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Old 10-01-2014, 05:50 PM
 
17 posts, read 15,377 times
Reputation: 75

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kutra11 View Post
Good luck trying to mess with your son's life. He might not have any right to his privacy, but I think. he would like to keep his dignity!!
not to mention such "snooping" is against the law past age 18 in many jurisdictions. the court won't care if was YOUR house (because that "it's my house my rules mindset" is so prevalent here--and then a few years later at age 18, a new thread: "Why are my kids moving out at 18 ??" I wonder why ) or if YOU are paying the telephone / light bill, it's still stalking to snoop on someone past age 18.

Quote:
I need every tool in my arsenal to prevent him from making mistakes that can affect decades of his life to come, or the rest of his life to come.
Sorrynotsorry, but you can't prevent kids from falling down. Failure is an unavoidable part of growing up, and sorry to say mom / dad, but you can't prevent junior from every little knee skin. You can however, prepare junior for each knee skin that comes along.

Quote:
I'm not interested in raising boys who view females as disposable. Good parenting, it's not easy but it's worth it...I'm trying my best.
your sons are quite disposable, and you'll learn that when they go to apply to a part time $10/hour entry level job with 30-40 over qualified applicants above them. the world is not all warm fuzzies and smiles, with a clear cut yellow brick road to success. shocked you don't know that.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Colorado
9,771 posts, read 6,282,029 times
Reputation: 17599
Quote:
Originally Posted by worriedman View Post
not to mention such "snooping" is against the law past age 18 in many jurisdictions. the court won't care if was YOUR house (because that "it's my house my rules mindset" is so prevalent here--and then a few years later at age 18, a new thread: "Why are my kids moving out at 18 ??" I wonder why ) or if YOU are paying the telephone / light bill, it's still stalking to snoop on someone past age 18.

Sorrynotsorry, but you can't prevent kids from falling down. Failure is an unavoidable part of growing up, and sorry to say mom / dad, but you can't prevent junior from every little knee skin. You can however, prepare junior for each knee skin that comes along.

your sons are quite disposable, and you'll learn that when they go to apply to a part time $10/hour entry level job with 30-40 over qualified applicants above them. the world is not all warm fuzzies and smiles, with a clear cut yellow brick road to success. shocked you don't know that.
Wow. Hostile much?

Neither of my kids are 18. I fully expect them to get out of my house when they are old enough, or shortly therafter. Otherwise they'll be paying me rent. And if they live under my roof they will respect some rules of mine. My home isn't a frat house, not now and not ever.

I know that life is hard. As someone who managed to bootstrap her own family from homelessness to middle class over the course of the last 15 years, yet still...it could all fall apart at any time. But my sons aren't disposable to me, they won't treat other people as though they are disposable, they won't be users, and I hope I'm instilling enough self respect so that they also won't allow themselves to be used. I expect lots of lessons need to get learned the hard way regardless. That's life. I'm certainly NOT protecting them from every little scrape or hardship.

I am trying to protect them (not to speak of the girl involved) from conceiving offspring before they are old enough to have the faintest idea what they are doing with their own lives. That's being overprotective?

As for dignity, I don't haul out my sons' private text convos for the world to see. My kids know I check on them from time to time because I have told them to expect that. But I don't shame them about anything. I don't even mention it unless I'm concerned about something. And the injection thing is, as far as I'm concerned, the equivalent of a girl getting on the pill...where is the harm to dignity if parents and son decided to go that route? I'm just happy it exists, and hope it becomes a widely available option. Right now there's nothing but abstinence that is as effective for guys as the pill is for girls. I don't think that's fair.
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Old 10-03-2014, 06:59 PM
 
9 posts, read 7,717 times
Reputation: 10
Um yes. The parent needs to educate him or her on safe sex and birth control and much more!
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Old 10-04-2014, 09:37 AM
 
Location: All Over
3,971 posts, read 4,201,241 times
Reputation: 2999
I guess it depends on your attitude towards sex. I think some parents have the attitude of its not acceptable while some are open to it and others have kind of a I know its gonna happen but I wanna burry my head in the sand attitude.
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Old 10-04-2014, 10:00 AM
 
15,758 posts, read 13,184,034 times
Reputation: 19646
More important do they tell you when they think they are going to have sex.

