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Old 10-01-2014, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
332 posts, read 232,207 times
Reputation: 775

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skatergirl View Post
The boys have known each other for4 years, they're both13. The mother and i really facilitated the relationship by setting up play dates ourselves. There was a summer where her nanny was sick and she brought her son over so i could watch him all day while she went to work. All of a sudden i noticed, probably 6 months ago that mom never calls me to set anything up. Im always doing the inviting which i accepted so the boys could hang out. But, ive also noticed her son has stopped email ing my son as well. Im wondering what could have happened and not sure how to proceed. I think mom may not be upfront with me if i ask and i risk having her feel uncomfortable(she is a bit introverted) and then having her wanting to avoid me totally for fear of more uncomfortable conversation.

Otoh, if i don't say anything, i don't know how repair anything. How would u have this situation?
He's 13. That's not an age where parental set-ups work anymore. The kids will be friends with whomever they want. I coach this age group and it's very common for kids to go from being best friends to nothing and from nothing to best friends in an instant. Girls play a major factor in it too. Simply put, you're not involved in your son's friendships anymore, just try to be a good mother who shows him attention without being overbearing or overprotective.
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Old 10-01-2014, 02:22 PM
 
1,006 posts, read 677,042 times
Reputation: 3574
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skatergirl View Post
Sheesh, Some mean spirited jabs....why so dam judgemental?? Fwiw, both boys have special needs...so both struggle make friends. And we don't live near each other. I really regret posting.

This information would have been helpful to know in the first post. Nobody had no way of knowing the boys are special needs. The only thing I can say is still invite the boy over and if they still enjoy each other let it go for now. Like some other poster said that maybe the mother has something going on at home.

My kids friends always came to our home and rarely did my kids go over to their friends homes.. The kids felt at home at ours. Maybe your sons friend fills more at home at yours. That isn't a bad thing.
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Old 10-01-2014, 03:06 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,462,907 times
Reputation: 22278
Do you and the mom ever do anything just alone - like go to an event together or out to lunch?

Would you feel comfortable just calling or emailing the mom and saying that she has been on your mind - and you were wondering if she had a nice summer and how she is doing . . .? Don't even mention the kids -- and just see if she responds.

Do you have any way of knowing what is going on in her life (such as - belong to some mutual groups). Are you sure she hasn't moved or that she may be going through some issues herself (health, marriage, job, family).

I would write or call to "catch up" and see where that leads you, unless you all run into each other already and it would seemed awkward to call to just "chat."
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Old 10-01-2014, 07:37 PM
 
1,783 posts, read 2,542,520 times
Reputation: 2791
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skatergirl View Post
The boys have known each other for4 years, they're both13. The mother and i really facilitated the relationship by setting up play dates ourselves. There was a summer where her nanny was sick and she brought her son over so i could watch him all day while she went to work. All of a sudden i noticed, probably 6 months ago that mom never calls me to set anything up. Im always doing the inviting which i accepted so the boys could hang out. But, ive also noticed her son has stopped email ing my son as well. Im wondering what could have happened and not sure how to proceed. I think mom may not be upfront with me if i ask and i risk having her feel uncomfortable(she is a bit introverted) and then having her wanting to avoid me totally for fear of more uncomfortable conversation.

Otoh, if i don't say anything, i don't know how repair anything. How would u have this situation?
Please let your son grow up without you micromanaging his thoughts, feelings and activities, or when he's 35 years old, he'll still be living at home -- wanting Mommy to set up his play dates. Or is that what you would like?
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Old 10-02-2014, 08:03 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,774,730 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
Please let your son grow up without you micromanaging his thoughts, feelings and activities, or when he's 35 years old, he'll still be living at home -- wanting Mommy to set up his play dates. Or is that what you would like?
Thanks to responses like this, the OP is no longer watching this thread.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:16 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,462,907 times
Reputation: 22278
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Thanks to responses like this, the OP is no longer watching this thread.
This is what happens when folks read the first post and then don't get the full story that unfolds down stream, lol. And of course, OP did fail to mention the crucial fact that her son and his friend are special needs students.

I have been guilty of not reading the entire thread before posting, too -- but learned that too often, we don't get the whole story til halfway down the page!

I suspect the OP feels the criticism is unjustified and based on later facts, I would agree. I hope this won't turn her off to posting here, but her original post did set things up for a major fail.

I wish her the best and hope she can come to some resolution with what appears to be a disconnect with a friend -- a situation that has to be puzzling.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:57 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,917,169 times
Reputation: 38840
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
This is what happens when folks read the first post and then don't get the full story that unfolds down stream, lol. And of course, OP did fail to mention the crucial fact that her son and his friend are special needs students.
So true!

It is amazing how crucial details are often left out... then the OP will get upset that we aren't mind readers.
-or-
The OP changes the details to get the response that they want.

Either way, it IS frustrating to respond, only to find out that 53 posts later things changed.
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Old 10-02-2014, 06:40 PM
 
235 posts, read 228,166 times
Reputation: 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Thanks to responses like this, the OP is no longer watching this thread.
Well the OP conveniently left out the fact that the two kids are special needs. So everyone was responding to her post thinking these were normal, run of the mill thirteen year-olds.

For what it's worth, even if they are special needs I don't think they should be forced to play together if they don't want to. And they clearly don't want to otherwise they'd stay in contact through texting or email.
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Old 10-02-2014, 06:43 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,849,205 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Thanks to responses like this, the OP is no longer watching this thread.
Okay....do you think a neuro typical boy of 13....which we all assumed at first because the op didn't say otherwise....should have his mother setting up play dates?
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:26 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,774,730 times
Reputation: 40996
Just saying, I don't see any reason to be snarky right out of the gate to an OP just asking a question.

*shrugs*
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