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Old 09-29-2014, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,323 posts, read 20,579,417 times
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Frankly I feel stupid posting this, but am at my wits end with my son. He is an extremely sweet boy, but has no motivation. He has a very hard time making friends (bad bulky issue) and suffers from anxiety. He is in his freshman year of high school.

He seems like a lost puppy, not understanding he needs to write down his homework, do his homework and follow up. I have been micromanaging this kid from the first day of high school. If I stop, he fails tests, quizzes amd doesn't do his homework. When I ask him what is going on he gives me a blank stare. I have tried taking away everything until he improves his grades, motivating by giving him back electronics.

Quite honestly it frightens me for him becoming an adult. He is four years away from graduating and I can't see him beyond high school.

Anyone have a child that was like this? Suggestions please! I would appreciate people not bashing
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Old 09-29-2014, 05:07 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,824,249 times
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Ever think to just let him fail for time? Honestly what motivation does he have for anything if you continue to controll it all? Also is her getting treatment and counciling for the anxeity? Many times if a teen (or heck anyone) feels overwhelmed they just shut down which is what you are seeing.

Last edited by ScarletG; 09-29-2014 at 05:13 PM.. Reason: I hate my tablet
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Old 09-29-2014, 05:08 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,767,044 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
He has a very hard time making friends (bad bulky issue) and suffers from anxiety. :
What do you mean by "bad bulky issue"? I have not heard that term.

Is the anxiety diagnosed; is he on meds for it?


Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
I have been micromanaging this kid from the first day of high school.
That needs to stop.
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Old 09-29-2014, 05:33 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,305,973 times
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oh man, that sounds like me as a kid. Trouble making friends? Yup. Social anxiety? Yup. Lost puppy with head in the clouds? Yup. I would constantly forget things like homework and spend hours reading and daydreaming. I was painfully shy and had issues with being bullied, so I would daydream as a form of escapism. Honestly, I don't know what to tell you because I can't think of much that my parents could've done to make things better. Really, something just clicked for me towards senior year, when I started realizing petty teen drama doesn't matter, but real life does. I graduated with excellent grades and went on to university; however, I've still suffered from a lack of motivation all my life, which I think played a part in me never having (or wanting) a real career and choosing an interesting, easy, and not very in-demand field of study - I'm a SAHM now and happy But life did teach me that sometimes you just need to pull yourself together and make yourself do things, even if you don't want to and don't have that internal drive - some people just have it and others don't, and that's okay, not everyone can be an A-type.

Some motivation worked when I was younger - like rewards for good grades, and privileges taken away for bad ones. Parental involvement, to the point of sitting down and doing homework together IS important for kids like that I believe - people will tell you not to micromanage and to let him fail, but I've seen some cases of kids like that whose parents stepped away and 'let them fail' - and let me tell you, the end results were not good. If the parents are not there to provide that structure and keep them busy, believe me there will be other things that will take that place - from relatively harmless ones like video games to 'bad' crowds, drugs, and so on. As they get older, the 'fail' can truly be a fail - to the point where they won't be able to pull themselves back up.

IMO, DON'T back off; continue to stay on top of him, what he is doing, schoolwork, and most importantly mental and emotional health, and keep a sharp eye out for the anxiety, social issues and conflicts, depression and so on. Give him responsibilities and set expectations for him to stick to them. Remove privileges like screen time if need be. Keep him busy - extracurriculars, sports, chores, whatever it takes, it sounds like he needs structure and external motivation if he doesn't have it internally. Good luck!
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Old 09-29-2014, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,323 posts, read 20,579,417 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
Ever think to just let him fail for time? Honestly what motivation does he have for anything if you continue to controll it all? Also is her getting treatment and counciling for the anxeity? Many times if a teen (or heck anyone) feels overwhelmed they just shut down which is what you are seeing.
I have just let him fail for a few weeks. Honestly I am nervous to go longer, but maybe I should! He is in therapy for anxiety, thanks for the feedback.
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Old 09-29-2014, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,323 posts, read 20,579,417 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
What do you mean by "bad bulky issue"? I have not heard that term.

Is the anxiety diagnosed; is he on meds for it?



That needs to stop.
Sorry that should be bully not bulky.
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Old 09-29-2014, 10:30 PM
 
7,241 posts, read 12,661,515 times
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Perhaps he would bloom in a different school setting/environment? Do you have the option of moving him to a smaller school or private/alternative school? Does he have a mentor or a father figure type of person that can talk to him?

Is he overwhelmed?
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Old 09-29-2014, 10:45 PM
 
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ADD? Spectrum? Social anxiety? High risk depression. He needs help with his social isolation most of all. Perhaps ADD meds too.
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Old 09-29-2014, 11:07 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,305,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
Perhaps he would bloom in a different school setting/environment? Do you have the option of moving him to a smaller school or private/alternative school? Does he have a mentor or a father figure type of person that can talk to him?

Is he overwhelmed?
This, and since you clarified that he's being bullied, why aren't you focusing on this first and foremost?? Stopping the bullying, even if it requires changing schools or moving, should be the number one priority for you right now. What exactly is happening? How bad is it? Him being unfocused could very easily be nothing but a consequence of the bullying - it's hard to think about homework if you're afraid of coming to school each day. So can the anxiety - of course he's anxious if he knows he'll be getting bullied at school! Wouldn't you be?

What are you doing to solve the problem - have you talked to the teachers, administrators, principal? Bullying has led kids to suicide, please take care of this if you care about your son
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Old 09-30-2014, 07:04 AM
 
Location: NYC
1,723 posts, read 3,183,542 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
I have just let him fail for a few weeks. Honestly I am nervous to go longer, but maybe I should! He is in therapy for anxiety, thanks for the feedback.

Your son sounds just like my youngest son. I had to literally sit with him every day to do his homework. He was diagnosed as school phobic at one point stemming from the bullying and his inability to keep up with the work. My son was just so anxious about school that he wasn't learning anything. It just wasn't the right learning environment for him.

Can you get him out of that school? Have you thought of home schooling? He can go always go back into the school even after being home schooled if it doesnt' work out.

Is the therapy through a private therapist or through the school?

Good luck. I know what you're going through.
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