Mine all told me when they were thinking about having sex. My brother was maybe 17, my daughter was 18 and my sister is 20 and still hasn't. As a family we are pretty open about sexuality, and the conversations started when they were pretty young so I wasn't really surprised when they did tell us they were going to and then when they did have sex.
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Old 10-05-2014, 12:21 AM
 
Location: Pine Grove,AL
21,758 posts, read 10,609,339 times
Reputation: 3956
Quote:
Originally Posted by worriedman View Post
and then a few years later at age 18, a new thread: "Why are my kids moving out at 18 ??" .
Its not the moving out that will matter, its the not speaking afterwards that will hurt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Because I'm not dumb enough to take a teenage kid at face value, I've snooped into his message convos on his Xbox acct and read his texts. Seems he is being legit, thus far.
You sound like my mom. The worst feeling in the world is being treated like a criminal when you have done nothing wrong.

I was a good kid in every sense of the word, and my parents still went through my phone and social media as well as my room, it felt like more than an invasion of privacy, it felt like they didnt trust me or that they simply wanted to know every little detail of my life which was in some ways worse.

Its one of the main reasons we dont speak as much as we should.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post

As for dignity, I don't haul out my sons' private text convos for the world to see. My kids know I check on them from time to time because I have told them to expect that. But I don't shame them about anything. I don't even mention it unless I'm concerned about something. And the injection thing is, as far as I'm concerned, the equivalent of a girl getting on the pill...where is the harm to dignity if parents and son decided to go that route? I'm just happy it exists, and hope it becomes a widely available option. Right now there's nothing but abstinence that is as effective for guys as the pill is for girls. I don't think that's fair.
If the son decides it, sure, but your first post made it sound more like YOU are choosing for him.
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Old 10-08-2014, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Colorado
9,771 posts, read 6,282,029 times
Reputation: 17599
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsjj251 View Post
Its not the moving out that will matter, its the not speaking afterwards that will hurt.



You sound like my mom. The worst feeling in the world is being treated like a criminal when you have done nothing wrong.

I was a good kid in every sense of the word, and my parents still went through my phone and social media as well as my room, it felt like more than an invasion of privacy, it felt like they didnt trust me or that they simply wanted to know every little detail of my life which was in some ways worse.

Its one of the main reasons we dont speak as much as we should.






If the son decides it, sure, but your first post made it sound more like YOU are choosing for him.
I don't treat my kids like criminals. I treat them like people whose judgment cannot be trusted just yet, because their brains aren't done cookin', which is nothing but the truth. I view it as my responsibility to guide them in important decisions, although of course they get more freedom as they get older and as they prove that they can handle it. But I can't be an effective guide if I let them pull the wool over my eyes. For example, my oldest used to tell me when I asked about homework, that he'd done it all and everything was fine. He was lying. He failed some classes. Since then, his Dad checks his online parent portal web thingie every day for missing assignments and such. If an assignment is missing, he requires our kid to see the teacher and account for the situation. He checks this every single day even if the boy says everything is fine. Some teenagers would get all huffy and yell about how we "don't trust him." Well no, we don't. We've been given reasons not to.

But we're not enemies to our kids. We're not hated adversaries. Consequences are only dished when they are appropriate and fair, not because we are "mad at them." Rewards happen when deserved. We do fun things as a family, and legitimately care about each other. I haven't the slightest concern that my sons are going to grow up hating me for reading their texts. In fact sometimes it breaks the ice for us to have a good conversation about something that's troubling one of them. Sometimes they come away from it with some good advice or reassurance and they feel better.

EDIT: Also, I don't do this often, reading the texts. I just make it clear that it could happen any time, and do it occasionally. Like every several months, randomly.

And it's really something to me, that guys are responding this way about the birth control...do you feel the same way about parents getting their sexually active daughters to take the pill? Or do you simply think a teenage boy should have some kind of a right to knock up chicks and then not participate in raising offspring? I don't get it. Of course he'd have input as to such a decision, we'd have to go have a doctor do the injection IF it were even available right now, and he'd have to agree to it. Did you think I was gonna tie him down or knock him unconscious? How is this form of birth control an invasion of his dignity if it's safe? Are pelvic exams an invasion of a teenage girl's dignity? Girls have to get one, to get the pill, you know.

I just find that response confusing.

