Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There is a right way and a wrong way to do this. First, realize that there are not many good-paying jobs out there if the young person does not have specialized skills and experience. Also, upward of one-third of all young people aged 18 to 35 are still living at home. This has less to do with 'growing up' and more to do with the poor economy. I'll bet anything that your daughter would really rather have ner own place, and part of her anger and aggression may be an expression of this.
As a father of 2 and grandfather of 6, I am urging you to deal with caution on this issue. Your daughter is in her prime child-bearing years, and the odds are excellent that before she is out of her 20s she will be a mother. If you have a prayer in Hades of ever seeing or meeting your grandchildren from this young lady, you will tread a bit lightly on this issue. Do you really wish to see her homeless on the street with no resources? How would you feel if she were raped, injured, even killed? She is a young woman, not a man. Yes, it still does make a difference in our society.
I am not suggesting that you coddle her. I am certain that she is causing disruprion in your household. Please take it upon yourself to locate resources for her. Do you or a friend or her grandparents have a room in the attic, basement, even a garage? Somewhere that she will be safe, but not comfortable enough to stay longer than necessary? I think it is your responsibility to find some other resources for her, before just throwing her out. Think, think of what could come of this.
Legally she may be an 'adult', but most parents realize that 20-somethings are still inexperienced in life.
I had a friend that rented an apartment for her nearly 30 yr. old son. She changed the locks and left a note with the address and key on the front door. He came back and broke into the house. He took his step fathers computer and threw it outside along with some other things he owned. My friends husband moved out because of her son and gave her the ultimatum of him or me. Since this would have been her third failed marriage she chose him over her mentally ill son. OP can you afford to rent her an apartment? Maybe you could pay two or three months rent and tell her it's up to her after that. My MIL is supporting her now grown grandson because the step father won't allow him in the house. His mother is now terminally ill and John's mother is up there in age. He'll have to find another needy woman to live off of again one of these days. Our neighbor has a twenty something daughter that's into drugs and alcohol. She came home knocked up and they are supporting her and her baby. They won't kick her out because they're worried about the grandson. So you see OP you're far from alone with your situation. The problem is how do you get someone to grow up? My mother did the same thing with my brother. He lived off of her until the day she died. There was this sick codependent issue there. Some parents want their babies to be babies forever like my alcoholic friend and her taught to be weak son. Legally you have to evict her through the proper procedures. That seems harsh and perhaps you can reason with her with a good heart to heart mother daughter talk. When my husbands sister chose her husband over her kids the oldest one never forgave her. Now that she's terminally ill I wonder if he'll go see her? Sometimes I'm really happy we never had kids. I hope you can salvage a relationship with your daughter OP. I wish you all the best.
WTF is wrong with people? You;re the second person to suggest renting an apartment for a full grown adult! So.. put the rent in her name, and then 3 months when the rent needs to be paid? You know who's credit goes to crap? The mom! Holy crap, i'm sorry but if i am renting my child a place to live, i have failed at raising them. Period.
1. Stop feeding her
2. Stop paying for her phone
3. Stop giving her money for clothes, gas, etc.
4. If she starts fighting aggressively and physically, call the police. If she hits you, press charges
5. Find out the landlord laws in your area, and then begin eviction proceedings. Technically, she gave you notice that she was leaving in August, but I doubt anything was in writing. WRITE her a letter, indicating that she needs to find new living arrangements effective (30,60 days from now, whatever the rules are). AND THEN ENFORCE IT. If it's 30 days, then tell her she has to be out by October 31st. On November 1st, her things get boxed up.
Sounds like great advice.
I am always amazed at parents who continue paying their unemployed, not looking for a job, adult children's expenses for years. It is one thing if an adult child is going through a "rough patch" after a divorce or illness or just graduated or needs extra time to mature but sometimes the enabling of parents goes on almost forever.
Stop paying for their telephone, stop buying their beer & alcohol, stop paying for their "entertainment". Sheesh! it should be obvious.
I know someone whose in-laws supported the chronically unemployed, alcoholic, dead beat brother for decades. He was in his 50s and his parents still totally supported him and they were in their late 70s!
Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOhioBound
Wait, since when do you have to apply eviction laws to a an adult child living in your own home who has never signed a lease nor paid rent? I have never heard of such...ever. I would pack up all their stuff and have it on the porch with a list of local apartments for rent. 24 is way past time to start acting and living as an adult.
I was surprised when I learned that, too.
Be careful, even a "guest" who is sleeping on your couch and has never paid a dime for anything can become someone who you need to legally evict. The specific laws differ from state to state.
Wait, since when do you have to apply eviction laws to a an adult child living in your own home who has never signed a lease nor paid rent? I have never heard of such...ever. I would pack up all their stuff and have it on the porch with a list of local apartments for rent. 24 is way past time to start acting and living as an adult.
This is not new. All states require evictions to follow the law.
Legally she may be an 'adult', but most parents realize that 20-somethings are still inexperienced in life.
One does not gain experience in life by living at home without any sort of job and being a brat. We do not know what educational opportunities Missy may have had, may have had and blown, or may have simply ignored. And while she may not have a "good paying" job, there are still jobs out there that provide the dignity of income and productivity.
1. Stop feeding her
2. Stop paying for her phone
3. Stop giving her money for clothes, gas, etc.
4. If she starts fighting aggressively and physically, call the police. If she hits you, press charges
5. Find out the landlord laws in your area, and then begin eviction proceedings. Technically, she gave you notice that she was leaving in August, but I doubt anything was in writing. WRITE her a letter, indicating that she needs to find new living arrangements effective (30,60 days from now, whatever the rules are). AND THEN ENFORCE IT. If it's 30 days, then tell her she has to be out by October 31st. On November 1st, her things get boxed up.
Absolutely this.
I am 24 years old. I pay my own bills, live on my own, am married and have a child. You are not a child at 24 years old. Sometimes you just have to show em some tough love and send them on their way.
They might not fight it, but, if they do, it can turn into an ugly eviction proceeding.
I have a friend that had her boyfriend living with her.. Was cheating on her in her own house (that she owned)... She tried to kick him out.. He refused to leave.. she called the cops.. nothing they could do. She had to legally evict him, turned into a messy ordeal. He had established residency in her house, and she had to then go through the proper channels. I imagine it would be the same for this adult child.
Was this boyfriend on the lease? I understand the laws vary from city to city and state to state, but having having family deal with this situation, the parent being a police officer, he was able to kick his adult child out with no problems. Just because the child becomes an adult, doesn't automatically turn them over to "tenant" status.
This is not new. All states require evictions to follow the law.
Evictions are for TENANTS. Someone who has signed a lease.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
