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Old 09-30-2014, 07:32 PM
 
3 posts, read 1,951 times
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I'm new to the board and just looking for some opinions and recommendations. My boyfriend has a 5 1/2 year old daughter who is currently residing at the mother's great-grandparents home. The mother is not involved in her life. Greatgrandma and grandpa take care of her until he's able to go for full custody. She acts like a typical kid and listens well to both of us, we have a lot of fun and I know she enjoys the time with us. The only concern I'm having is when grandma comes to pick her up from our house, she starts acting totally different. She becomes really snobby and rolls her eyes while talking in a disrespectful tone at us. She treats us like crap in front of grandma and becomes demanding towards her and grandma is at her beckon call. She makes it look like we can't control her or that she's acted like that because of us. Any suggestions on what to do, and why she acts so conceited in her presence?

Thanks

Potato 2012
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Old 09-30-2014, 07:38 PM
 
235 posts, read 227,765 times
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Hmm, my guess is the grandparents do a ton of sh*t talking about you and your boyfriend behind your backs, the little girl hears it and that's where she's taking her behavioral cues from.

If you have to reprimand her in front of the grandparents, by all means do so. The fact that they don't call her out on her disrespectful behavior leads me to believe my initial assumption is correct.
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Old 09-30-2014, 10:24 PM
 
15,871 posts, read 13,495,658 times
Reputation: 35300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potato2012 View Post
I'm new to the board and just looking for some opinions and recommendations. My boyfriend has a 5 1/2 year old daughter who is currently residing at the mother's great-grandparents home. The mother is not involved in her life. Greatgrandma and grandpa take care of her until he's able to go for full custody. She acts like a typical kid and listens well to both of us, we have a lot of fun and I know she enjoys the time with us. The only concern I'm having is when grandma comes to pick her up from our house, she starts acting totally different. She becomes really snobby and rolls her eyes while talking in a disrespectful tone at us. She treats us like crap in front of grandma and becomes demanding towards her and grandma is at her beckon call. She makes it look like we can't control her or that she's acted like that because of us. Any suggestions on what to do, and why she acts so conceited in her presence?

Thanks

Potato 2012
Let me get this straight, the child is living with her great, great grandmother? How old is she? She must be 90 at least. Is that a good idea?

Surely there are great grandmothers and grandmothers in the picture who can step in and give this child a more normal, active upbringing.
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Old 09-30-2014, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
1,246 posts, read 1,720,394 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeantownGirl19 View Post
Hmm, my guess is the grandparents do a ton of sh*t talking about you and your boyfriend behind your backs, the little girl hears it and that's where she's taking her behavioral cues from.

If you have to reprimand her in front of the grandparents, by all means do so. The fact that they don't call her out on her disrespectful behavior leads me to believe my initial assumption is correct.
This is exactly what I thought.
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Old 10-16-2014, 10:32 AM
 
3 posts, read 1,951 times
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Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Let me get this straight, the child is living with her great, great grandmother? How old is she? She must be 90 at least. Is that a good idea?

Surely there are great grandmothers and grandmothers in the picture who can step in and give this child a more normal, active upbringing.

Yes, she lives with her great grandmother and great grandfather on the mother's father's side. Mom and grandma could give two ****s and grandpa lives out of state as well and sees her only a few times every couple of years. My boyfriend had some other issues that legally didn't allow him to get full custody of his daughter. He's working towards that hopefully this time next year. His daughter definitely realizes that she has more fun with us and it's more normal. She's been very sheltered living with them and we see it daily. Grandma treats her like she's still 2years old and doesn't plan on giving her up she says,so it will be a battle.
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Old 10-16-2014, 10:58 AM
 
3 posts, read 1,951 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeantownGirl19 View Post
Hmm, my guess is the grandparents do a ton of sh*t talking about you and your boyfriend behind your backs, the little girl hears it and that's where she's taking her behavioral cues from.

If you have to reprimand her in front of the grandparents, by all means do so. The fact that they don't call her out on her disrespectful behavior leads me to believe my initial assumption is correct.

BeantownGirl19,

A very good assumption which makes all the sense in the world. It doesn't help when grandma just lets her act like that, on top of it treats her like a baby.. ( rides in the back seat with her on the drive home and brings her 3 drinks of choice for the ride home) No more will I let her act like that. My b/f said I have as much grounds as him to discipline her so don't be afraid to. I'm not her mother but I'm more than her mother's been or will ever be. The funny thing is we have negative things to say about how they raise her and just general comments but we never say it in front of her for that reason!! We don't want it to cause a behavior issue and we are now seeing one! She's getting to the age where she's figuring all this stuff out and can be very manipulative we want to get full custody before its to late to fix things and before she hates everyone in the situation.

Lastly, Grandma resentment towards my b/f doesn't help matter. She refuses to acknowledge him as her father and treats him like garbage for the past 4years its been like this even before I was in the picture. Up until now she has no choice but to communicate with him w/o being held in contempt. It was always communicating with my b/f's mom not him.
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Old 10-16-2014, 11:25 AM
 
1,023 posts, read 1,699,820 times
Reputation: 3930
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potato2012 View Post
BeantownGirl19,

No more will I let her act like that. My b/f said I have as much grounds as him to discipline her so don't be afraid to. I'm not her mother but I'm more than her mother's been or will ever be. The funny thing is we have negative things to say about how they raise her and just general comments but we never say it in front of her for that reason!! .
Just no. Your boyfriend is so very wrong. You are not her mother, and even if your boyfriend gets custody, he should do the disciplining, not the girlfriend. That's a recipe for even more conflict. And how about some compassion for this little girl who is leading a very confusing life?
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Old 10-16-2014, 11:36 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,750,054 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potato2012 View Post
I'm new to the board and just looking for some opinions and recommendations. My boyfriend has a 5 1/2 year old daughter who is currently residing at the mother's great-grandparents home. The mother is not involved in her life. Greatgrandma and grandpa take care of her until he's able to go for full custody. She acts like a typical kid and listens well to both of us, we have a lot of fun and I know she enjoys the time with us. The only concern I'm having is when grandma comes to pick her up from our house, she starts acting totally different. She becomes really snobby and rolls her eyes while talking in a disrespectful tone at us. She treats us like crap in front of grandma and becomes demanding towards her and grandma is at her beckon call. She makes it look like we can't control her or that she's acted like that because of us. Any suggestions on what to do, and why she acts so conceited in her presence?

Thanks

Potato 2012

Maybe because the grandmother has indicated to her that she doesn't like you (since she is her great-grandaughter's kid), so she is just trying to be on her side? Which is kind of dumb, what great-grandmother wants to be taking care of such a young child? There are some terrible dynamics in that family if neither the mom nor grandma want anything to do with this child. How sad.
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