IF my son were sexually active, and IF that method were available, I would definitely do my best to talk him into getting it, so long as I was assured of its safety and reversability.
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Old 10-09-2014, 11:56 PM
 
Location: Clown School
9,999 posts, read 4,227,478 times
Reputation: 11552
Yes, I'd want to know, so I can make sure they're safe, that they weren't raped, and that they're informed and equipped to make intelligent decisions. They would also need to start getting appropriate medical screenings and checkups.

This is assuming they're legally able and allowed to consent.

However I have no interest in hearing details of their interaction unless necessary to know. That boundary would be drawn so fast....gtfo of here with that!
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Old 10-10-2014, 12:37 AM
 
405 posts, read 386,864 times
Reputation: 464
I would want my kids to feel comfortable enough to tell me about it, but I don't think I'd want to know about it. My wife and I have gotten birth control for our daughter and condoms for both our son and our daughter. We aren't encouraging them to have sex, but do want to promote safe sex to them. Personally, I think that step was harder on me than the possibility that they might come out and say that they've lost their virginity.

Of course, if they reveal it to us by saying something like, "Dad, I've run out of condoms, can you give me money to get more?", then I think we'd be having a nice long talk then.
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Old 10-16-2014, 01:01 AM
 
Location: Pine Grove,AL
21,758 posts, read 10,609,339 times
Reputation: 3956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I don't treat my kids like criminals. I treat them like people whose judgment cannot be trusted just yet, because their brains aren't done cookin', which is nothing but the truth. I view it as my responsibility to guide them in important decisions, although of course they get more freedom as they get older and as they prove that they can handle it. But I can't be an effective guide if I let them pull the wool over my eyes. For example, my oldest used to tell me when I asked about homework, that he'd done it all and everything was fine. He was lying. He failed some classes. Since then, his Dad checks his online parent portal web thingie every day for missing assignments and such. If an assignment is missing, he requires our kid to see the teacher and account for the situation. He checks this every single day even if the boy says everything is fine. Some teenagers would get all huffy and yell about how we "don't trust him." Well no, we don't. We've been given reasons not to.

But we're not enemies to our kids. We're not hated adversaries. Consequences are only dished when they are appropriate and fair, not because we are "mad at them." Rewards happen when deserved. We do fun things as a family, and legitimately care about each other. I haven't the slightest concern that my sons are going to grow up hating me for reading their texts. In fact sometimes it breaks the ice for us to have a good conversation about something that's troubling one of them. Sometimes they come away from it with some good advice or reassurance and they feel better.
Snooping through someones personal conversations is a violation of their trust, no matter how you word it or try to justify it. Heck you even said they seem to be legit. Im also not saying you should let them pull the wool over your eyes, but the debate is about the fact that they arent even trying to and are still being treated as such.

also we arent talking about school work, this was a conversation about personal/private lives.

Quote:
EDIT: Also, I don't do this often, reading the texts. I just make it clear that it could happen any time, and do it occasionally. Like every several months, randomly.
Still a gigantic invasion of privacy in my opinion.


Quote:
And it's really something to me, that guys are responding this way about the birth control...do you feel the same way about parents getting their sexually active daughters to take the pill? Or do you simply think a teenage boy should have some kind of a right to knock up chicks and then not participate in raising offspring? I don't get it.
Nothing in bold makes sense. When did i ever give off that impression ??? heck where in my post did i even mention responsibilities of raising a child ?

You took a lot of liberties with my statement, but i will answer your questions.

As i already stated, it sounded like you were saying it was your choice for him to get the shot, not his own. As you stated below(as i quoted), you didnt mean it that way, so my mistake, but in the context of what i thought you said,yes i would feel the same of both boys and girls.

No a teenage boy does not have the right to knock up anyone, and no he cant just not take responsibility for a child he fathered.

Quote:
Of course he'd have input as to such a decision, we'd have to go have a doctor do the injection IF it were even available right now, and he'd have to agree to it. Did you think I was gonna tie him down or knock him unconscious? How is this form of birth control an invasion of his dignity if it's safe? Are pelvic exams an invasion of a teenage girl's dignity? Girls have to get one, to get the pill, you know.

I just find that response confusing.

IF my son were sexually active, and IF that method were available, I would definitely do my best to talk him into getting it, so long as I was assured of its safety and reversability.
Again, my apology for misunderstanding you, but lets not pretend that parents do not force their children to do things against their own will.
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