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Old 10-07-2014, 08:00 PM
 
3,720 posts, read 4,446,402 times
Reputation: 4741

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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Who are you talking about? Please read the whole OP and understand what it is she is saying. Most of us here giving her props for being honest with us and herself, and she does know she is the one with the problem. Nobody is denying that.
The OP is a man.

And kudos to him for dealing with his feelings without putting them on his daughter.
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Old 10-07-2014, 08:28 PM
 
Location: 60630
11,666 posts, read 17,085,369 times
Reputation: 10681
Quote:
Originally Posted by trishguard View Post
The OP is a man.

And kudos to him for dealing with his feelings without putting them on his daughter.
Oh, sorry OP.
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Old 10-07-2014, 08:54 PM
 
29,931 posts, read 15,264,016 times
Reputation: 15660
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
Fake it till you make it. I don't think you are horrible for feeling this way or thinking these thoughts, but act like you don't have them and eventually you won't, and you won't have any horrible, relationship-damaging moments to look back on or apologize for.

Fake it. It's a temporary worry, and you will see that it doesn't matter before long.

Let one of your "friends" call you stepdaughter a bull-dyke and see how fast your Papa Bear comes out.

Nothing has changed, after all. Except, presumably, a haircut.
See?
Kudos on this post, by the way. Well put.
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Old 10-07-2014, 08:56 PM
 
29,931 posts, read 15,264,016 times
Reputation: 15660
Quote:
Originally Posted by planning View Post
So if your child had a 40% average, was uncoordinated, and was always in trouble at school, you'd love them to the same degree as a child with a 99% average, captain of several sports teams, and beloved by their teachers?
That's supposed to be part of the entire "parenting" deal, yes.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:28 PM
 
245 posts, read 228,089 times
Reputation: 174
since it's biological in nature and harming nobody, it's rather like being all upset that she's a redhead or blonde. Be glad that she's healthy and at peace with herself.
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Old 10-07-2014, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,514 posts, read 3,788,986 times
Reputation: 15512
The neighbors couldn't care less -- they have their own problems. Oh, one or two will probably be snooty about it, but so what? It will be a 10-day wonder, and then everyone will simply . . . move on.

My niece "came out" a year or so ago, and brought her partner to a relative's birthday party. Before the party, her mother took a deep breath and called several relatives, to let them know that my niece was bringing her partner, and that they were very supportive of her, and wanted to make sure no one was suprised and said anything hurtful or inappropriate. "Are you tryng to tell me she's gay?" "Uh . . . well . . . yes." "Uh . . . this is not news, honey. She's been 'likes women' on Facebook for YEARS. Who cares, as long as she is happy?" Her mother was floored -- and relieved. She was worried about telling HER mother, and I observed that her grandmother was active on Facebook, and was a former Phi Beta Kappa -- she had put 2 and 2 together long ago -- and didn't care. "Why didn't anyone SAY anything?" she asked. "Because we DON'T CARE, hon -- and it's nobody's business."

It will be as much of a deal as you make it.
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Old 10-08-2014, 07:15 AM
 
9,776 posts, read 7,690,153 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by planning View Post
So if your child had a 40% average, was uncoordinated, and was always in trouble at school, you'd love them to the same degree as a child with a 99% average, captain of several sports teams, and beloved by their teachers?

Of course! You would really tie your love for your child to their academic and athletic ability??

I pity your children, if this is really the case.
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Old 10-10-2014, 02:16 AM
 
405 posts, read 388,121 times
Reputation: 464
If she's not embarrassed about it, then why should you be embarrassed about it? I'm sure that telling you and her mom that she's gay was probably the hardest thing she's ever had to do. Many gay people don't come out because they feel that the people closest to them will view them differently. If you're embarrassed about her being gay, then you're either viewing her differently or you're assuming that anybody you tell will view her differently.

That brings up another question. You said you couldn't tell your friends her status because it's embarrassing for you. Why do you have to tell your friends anything? If she wants them to know, she'll tell them herself. It's quite possible that at least some of them already know and it's not a big deal to them so they don't bring it up when talking to you. Honestly, her sexual preference doesn't effect your friends and it doesn't change anything about the person that she is. The hardest part for most parents to accept when a child comes out of the closet is the simple fact that they won't be grandparents and that's not completely true either, but that's the first thought that enters a lot of parents minds.
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Old 10-10-2014, 02:23 AM
 
405 posts, read 388,121 times
Reputation: 464
I've also seen several posts saying, "Fake it and support her." Why fake anything? If he's supported her since kindergarten, why should he fake it just because she said the words, "I'm gay." She has probably never asked him to understand her lifestyle, but I'm sure she wants him to accept her lifestyle. She is the same person she has always been and she was gay before she told him about it. The only difference now is that he knows.
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Old 10-10-2014, 02:29 AM
 
405 posts, read 388,121 times
Reputation: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by planning View Post
So if your child had a 40% average, was uncoordinated, and was always in trouble at school, you'd love them to the same degree as a child with a 99% average, captain of several sports teams, and beloved by their teachers?
This statement makes me hope that you don't have kids or if you do have kids, you only have 1.

I have 14 year old twins (boy and girl) and I love my kids both the same. My daughter is a better athlete and student than my son, who is only an average athlete and not motivated so much in school. My son is more than capable of doing the work and getting the grades that my daughter gets, but he's just not as motivated as she is. I do have to push him a little more, but that doesn't mean he's loved less.
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