would you do?
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Old 09-23-2014, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
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My rules are for my child to try to ignore or address the situation, depending how easy it is to "get away" from it, or if its reasonable to expect to talk it out. The other rule is, NEVER hit first. Throwing things is not cool at all. I would have said something directly to the children. "Excuse me, I don't think you would like anyone throwing things at you. You should treat people the way you want to be treated, no more throwing." And walk away. I also believe in letting kids handle situations themselves, so if it was nerf balls, i'd probably just let it go. This is not a situation that warrants "fighting back" but it's important to teach your kid when to know when it is time. Pushing, hitting, or throwing hard objects after a stern warning "I'm only going to tell you once to stop throwing things at me. Don't do it again, i'm over here minding my own business" would warrant sticking up for oneself if it continued. But like I said, never hit first.

ETA: My DD was bullied in 1st grade on the bus. The kid would push her, tap her on opposite shoulders the whole ride, pull her backpack away from her, mess with her lunch box. He obviously had a crush, and I dealt with the assistant principle, but I also told my daughter if he did it after the principle talked to them (day 4), she had every right to punch him and I showed her how to do it without hurting her knuckles. Just my 2 cents.
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Old 09-23-2014, 01:59 PM
 
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I would have said something to the kids in front of the mother very loudly, such as, "Did you just call my son a *****?" Embarrass the hell out of her; they got that language from somewhere.

Last edited by convextech; 09-23-2014 at 02:25 PM..
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Old 09-23-2014, 02:15 PM
 
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To the passive aggressive chicken that repped me with their parting words:

"what IF, just what if the kids never said those words......"

What reason does my son have to tell me a lie about something like this? None.

From personal experience, and I am white by the way, I have learned that calling people out on their rude behavior tends to keep them from doing it, at least around me. For instance, my husband's racist white uncle was gleefully telling a story about how he and his four year old granddaughter were in the mall, and she called a little black infant a monkey. He was laughing. I told him how disgusting it is that he thought it was funny. His daughter (the child's mother) was horrified and she turned all shades of red. I told her, "I hope you aren't going to raise your child thinking that is funny," and we left, and I never went back over there and avoided him in the future.

There's right, and there's wrong, and damned if I'm going to stand by and listen to BS like that.

Last edited by convextech; 09-23-2014 at 02:24 PM..
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Old 09-23-2014, 03:21 PM
 
9,707 posts, read 7,661,442 times
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Perhaps this episode could have been avoided, had your son remained with you in the store and not gotten into the store's merchandise.

As it was, he could have encountered far worse than young bullies, since he was unattended, unsupervised, and getting into the admittedly tempting toys (I could say the same about the other children).

Does your son realize that toys and other items on store shelves are not there for his amusement, but are for sale?
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Old 09-23-2014, 03:29 PM
 
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I'm not sure I would encourage my kid to fight back. Not only do I feel like two wrongs don't make a right but honestly it could just escalate the situation. I'd rather teach my kids forgiveness and how to avoid confrontation for as long as possible. If I had kids that is.

I suppose it depends though. If it was the only way for the kid to stop being abused, and I felt like they had a likely chance of overpowering the bully I might reluctantly support retaliation.
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Old 09-24-2014, 04:53 PM
 
17,168 posts, read 22,199,672 times
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next time you go , give you son a squirt gun with bleach in it- then he can squirt the little bastards

good question- what your son should do
depends if he will see these kids again,,, if they go to his school,,,,then I wouldn't do much,, if he's never seen them before - this is what id suggest- first of all I use to give my son a whistle and told him explicitly
if he got lost from me to blow it,,,if someone ever grabbed him,,,to blow it,,,or if he is ever being bullied- to blow it,,

a similar situation as yours- my kid was over in the toy department, I heard the whistle and came running and saw two older kids around him. (they were trying to bully him for money) as soon as the bully boys saw me they ran - I followed one kid to his fat father and told him I saw his little bastard trying to steal something and he better leave before they watch the security film - his father made the kid empty his pockets and the kid actually did steal something!!!! the fat guy left the store immediately - and I said to the boy "how do you like being bullied by bigger kids"??????? remember this before you start bullying smaller kids.

ive always thought there should be a universal whistle for kids ,,,that if blown ... a kid is in harms way,,,,that way other parents would also run to the whistle and get their quicker
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Old 09-24-2014, 10:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post

a similar situation as yours- my kid was over in the toy department, I heard the whistle and came running and saw two older kids around him. (they were trying to bully him for money) as soon as the bully boys saw me they ran - I followed one kid to his fat father and told him I saw his little bastard trying to steal something and he better leave before they watch the security film - his father made the kid empty his pockets and the kid actually did steal something!!!! the fat guy left the store immediately - and I said to the boy "how do you like being bullied by bigger kids"??????? remember this before you start bullying smaller kids.

ive always thought there should be a universal whistle for kids ,,,that if blown ... a kid is in harms way,,,,that way other parents would also run to the whistle and get their quicker

k:
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Old 09-25-2014, 12:13 AM
 
787 posts, read 574,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Does your son realize that toys and other items on store shelves are not there for his amusement, but are for sale?
Try before you buy. If a toy aisle with easily accessible merch didn't make the retailers big bucks, they'd stock the stuff out of reach of Jr. This isn't the mom and pop operation of some fantasy yesteryear.
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Old 09-25-2014, 02:03 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,885,166 times
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I don't let my daughter to walk around she walk beside me specially in shops. And better your child knows self defense tick tacks, my daughter does. so the do I, I was beaten in shop and at school too when I was 9 by same bullies. Since then my father teach me marshal arts. The next time they came to attack me I gave them not to touch me again since then I got no trouble. I think I mention this in another post too.
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